A word so often used to portray hope and faith.
An anticipation of something that is about to occur.
<...Learn MoreAlmost. A word so often used to portray hope and faith. An anticipation of something that is about to occur. The First We met the first day of high school, both fresh-faced (acne-filled, even) and wonderstruck by the endless possibilities of what the future held for our young souls. I was nervous. I had never been good at making acquaintances, let alone friends. I often pondered on how I was going to survive till graduation. I was a tragic mess of an awkward teenager. As the class settled, I took a seat and so did he. Neither of us thought that the seats we took that first day would change our lives further down the road. Then, I heard his voice. I knew right away that falling for him would be inevitable. His voice was everything a teenage girl could ever dream of – deep and smooth. His voice drew me under his unwitting spell. How could I resist? The first few years, I kept my feelings under wraps. Though, not well enough as practically the whole class knew I was head over heels for this guy. I thank my lucky stars, that he had no clue as to what I truly felt. I was content being the best friend, the confidante, the one he went to when there was something on his mind; or at least I thought I was. Eventually, the truth came out like it always does. I accidentally blurted out a confession in the heat of the moment. The silence between my confession and his reply was deafening. I knew that I had just ruined our beautiful friendship with 4 simple words: “Because I like you.” I was about ready to run away as fast I could when he sheepishly admitted that he felt the same. We just stared at each other for what seemed like forever and then started laughing uncontrollably. From then on, we were quite inseparable. Phone calls, text messages, lunch breaks, study groups; we’d be together. At the time, we made the wise decision to put off making it official till we graduated. We knew our parents would not approve of us dating in high school, so we were patient; but that didn’t stop us from dreaming about what life would be like together once we were finally free. We worked hard, to prove to our parents that we weren’t letting our feelings distract us from getting good grades to secure a better future for ourselves; and we did. Then the waiting game began. Days passed, then weeks, then months; but not a single word was uttered from his mouth about the two of us. I tried not to overthink it, playing with the possibility that he could be caught up with some work or family issues. I distracted myself with part-time jobs, extracurricular activities and sports but nothing could help calm me down. In the end, I resorted to writing. I wrote letters to myself and to him, hoping beyond hope that one day we would look back at those letters and laugh at how juvenile we once were while snuggling in bed together. Phone calls grew scarce, text messages went unread; and all I could think about was why he wouldn’t talk to me. Hey, we need to talk. With that, we were over before we even really began. The Second I had just started college, made new friends, explored new passions. I was about as happy as any freshman could be at the prospect of starting fresh in a place where no one knew who you were. Then there he was, a guy I had met through the organising committee of a club event. He was the textbook definition of a nice guy. He would send me good morning messages at 7:00 am even though he knew I was most definitely still snoring in bed. He would give me a ride to college whenever I needed one. He would bug me to visit him at his part-time job just so he could treat me to a cup of coffee. Everything about him screamed: “I like you.” Everything. Except his words. I was reluctant at first, but eventually I started reciprocating his feelings. We would go out on movie dates, lunch dates, study dates; anything that would give us an excuse to spend time alone together. Soon, my shell started to crack and I let him in, something I hadn’t done in a long while. I shared my fears, my dreams and my innermost thoughts with him. In return, he gave me a hope I thought I had lost, and I started to have faith in what society call love, again. It went on for months without a hitch. I thought that we were stable, that maybe this time it would actually work out and I’d have a happy ending. Unfortunately, that was not the case again. He went away for trip and when he returned it was like a light had been snuffed out inside him. He was so deflated and lost in his thoughts, hardly having the time or energy to talk to me. I was worried, I wondered if something bad had happened during the trip. I talked to his friends, trying to get some semblance of a clue as to what was going on in that brain of his but no one would give me answer. Then it came, like a silent deadly gust of wind, knocking me off my balance once again. Hey, we need to talk. The Third We had been best friends before, the low maintenance type, not needing to talk every single day. We would catch up perhaps once a year, but when it came down to emergencies, we would always have each other’s backs. When he wiggled his way back into my daily life, I made sure he knew I wasn’t looking for a relationship. He, on the other hand, was insistent. He continued to saturate my daily life with his presence, be it online or in person. He made sure that I knew that he was always going to be there for me, even if I felt like I didn’t want him to. At the time, I had fortified the walls around my heart. I didn’t want to let anyone in, but with great persistence he managed to bring those walls tumbling down. I shared everything I had with him, things I never thought I would ever bring back out into the light. He helped me make peace with my past and encouraged me to have hope in the future. Then those fateful words came out of his mouth: Hey, we need to talk. I braced myself for the worst. I blamed myself for be so naïve as to not see it coming yet again. I started beating myself up internally, swearing to myself that I would never again open up to someone since they were all going to just leave in the end. The pressure built up till I started crying, the tears never ending. But the blow never came, instead he welcomed me with open arms and restored my faith in finding love. I thought my happy ending was finally here. I was living the dream. I was dating my best friend, the one person who should care for me and understand me more than anyone else in the world. Life couldn’t get any better than that. Then after I had shared everything I ever could, my mind, body and soul, with the person I thought I would end up spending the rest of my life with, the hammer hit. I was left broken and alone. The Last I had only ever conversed with him once before. His intellect attracted me, his charm seduced me, but alas he was a taken man then. I didn’t think much about him, and he gradually faded into the background that was my Facebook news feed. We would occasionally strike up a conversation in comments on geeky or nerdy posts, but nothing ever really came of those interactions till I had all but disappeared from his life entirely. The moment we started talking, it was as if a fire had been lit inside my soul which I could do nothing to put out. After hours and hours of sharing about things we were both passionate about, he finally got the courage to ask me out on a date. Having never experienced anything like it before, I agreed even though I was sceptical of how this would end. With every moment that I spent in his presence, it was as if a magnet was pulling me towards him and I couldn’t repel from. Everything I did seemed to attract him even more, till I finally gave into that foreign feeling of happiness I had craved for too long. My heart loved the feeling of being with him, the warmth, the security, the acceptance; but my head kept warning me of the danger that is to come should I let it go on any longer. As usual, I ignored the wise advice of my head and followed where my heart led me. To him, all that I was right at that moment, was enough. I didn’t need to try to be someone else. I didn’t need to put on an act. I didn’t need to hide who I really was. All I had to be was me. “I love you,” I whispered, unable to contain it any longer. I could hear the pitter-patter of the raindrops on my window pane, tapping to the beat of my heart as I nervously awaited his reply. “I know.” It wasn’t the answer that I was expecting but it was somehow the answer that I needed. We burst into laughter as that was basically a scene from one of our favourite geek franchises. We continued living our lives together, in perfect harmony. Not that troubles didn’t come our way, but we always had faith that together we would make it through as long as we kept our spirit of open communication going. We thought we’d be able to get our happy ending. But in my world, as always, nothing good ever lasts long. The day finally came when those dreaded words were uttered; but instead of coming out of his mouth, it came from mine. Hey, we need to talk. I was tired. I had been waiting for so long, for something to materialise out of the amazing connection we had. Nothing did. And everything just unravelled from there. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t say sorry if you’re just going to give up on us when we haven’t even had the chance to begin.” “I’m sorry. You can hate me all you want. I’m the one at fault.” “I don’t want to hate you. I love you. Don’t you love me?” “I’m sorry.”... Read more
“Hey! Did you know that the stairs at the end of the Senior’s Building has a legend that if you confess there during the school cultural festival, your relationship w...Learn More“Hey! Did you know that the stairs at the end of the Senior’s Building has a legend that if you confess there during the school cultural festival, your relationship with the person will be eternal?” I sat there, trying to focus on reading my book as the girls next to my seat kept on chattering happily and loudly. “This again…” I mumbled softly and was grateful that they didn’t hear me. The legend was well-known throughout the school, even to us freshmen. I bit my lips. I was not really interested in the story. Well… The truth was I had a phobia towards stairs. Ever since I was a child, if I lowered my guards, I would fall, I guaranteed it. I won’t do something retarded such as confessing at some stairs. I got up from my seat. It was recess so I went to get some air. Where would be the best place to breathe in the fresh spring breeze? The roof, of course! And the roof with the greatest scenery was the roof of the Senior’s Building. But the problem was if I were to go to the roof, I would have to take the… stairs. I cursed under my breath. I went to the nearest stairs. With quiet swift steps, I went up the stairs. With each steps, I felt my legs staggering. “Just great…” I mumbled in a shaky tone. After about ten minutes, I reached the door to the roof. As I opened the door, the cold breeze greeted me and I flinched at the change of temperature. I took a deep breath and smiled gleefully. It was worth the trouble of climbing the stairs. That was the reason why I liked coming here. “Oh… I never thought there’d be a person here on the roof at this time of year.” A voice suddenly pierced the silence I was enjoying. I jolted in surprise and turned around to see the source of the voice. My eyes widen like two saucepans. The person who was standing in front of me was Evan Smith, a senior (3rd year) who was famed as he was a delinquent. He had his hair up, making his piercings visible for all to see. He had tattoos on his left arm. Many rumours about him had been spread throughout the school. Some said that he was a leader of a mafia gang who always bathed in scarlet blood. Rumours are rumours, right? “U-um… I just come here to get some air.” I said, stuttering a bit while Evan only hummed as a reply. He walked passed me and went to the fence of the roof, tall fences which prevented the students to commit suicide. He sat, his back facing the fence, took out a melon bun from his pocket and started to eat it. He then looked at me with his sapphire eyes, a slight smile on his face which took me by surprise. “Can you accompany me? It’s been awhile since I’ve gotten a chance to talk to someone.” I bit my lips and nodded. Slowly, I went to where Evan was with silent steps and sat next to him, a few inches away from him. Ever since that day, I was captivated by Evan’s smile and I would find myself on the roof during recess, having lunch beside him. Evan would welcome me with a smile on his face and my heart would skip a beat every time I saw his smile. For some reasons, I found him rather cute. We would have small talks as we ate. Evan was far from the rumours which were telling lies about him. He was a nice but timid person. How could a timid person like him join a mafia gang? He was the type of person who would flinch and scream when someone told him a ghost story. And recently, I found out that his family was running a bakery. Eventually we opened our hearts to each other. I told him that I had a phobia towards stairs. He did not laugh or snorted. Instead he told me about himself. Evan was not what he used to be. He used to be a nerd, a fragile teenage male who used to wear a pair of thick-rimmed glasses which were hidden by his long bangs. Because of how he looked, he was a victim of bully during his three years of middle school. And on his final year of middle school, he could not handle his stress so he decided to make piercings and tattoos. When he told me this, a bittersweet smile was plastered on his face. I felt my heart squeezed and my body moved by itself. I hugged him. He was taken aback for a moment but then hugged me back. “You’re not alone anymore…” I whispered to him and I felt something warm and wet on my shoulder. Evan was crying. The days I hang out with him increased as days passed by. And that ‘day’ had finally arrived, the school annual cultural festival. I was wearing a maid dress as my class was holding a maid café. I was serving the customers and I overheard a conversation of a group of students. “It’s the last year for the third years, right? It would be lonely without them.” I suddenly stopped at my tracks. How could I be so stupid? This festival was Evan’s last festival! He would not be here next year. My brain was blank for a moment and for some reason my body move on its own again. I sprinted off and went out of the class, ignoring the calls and weird looks from my classmates. I ran, apologizing to those I bumped to while running. My breaths became ragged, deprived of oxygen. I heard a teacher telling me to not run in the corridors but I ignored him. Evan was more important right now. I ran until I reached the Senior’s Building and went straight to his class. But he was nowhere to be found, even when his classmates were enjoying their class activity. I cursed under my breath and took a deep breath. Maybe he was on the roof. So I quickly ran to the roof, using the ‘legendary’ stairs. Maybe it was my imagination, but why was the stairs so… desolated? I paid no heed to it and focused on reaching the roof. I was a few steps away from the door of the roof when… “Ah…” My feet slipped and I felt my whole body float in mid-air. I knew I was falling directly to the floor and not from step to step of the stairs. I cursed myself in my mind and closed my eyes, preparing myself for the impact which I knew would really hurt. “H-hey!” I heard a familiar voice from a distance and the sound of hurried steps getting louder. I thought that I would land on the hard wooden floor, but instead I landed on a squishy warm thing. Dumbfounded, I opened my eyes slowly and looked behind me. My eyes met with a beautiful shade of sapphire and I immediately flushed from head to toes. “That was dangerous. You do know that, don’t you?” Evan said before he went into a coughing fit. I quickly stood up and helped to calm him down. “I-I’m really sorry, Evan!” I told him, panicked quickly overcome me. What if he had gotten himself injured because of me? After a moment, Evan finally calmed down. “Stairs really do hate you.” He said after a moment of silent. I only laughed dryly. “Oh… I’m sorry and… Thanks.” I looked down in embarrassment and I knew he was smiling. “You should be more careful, you know? It’s fortunate that someone from my class told me that you’re looking for me so I came to look for you.” I only remained silent and I heard him sighed a relief sigh. “It was a good thing that you’re not injured.” He smiled. “Why did you look for me? If I’m not mistaken, I thought you’re taking your break after lunch. Did something happen?” He looked at me, worry was clearly seen on his face. I slowly looked at his face. For some reasons, I was at a loss of words. I panicked and looked at Evan who only tilted his head in confusion as he looked at me. “Why does he have to be so cute?” I screamed in my mind. At this, I blurted the first thing that came into my mind. “I love you, Evan.” I quickly covered my lips. “What did I just said?” I panicked in my mind. “Eh?” Evan was taken aback for a second. I looked away, face red from embarrassment. I did not dare to look at his face. Suddenly, Evan pulled me into a tight hug. It was my turn to be taken aback. “I love you too.” He softly whispered into my ear. We both stayed still for a moment, enjoying each other’s warmth. I was shocked at the sudden turn of events but still I was happy. Evan then pulled out of the hug, a rare smile on his face, a smile which was full of joy. “Thank you for giving me so much happiness. I’ve never felt this happy before.” He said as he put his forehead against mine. Hey, do you know the legend about the stairs at the end of the Senior’s Building? The legend is that if you confess to a person there during the school cultural festival, your relationship with him or her will be eternal. It’s true. Why do you ask? That is because I had confessed to someone there before and now I am married with him and have three children. It is up to you to believe it or not. But for me, I believe it even though I still hate stairs.... Read more
Miss Umbrella Read more
It was the first day of spring. As I entered the cosy café I loved to visit, I was greeted by the soft sounds of piano tunes. My eyes quickly landed on the back of the man who was very concentrate in playing the piano. “Weird, I never noticed the piano before,” I mumbled to myself, looking around the café for other new modifications. It turned out tha...Learn MoreIt was the first day of spring. As I entered the cosy café I loved to visit, I was greeted by the soft sounds of piano tunes. My eyes quickly landed on the back of the man who was very concentrate in playing the piano. “Weird, I never noticed the piano before,” I mumbled to myself, looking around the café for other new modifications. It turned out that the piano was the only thing new. I made my way towards the table at the corner of the café and as I settled in, the pianist stopped playing. My eyes were glued to the tall man who was clad in a long-sleeve shirt and a pair of black jeans. However, my sight was suddenly blocked by a figure. It was the waiter. “What do you want to have, miss?” I ordered iced latte and a piece of cheese cake. The moment he left, my feet dragged me towards the guy who was five tables away from me. “Are you a pianist?” I asked confidently. He looked up and only chuckled. I took that as a yes. “I’m Spring,” he said, gesturing me to sit. Smiling, I introduced myself as Autumn and that I wrote novels for a living. “Music and books are almost the same, don’t you think so? They give us uncountable and mixed feelings. They have the power to make us happy and sad at the same time,” he made a remark, which I didn’t quite understand. When I was just about to ask for explanation, his phone rang. Before he left, he handed me a piece of note with numbers written on it. “Call me.” Weeks passed and meeting Spring had become my daily routine. I would listen to him playing the piano every time we met as I continued writing my on-going novel and I could say that I was on cloud nine during those moments. I also learned a lot about him. For instance, he smoked like a chimney, not to feed his addiction, but smoking gave him twenty chances a day to pay close attention in which direction the wind was shifting. Plus, he started to play piano since he was only four years old. Not to mention that playing the piano was a form of distraction for him from the lung cancer he suffered from. “What do you think of death?” I asked Spring as my fingers played with the blue pen in my left hand. His lips formed a small smile. “Death is inevitable,” he took a deep breath before continuing, “You can try to run away from it but it will always find its way towards you.” I nodded as I jot down what he had just said on my notebook. “Autumn,” he suddenly called me and I looked up. Our eyes met. I swore my heart was beating faster and louder than ever and I silently hoped that he could not hear my heartbeat. For a second, I felt as if I was in seventh heaven. “You have feelings for me, right?” I paused. Adrenaline rushed through my body as beads of cold sweat formed on my forehead. I felt dizzy out of the blue as my eyes darted everywhere but him. It was too sudden. “Don’t fall in love with dying people like me,” he continued in his deep voice which was laced with trace of sorrow. I gulped. “I will take you to parks, museums and other beautiful places so that you can never go there without thinking of me and feeling like being stabbed in the chest.” He let out a heavy sigh. My eyes welled with hot crystals as he added, “I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I am gone, you will realize that you are not yourself anymore. And finally, you will understand why people express their sadness through music.” Tears rolled down my cheeks. However, I told him that I wanted to take the risk. I wanted to love him. A year had passed. I met Spring every day and I was on cloud nine every time I saw him. But my felicity didn’t last long. Spring became too sick that he even coughed blood but he didn’t want to be hospitalized. “Play the piano for me,” Spring said softly as he lay down on the comfortable couch. He was very weak. Sauntering towards the piano at the corner of his living room, I asked, “Which piece do you want me to play?” He told me to play his favourite piece of all – Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 by Chopin. As I danced my fingers swiftly on the piano, I remembered what Spring once told me. “Music is my life. Playing the piano makes me feel as if everyone is listening to my story. It feels as if I can finally say what I want to say to the world. Sometimes I even forget that I have lung cancer. Playing the piano gives me strength that no medicine in this world can ever give. It feels magical.” Spring’s deep voice rang in my head. To think about it, I found it funny how music was his life but at the same time, he was my life. As I finished playing his favourite piece, I turned to him. I walked towards him who was sleeping as I woke him up. He didn’t even flinch. I tried again and again. That was when I noticed that he was gone with a small smile on his face while listening to his favourite music. Spring was gone. He was gone, together with the music. Maybe music was indeed his life. Three years had passed. I still played Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 every time I missed Spring’s presence. He was still fresh in my mind. One day, as I stepped into the café I first met Spring, I was again greeted by the same music Spring had played at the café – Spring’s favourite piece by Chopin. Nostalgia rushed through me as my eyes quickly landed on the back of the man who was running his fingers on the piano. I gulped. Slowly, I made my way towards the musical instrument. The guy then stopped playing the piano as he looked up to me, grinning. “Spring is finally here.” It was weird how the word ‘spring’ didn’t cause me to tremble and cry. It felt as if, bit by bit, I could feel myself letting go. I shifted my gaze outside through the transparent window and I realized that it was already spring. Plastering a small smile on my face, I said, “Yes, Spring is finally here.”... Read more
The path that we used to walk together, now full with dry leaves that struggle to survive through this cold weather. This place used to be so lively, full with couples taking their evening walks and kids running around with so much happiness.
“Good job, everyone,” April announces, “We manage to save another life today.”
Everyone ...Learn More“Good job, everyone,” April announces, “We manage to save another life today.” Everyone in the room sighs in relief, congratulating each other for doing their job well. Their exhausted faces are covered with a satisfied smile, but not April’s. Rather than happy, she is more scared to see the patient’s husband. She somehow wishes that she can skip this one part – just once. She wishes someone can take over the role and tell the husband that his wife is doing fine. She wishes the nurse would page her right now so she can pass the responsibility to break the news to an intern. She wishes her energy is drained out that she wouldn’t be able to actually walk. She wishes she has a sore throat so she wouldn’t have to see the husband. But above all her stupid wishes... She wishes the patient’s husband is not her first love. ********** April’s steps towards the waiting room are slow and heavy, as if a big rock is tied to her waist. She really doesn’t want to see Kihyun – let alone talk to him, even as a doctor. She chose her career over him seven years ago and now that she has achieved her dream, she is afraid to see him. To look at him right into his eyes and feel guilty about what happened between them. She has never thought that this day would come so quickly. She still hasn’t come out with any excuses as to why she left to Yale without telling him. She still hasn’t thought of any reasons to not reply his messages. She still hasn’t prepared her apology speech- not yet. “April?” That honey voice- she misses it. “Is that you, April?” She looks up. There, a few feet before her, is Yoo Kihyun. He still looks fine as hell with his signature swiped up hair. Nothing has changed that much- only his hair is now black. He doesn’t dye his hair light brown as he used to. April is not surprised though, seeing that Kihyun only dyes his hair because she says light brown looks so good on him- which is so true, she swears. “Long time no see, baby,” Kihyun greets her with a bear hug. She freezes in her spot, not blinking. It is too sudden. She doesn’t expect a hug from an ex-boyfriend who is married to her patient. Kihyun notices how April doesn’t wrap her hands around his waist and as if on cue, he pulls away. He mutters a soft apology, shrugging. “It’s a habit,” he explains, “Sorry.” Kihyun is not sorry for the hug. He apologizes for calling her baby, because she is definitely not his baby anymore. Nothing is going on between them for the past seven years. April brushes the imaginary dust off her scrubs, nodding. She licks her bottom lip unconsciously to ease the nerves she is feeling. “That’ll make it drier,” Kihyun chuckles, “Your lips, I mean.” She opens her mouth to speak out the sentences she rehearsed before performing the surgery on his wife, but nothing comes out. She wants to finish her job and gets away from him fast. Real fast, she means. “How’s my wife?” That catches April off guard. Her heart beats so loud she can actually hear them in her ears. “Um-“she stutters. Her hands are trembling, her knees are weak. She wants to faint right away. “Your wife is doing fine. I managed to control the bleeding in her stomach. She is now in the ICU but you can see her now, if you want to.” There. She said it. “Thank you,” he says. April turns her heels to walk away before Kihyun asks, “How are you?” April stops. The world seems to be spinning- or is it her head? “I’m fine.” Her voice is barely a note higher than a whisper. She hears an ohh coming out from Kihyun’s mouth. “As if I’ll believe it,” Kihyun adds. April feels him getting closer to her and he whispers in her left ear, “Don’t lie to me, baby. I know you better than you know yourself.” True. Kihyun knows everything about her. He can literally read her mind- except when she decided to leave him. “See you again,” he says, brushing his hand against hers on purpose. ********** April would be lying if she claims that she doesn’t love Kihyun anymore. She might have left him years ago, but it doesn’t mean that her love towards him ended there. It doesn’t mean she never thinks of him every sleepless night. It also doesn’t mean that she doesn’t stalk his social media – that is how she recognizes his wife. Her love towards Kihyun will always be there. She cannot just erase it and pretend it never exists. Love doesn’t work that way. And even if love fades, it will never fade completely. Love will always leave a trace behind. That is what love really is. “I know,” Kihyun breathes. “I miss you too.” April finds herself sitting before Kihyun in a coffee shop, with two cups of hot cappuccino on the glass table. She still hasn’t said a word, and Kihyun just made it extra awkward between them. “Loosen up, baby, it’s just me.” It is unfair how Kihyun can act as if nothing wrong happened between them, as if she never left him, as if he is still her boyfriend. “It’s just you?” She looks up in disbelief. April wants to scream in his face and say that it is not just him. He is Yoo Kihyun. And Yoo Kihyun is not just anyone in her life. Yoo Kihyun is the one she is comfortable with, the one who can understand her, the one who has seen all of her flaws and still call her beautiful. Yoo Kihyun has a magical touch that makes her knees weak in an instant. Yoo Kihyun is mesmerizing. Yoo Kihyun is the one she truly loves. But Yoo Kihyun is married. How unfortunate. “I’m not mad at you,” he states, “Never.” He takes a sip on their favourite drink before looking at April straight into her eyes. “I understand why you left. I spent two years trying to cope with the world without you. I hope you went through the same struggle as I did.” April looks at her untouched cup. “Trust me, I’m still struggling.” “Good. Nice to hear that,” Kihyun chuckles lightly. His hand suddenly holds her hand in his and caresses it as he used to. April freezes. “I wonder if you still feel the same,” he says gently, eyes glued to her empty finger. “If you still love me.” He then looks up to meet April’s eyes. It is a big yes to both questions. “I wonder too,” April spits a lie. “I wonder if you moved on.” Kihyun’s fingers stop drawing an imaginary circle on her palm. He lets out a heavy sigh. “I still love you.” It makes no sense how April’s heart is racing wildly, even when she has heard the words countless of times before. She has lived with him saying he loves her every day for 8 years – a total of 2920 days, roughly. Almost three thousand ‘I love you’s and this one, the one she hears right now, might actually be the most powerful one. Because this time, she really needs to hear it. Desperately. But he is married, her head screams. The sane part of her brain kicks her right in the stomach with the realization that Yoo Kihyun is a married man. “Do you still love me?” April screams yes in her head. Thrice. Impatiently. Loudly. Yes. Yes. Yes. And when she meets Kihyun’s hazel eyes, the urge to say yes heightens. Who the hell cares if he is married? He still loves her. And she loves him back. This is the time. This is the perfect time to say yes. Say it, April. Say yes. April takes a deep breath. She closes her eyes for a brief second and when she opens her two eyes, she finally answers. “I’m afraid not.” April stands up and leave Kihyun, the man she loves, dumbfounded, mouth hanging, still in surprise. Her steps towards the door are slow and heavy, as if a big rock is tied to her waist. She really doesn’t want to leave Kihyun – not now, not when she knows the truth, not when she knows he still loves her. She looks back one last time. “Good job, April,” she whispers, “You manage to save a woman’s heart today.” ... Read more
Like it or not things change, either before a person falls in love or after but when it does, it has been always for the betterment. No true love brings the worst out of peopl...Learn MoreLike it or not things change, either before a person falls in love or after but when it does, it has been always for the betterment. No true love brings the worst out of people. Lack of love does that. Coming back to my point, similarly how falling in love and being in love can be magical, confessing one’s love is indeed memorably magical. Let me introduce myself as Jay. Like every average guy, I was friendzoned for a very long time. Sometimes, I felt it was partially my fault. Being extremely nice can be dangerous and it takes quite a hassle and indeed a struggle to break yourself free from that tangled friendship. When I thought now I can soon update my facebook status from “Single” to “In a Relationship”, something had to show up and it’s back to “It’s Complicated”. This time it was regarding my girlfriend Abhi's, ex-boyfriend, Arvind. He wants her back in his life after 6 months of total disappearance. His existence again after he was caught cheating with Abhi’s best friend while dating her. That is entirely a different messed up part of this mess am I about to be in. It looked simple in the beginning but it turned out to be very complicated than I thought. Being an analytic person in nature, I have broken down the questions that lingers on my mind. The first would be why is she still answering his calls? Second, shouldn't she have blocked his number by now? I managed to piss her off, and now I'm blocked from all her social media accounts. I was enraged with her for not being able to take a decision and doubted that maybe I rushed in to fast. Instead of helping them mend their relationship like friends would do, what am I doing? I asked her a genuine question “Do you still have feelings for him?” She insisted that she only remembers him betraying her. I mean it is like me asking your name but you are informing me your age instead. I only wanted to hear “YES” or “NO” from her. She elaborated by stating that this Arvind character insist that she belongs to him. This is creepy, she is a human for heaven’s sake not an object but Abhi should I say my girlfriend or my friend, over-thinks all the time and now she wants my suggestion. Honestly, if Abhi still loves Arvind, they should try to work things out if not he should just move on. Asking my suggestion would be the worst idea and timing, as I am stuck between being an angelic friend and a devilish lover. It still does not make any sense, he just calls and claims such things. Who would do this? I demanded the full story. She hesitated but I was adamant. Then she started, that, when she was not well, he came and visited her. It was just perfect, why didn’t I had the brains to visit her? And that’s how it started between them. I was annoyed and upset. I did not say what I should have said instead, I suggested why don’t you get back with him if he desperately wants a second chance and the next day just break up with him. It was a joke I tried to crack but it made her more stressed. Her instant reply was” How about us then?” This incident taught me never to come up with cracked up jokes to your loved one when they just want you to listen. I gave the stupidest idea which I regret giving it at that point of time. I said, “Why don’t you end it with me today and you accept his proposal but tomorrow just break up with him telling that this relationship would not work, then you get back to me.” I pushed the button too far this time. She got furious and said, “Very well if this is your answer, then there is nothing between us anymore, forget me and find someone better in your life” and she hung up my call. These are the bad things with calls, when you want to avoid someone intentionally you can cancel their calls, block their number or switch off the phone. The most irritating part at that time would be the annoying voice message, “The person you are calling is not reachable now, please try later.” The entire point trying to reach the person. I called her back and apologized for my stupidity but she was angry. I guess she was really upset that I told such things. Her words shattered me. If only I just kept my mouth shut. Logically, she just trashed me aside for him. I did not confess my love towards her officially but why does it still hurt so badly? Have I lost the battle even before I stood for it? I thought to myself to be completely honest and blunt this time. I no longer had the fear of losing her nor going to lose anything out of it anymore. After a while, I contacted her again, she answered but just before she said anything I said “Abhi, please listen, as per your wish this would be the last time you would be hearing from me, I am saying this to you for the first time and the last time, I love you so much.” I hung up not wanting to know anything from her. A single tear trickled down my cheeks. Why did she had to make me feel this miserable? I was furious with myself and especially Abhi. She chose him over me. It made me wonder, some men are not sincere because of the girl’s stupidity. She could forgive his betrayal but not my crazy stupid idea. This is absurd. I never expected this from her. It was just too much for me to handle. I hated these emotions for making me feel vulnerable. Not long after that, she texted me “I don’t want things to be different between us. Hope we can still be friends.” I replied “After all the things that happened, I doubt that. Just be happy with him.” Is she kidding me? I am at the state of trying to think how the hell am I supposed to move on and she comes up with the most ridiculous idea. Sadly, one part of my heart, just seemed not wanting to lose her. How do I reason my heart? My heart can be more stubborn than my mind but all I wanted to do now is sleep. If I am awake, I would call her up and I might wound her with my words. I switched off my phone and tried to sleep. It was a painful night. If love is so painful, why do people still fall in love? Am I just too fragile to withstand this feeling? After all I should have been wary of the risk because she never revealed her love towards me.I tried to soothe myself from this wretched feeling.I tried my level best to get over it and sleep but it was like being trapped in a series of memories that we shared. The best powerpoint presentation the brain can project. A tough night but when I switch on my phone the next morning, I received a message from her. “I really don’t want to end our relationship like this. I just hope we can be friends as I need you in my life.’’ Was I not clear enough? I don’t want to be her friend anymore! I just ignored it and I tried being busy when there was nothing to be busy for. It was a public holiday. And there was another message from her, “I am really sorry for being idiotic. I can never be friends with you as I have feelings for you. I am sorry dear, please forgive me?’’ This will never end so I called her up. I was in a serious mood for lashing and I began “What feeling are you talking about? I don’t recall you having any!” I felt she had always been heartless towards me. “I know you are angry darling, but I am really sorry” she begged.This is a legit trap.Why am I always falling for this? I reminded myself to be angry or at least sound angry. She tried starting a conversation “Why are you in a bad mood?” Why is she acting as though nothing had happened? Is she suffering from some memory loss? Unpredictable. I am furious with her but I just don’t want to say something that might hurt her. “Are you still there?” she continued.” Yes, I am…listening.” I sulky replied. “Did you take your lunch?” she asked trying to cool me down. “Just not hungry.” I was actually not interested in entertaining her. "I am, will you accompany me? Please?" she begged. I am defenceless when she uses that tone. I was rigid just to see how far would she go. “No, I had something already.” Stubborn as always she commanded “You are not listening, I am not going to take no for an answer. I will give you 15 minutes to get ready and I will call you again once I am down.” She hung up the call. I was not in the mood to eat. She dumped me last night , then she wants to be friends and now she has feelings? Movie helped me divert my mind especially if an action movie is on air and it has to do nothing to do with love, only killing mercilessly. But I did kept an eye on the clock, should I get ready admitting the fact that I am crazy about her or bury all my emotions so that I don’t look desperate? Before I know it, she is down waiting while messaging me, “Are you coming? “she asked “No, I am not” I replied. There was no reply after that but my doorbell was rang constantly. I opened it up and…SMACK… the next thing I realized that my head turned right and it was pain… “What the hell was that for?” Rationalizing what just occurred a few seconds ago.”I said I am hungry.” she was persistent just as always. But I kept denying that i was not hungry despite starving to death. It was then she blurred out saying “What kind of boyfriend are you? I fainted because I did not eat properly and here you are focused on being angry with me.” What kind of an accusation is that, I had no contribution in her starvation theory. “It is not my fault that you didn’t eat and end up fainting. You are old enough to have the responsibility to take care of yourself.” I said trying to understand her logic but I missed the best part . I thought I heard wrong so I wanted to just make sure. Did she just called me her boyfriend? I smiled and said ”Well are you trying to get back with me?” Her instant reply was “where did you get that sort of idea?” She would never admit anything. I sighed and apologize for assuming things. She caught my sudden change of expression. She continued with, “ Do you know something?” “What is that ?” I reluctantly answered. “You never actually told me that….you…." she paused and I interrupted because I had to know and it was eating me up the whole night. “Before you say anything, Is he still in your heart?” I voiced with hope. She voiced,“You took that place a long time ago" and she left. ... Read more
I saw the figure of him approaching the front door, I quickly adjusted my hair and pretended was not looking. I would not want him to catch a glimpse of me staring at him. Then I saw another figure beside him as they make their way past the front door. I was taken aback by a beautiful girl standing next to him and I bit my lower lips silently in ne...Learn MoreI saw the figure of him approaching the front door, I quickly adjusted my hair and pretended was not looking. I would not want him to catch a glimpse of me staring at him. Then I saw another figure beside him as they make their way past the front door. I was taken aback by a beautiful girl standing next to him and I bit my lower lips silently in nervous hoping he would introduce her anything else rather than the dreaded “girlfriend” title which I have dreamed owning since the day I walked into their house. It was during the second week of January when my new semester started, I was walking along the Annanagar Street towards my friend Sarisha’s house. She is the first ever girl who made friends and hanged along as “bestie” since I arrived from Malaysia to India. Started from guidance to live here, she ended up being my survival guide throughout the first two years of studying. She was kind enough to offer me her home to stay as the hostel application failed miserably. All my things were sent earlier and I was making my way from the temple, praying for guidance and patience to deal with new faces that I’m about meet there. “Am I burdening them?” “Will I be able to adjust myself there?” “What will their curfews be?” All these thoughts were playing by themselves in my head. the morning sun hit my face and formed my shadow behind, as I tried to cover my face from the blazing sun with my hands, I saw another shadow formed behind me. I tilted my head 45 degrees casually to identify the owner of the shadow. I saw a milk white skinned guy with a knife-like nose walking behind me and even in the tilted head position made his appearance pleasant for my eyes. “He is so handsome…. but wait!!” My thoughts paused and saw him following me in every turn I make. It was getting creepy as there were no one else on the road, not even vehicles parked to hide, so the only creatures walking on an empty road will be me and a handsome stranger who has been following my tails for way too long. I quicken my pace just to make him lose his trail of me. Just in the nick of time, via reached my friend’s house. “Thank God, now just enter the house and you’ll be safe.” I murmured it to myself and as I reached the front gate to open, the stranger guy placed his hands on the rusted gate and made an attempt to unlock it. “One, zero, zero” I showed my hand signing those numbers to him. He gave back a puzzled mix reaction and with a shrugged face, he sounded “Huh??” I replied with a louder and bolder voice “That is the number of Indian Police and one more step mister; you’ll be not playing with this gate but a better one with bars to count,” I said it out loud while pointing at the gate he was struggling to open. He looked even more confused and even before he put his mixed up reactions to words; I showed him my phone and said; “I took a picture of you and send it already to the owner of this house if you dare to put your finger on me; you have to face the music for sure.” With widened brown eyes, he took a step back from me and the gate while making a gesture to calm down and said; “Wow, wow…slow down curly hair….” I raised my left eyebrow as a warning symbol and before I start my next round of threatening to make him leave, Sarisha barged out of the house in a rush of the chaos outside while keep looking at her phone doubtfully. She had dark brown eyes like him and its widened double larger in surprise looking at both of outside. I pierced him with my eyes in anger and rolled my eyes landing that sight at her. “He …” I started in a high pitch voice and she interrupts; “You know my brother?” Without thoroughly analyzing her whole sentence replied too fast. “ Ya, I know this guy, he has been following me from the temple and break and enter the house which ….” Understanding that I shoved my face with embarrassment, my tone went low and I added; “Belongs to him….” my sentence went dragging as I was thinking ways to explain myself out of the situation. “How come you got his picture with you and why did you send it to me ?” She interrogated me while pointing at the picture that I managed to capture and send in a rush while arguing. “ It is for trespassing into my own house.” He giggled while pointing at the house we are facing. Understanding the whole scenario, Sarisha burst out in laughter and replied; “ Then I should send it to the police station, but I wonder would they send you to the jails or her to the mental hospital.” Both of them laughed and gave each other a high-five in the air while looking at me. Realised how much trouble I just put myself in, I hit my forehead with my palm and clasped my bath hands for an apology. They both continued their series of making fun of me and to add on to it, Sarisha rush back into the house to tell her parents about it. “Sorry sir, I was just trying to be extra careful.” He smiled in to agree and diverted his focus to the picture of him in my phone. I looked at my fingers covering the picture of him from behind and quickly replied; “I’ll delete it this instance !” He stared back at me and said “ It is okay, keep it as your first memory of our house.” I gave a warm smile back to him and both of us entered the house together. But out of the blue moon, he brings in a girl and she is walking in same like me together with him into the house. I tried my best to put a smile on my face to not to ruin her welcome. “ Hey Anita, welcome again..” Sarisha greeted her with a hug. “ Again??...” the word keeps ringing in my head. I have not seen her from the day I was here. With a confused face and I stood up to give her my seat. “ Hey, you must be Sarisha’s friend, nice to meet you..” She politely rejected the seat I offered her and just sat next to him. “ My name is Anita and I am their neighbor since small and I went to study abroad for the past year so you couldn’t have seen me before.” She ended her sentence by looking at them. “ I heard that you’re good at make-ups and hairstyling, so can you please help me to get ready??” She posed the request towards me. With a relief that it is not what I thought it to be, I asked; “ Is there any event going on ??” I asked she replied; “ I’ll let you know inside..” with a hanging sentence, both of us went inside my room. I started by braiding her hair sideways as she was sitting facing a large mirror that Sarisha took from her brother. “Do you know Sarisha’s brother?” She asked as if she was reading my mind that I was thinking about him. “ Ya but not really…” I tried to sound as plain as possible. She questioned the reflection of me in the mirror and said something shocking. “ You better stay him,from him , he is not as good as he looks , it is better if you could just ignore him..” her words pierced through my ears and heart and it got me on the peak of my anger. I replied; “ why would you say something and still sit in his house” I paused my fingers within her hair and gave her reflection a sharp stare. She smiled annoyingly and said; “ You don’t know him dear, I’ve spent too much time and I know all about the fake gentleman for sure” she made her statement strong towards me. “No you don’t , I’ve seen him and I know him for a long time too and he is not anything like you said at all..” I raised my voice louder than her to make a point. She smirked back at me and answered” He is not a good guy , that’s why he has been single always , besides all the girls that I know hated him…” And that was the last straw for me; “ Now look, just because he is single that doesn’t make him a jerk and who says all girls hate him, I don’t hate him, I LOVE HIM!! “ he exhaled soundly in anger . She giggled at my powerful reaction and pointed behind me . I saw him and Sarisha with a proud smile on their face. Not realising what is going on around me, I looked back at her who was bad-mouthing him just now. “ He is a jerk alright because he made me do this to bring those words out of your mouth” she signed the fingers when mentioning ‘those ‘ and I just understood that I was being played in the situation and all of it was pre-planned. “ I’m so happy for you , you guys make the best couple..” Sarisha squeezed me tight while I was staring blank at him, who was laughing in agree with her statement. Before he started his words, I just flee away from the confusion out of the house while he followed me back on tails. “ Hey you girl standing there, I saw you walking from temple the other day before you saw me, I followed you from there..” he replied while I was facing the other side. Although I was interested to know what would he say next, I kept on my anger face and not facing him at all. “ Then you ended up in front of my house and threatening me instead, I didn’t want to tell it that day or not you would confirm your stand to put me in jail.” His voice deepens in regret. “ Tell me what?” I looked straight at him and asked . He put his left leg forward and the sun was glazing at both of us as I tried to cover my face , he covered me instead with his figure. When his hand landed on my shoulders I saw the shadow formed behind us getting into one. “ I’ll tell you that I like you and I want to get to know you..” his words sink into my heart and I tried my best to keep a poker face as he said; “ They knew it and volunteered to help me get to know what is in your heart.” He pointed at Sarisha and his neighbour who was giggling at his ‘save her from the sun’ act. I let my guards and swallowed my pride to flash a smile at him and our story begins with his words; “My name is Harish Kalyan and let’s starts this over..” ... Read more
“Girl ah, wake up, we are almost there.”
Blurry voices started becoming clearer. Then came the jarring amber street lights, flashing by as the bus roared down the highway. The heavy rain beat relentlessly on the windows, jumbled together with the noise of the engine started to make her head pound, as...Learn More“Girl ah, wake up, we are almost there.” Blurry voices started becoming clearer. Then came the jarring amber street lights, flashing by as the bus roared down the highway. The heavy rain beat relentlessly on the windows, jumbled together with the noise of the engine started to make her head pound, as if a hammer was knocking on hear temple with every rumble of the engine. Disfigured shapes started to make sense as she started to wake up, and started to take the form of humans. A bold red sign in the middle of the walkway of the bus said “Klang Bus Station”. They had arrived, after 6 hours of journey, from a place that they used to call home. Stepping down from the bus, the stench of petrichor wafted over from all directions. The sharp smell helped to lift the foggy blanket over her head, and she started to see things more clearly. The crunch of soft gravel resonated with every footstep. Murmurs started coming along too, as people started growing impatient with the line queue into the bus station to take shelter from the rain. “Ah girl ah, we are almost at a place that we can rest, just wait a bit more longer.” She barely nodded her head, exhausted from the journey that was very much uncomfortable for her. She kept slipping off into darkness, her head bobbing up and down as she tried to keep her head upright. After 15 minutes or so, they finally got a taxi to pick them up. As soon as she got into the car, she faded off into darkness again. The next thing she knew was rays of sunlight streaking onto her eyelids, waking her up from her deep slumber. Her mom was already sitting next to her, smiling at her with a bowl of steaming porridge. “You are going to start school tomorrow, how do you feel?” She barely managed to shrug her shoulders to give a response as she took over the bowl from her mother’s hands. “I know it’s a new start, but just try to fit in. We didn’t want this change, we knew it would be hard on you too, but after thinking for some time, we decided it was the best decision to come and live here; it would make mom’s job easier.” She pretended to not hear and continued sipping her porridge slowly. She didn’t like the idea of going to a new place with strangers that she had not met before; she shivered at the thought of it. She never liked meeting new people, she always stuck to her own gang of friends which she had made friends with since they were still kids. They were always called the weirdo gang, because they rarely mingled with other students and they did not talk a lot in class, and thus got picked on by the rest of their classmates. Now, she had to go through all of this again, but this time alone, with no one to talk to when she gets nervous in class when people approach her. Maybe it’ll be different this time, since it is a new place after all, she thought. Her mom and she went about their day, getting supplies for her to start school tomorrow, with the usual supply of pens, pencils and books. But all in her mind were just two thoughts: to skip class or not to skip class on the first day of school. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, thinking only to decide when she sees the condition of the school and the classes that will take place tomorrow. She imagined the faces of other students when seeing her for the first time, judging her silently from their minds which made her think even more as her mind started to wander. “Are you alright?” her mom asked. She nodded and quickly shook off the thought, thinking hopefully that maybe she was over-concerned about the matter. As they walked home, she took notice of the golden evening sky, with the sun rays streaking through the clouds, as if they wanted to hide something from the prying eyes of people. She told her mum that she wanted to take a walk as soon as they got home. After helping to unpack the groceries and stationery that they had bought a while ago, she set off for her evening walk. As she walked on the asphalt road, the sky turned an even darker shade of yellow, with more colors blending in, as if the sky was not vibrant enough with colors. The likes of purple and orange started to seep into the sky, making the whole scene seem as if it had just come off a fresh painting board of a skilled artist. Sunlight fell on her randomly, sometimes shining through her hair as it bounced along to the rhythm of her walk. The tall trees that stretched along the whole road let the light through occasionally, creating patterns of light spots on her skin that made the experience even more surreal. As she walked down the road, she saw someone that had the same idea as her walking down this stretch of road. He was around 6 feet tall, which cast a long shadow behind him, as if a giant was walking with him. He was wearing a hooded jacket, which flapped slowly in the breeze as he walked. Something about his silhouette made her have the sudden urge to want to talk to him, but at the same time, her mind reasoned with her that he was a total stranger and that was not the right approach to someone. However, her gut instinct told her to go up and talk to the guy. She started walking faster, then breaking into a run as the distance between them closed up. She felt a sense of familiarity as she ran towards him. The guy heard her footsteps and turned back to stare at her. “Hi, my name is Virgo, nice to meet you,” she barely said it out between pants of breath and deliberately forced a smile. He hesitated for a few seconds before breaking into a smile saying, “My name is Aaron, nice to meet you too.” As they walked down the rest of the road together, she found out that he had almost the same reason as her for being there: to let his parents have a better opportunity to work and to be able to live a higher quality of life. And so coincidentally, he was also going to the same high school as her, which somehow made her feel somewhat happy, as her instincts told her both of them were going to get on well somehow. It was the first time her gut sense trusted someone so much just by looking at them. As the sun started to dip beyond the horizon, the amber street lights started to light up one by one, filling up the darkness that was left with the sun’s disappearance. Vibrant colors of orange, yellow and pink started to get replaced with streaks of deep purple. The sky’s hues darkened as the sun slowly set in a magnificent display of fire. As they walked to the forked road that separated to both of their houses, he said, “I’ll meet you tomorrow then I suppose. Maybe we can walk to school together?” “Sure, why not?” “Friends then?” he said, with a grin on his face. “Friends it is.” As she walked home pondering her decision, she didn’t understand why she initiated that in the first place. But the way he talked, the way he gestured his hands when he was talking about himself and his place of origin made her fell as if the soul of an old friend had come back to talk to her, but only in a different body. His facial expressions was not of the strangers that she walked past daily, dead, unforgiving, and judgmental. His expressions radiated a sense of warmth, which made her very relaxed and comfortable deep down in her heart. She began the journey back to her house, all the while smiling to herself like an idiot. Little did she know, she was about to meet a person, who would make her laugh even in the darkest of times, and someone who was there for her, no matter the hardships that came and beat her down relentlessly time after time. A wall that can be leaned on for anything throughout the course of her life, and a start of a relationship that she did not expect. ... Read more
She woke up with sweats as tears and ghost hands holding her down. Dreams are wicked things, nightmares areLearn MoreShe woke up with sweats as tears and ghost hands holding her down. Dreams are wicked things, nightmares are just repulsive and she is just tired. The pools of deep blue blankets on her feet was kicked hopelessly onto the floor. She curled herself willing, pleading, that sleeps would take her back in. Why did the nightmares return? *** “Pick yourself up” Sarah is in her mama bear stance and as always looks just as warm as a mama bear’s fur but still, a mama bear fierceness. Apparently she is just too annoyed with me as ‘getting a heartbroken’ is not a good enough reason to be all gloomy and emo. There is a cup of coffee in my hands that I keep on looking into it. As if it will give me answers. What answers am I seeking for really? Last night cliff hang in Supernatural? The editors work of me that have been piling up? The eternal puzzle of life? Him? Typical girl with typical guy problem. When did this become so mundane? “Oh my God, Alin! Stop shutting me out. It has been weeks already. How many times do I have to remind you that this is your own choice? Own it up!” “What if I was wrong?” My voice sounded so small, contrary to my confidence vibes I was told to have. That he told me how a girl who knows what she want is sexy. But I has always been a coward first. Is this what I truly want? *** He took off his helmet and his gloves. It was already dark though the idea of riding was so that he can return home before dark. But returning home means alone time and he hadn’t realize how alien the feeling is until she left. How suffocating it feels. He is reaching into his jacket’s pocket for his house keys when he found that there was a small notebook in it. It has a hint of a perfume that he has grown to feel happy instinctively after he took a whiff of it. “Why is this here? Oh ya. She borrowed it for a while because the leather jacket was so comfy to sleep with at night. Why was she so cold? The fever. Her first fever with me. “He took out his phone and start to call and as usual, the call is not connecting. “Stupid girl with stupid blocking craze.” *Sarah, can we meet tomorrow?* *** The cafe was dull even with the streams of people coming in. The pure smile of the cashier is dull. The exuberant thank you by the customer is dull. The uplifting piano music playing by the speaker is dull. This coffee that he had love since forever because ‘they did the best coffee in town’ is dull. Life is dull. Period. “Hans and his girl issue. The world has gone mad.” Sarah come through the door exactly at 9am as she promised. The way that girl obey punctuality is chilling and Hans had never be so grateful for that. “Are you bribing me with food?” asked Sarah as she gestured to the cake and coffee sitting across him. “It’s your favourite right? Alin always buys this and say it was for you” “It is” Sarah has now sat in front of him and suddenly her phone rings. She mouthed a quick apology and answer the call. By the way she looks all worked up, it seems like it is going to be a busy day. Hans didn’t bother to hear her and didn’t even notice she had hung up. “Spills! She only tells me that it was her choice and the freaking girl was a complete mess. That call was from a day maid that she asked me to book to clean out her house because her editorial work is ‘too much’. She was working like a freaking snail for God sake. She says that she’s gonna buys me dinner if I helped her and you know why dinner? She was too lazy to cook! I’m so tired with this childish drama. Heck, I never knew she can actually be so childish. What happened?” Hans is now completely shaken into reality with the non-stop-bullet-spitting of Sarah. If anyone ask later, he will proudly admit that he is happy that Alin was messed up. He is messed up. Good to know everyone is messed up, Sarah included. “She said that she had lived long enough under dictation and being ridiculed for what she likes by her father. She had fought enough self-doubt so that she can show her siblings that everything is ok. Everything is ok even when her father always left them and finally left them. I was so mad you know, we had a fight. Blah blah blah. I snapped. Blah blah blah. She thought I was like his father, hence the sudden outburst. I told her she was being full of herself, like always, and she said she was just being true. She is hard. Like hard, hard. She was thinking way too much sometimes and I thought this was just one of that fight until suddenly she blocked me in everything. Even the guards at her house and your office building knew me! That stupid girl is killing me!” Hans took a deep breath. It feels so good to spill it out. He doesn’t even care if Sarah think he is being childish for whining. However, Sarah was not uttering a word for a good one minute and Hans slowly getting anxious. Is he actually wrong or what? Is this another women’s puzzle that men will be taunt with for the rest of his life? “What? Give me some response. Come on!” “She never speaks anything about her father to me.” “Ok, great.” Who would have known that Hans is ‘the lucky one’? *** “Hey, is Hans going to bring you to the doctor? He has a car isn’t it?” “Yes” “It was his first time seeing you sick isn’t it?” “Yup. I even made him gave me his leather jacket” “Euww. You’ve grown soft” “It’s comfy okay. Logic thinking” Alin put her forehead on the table judging how the heck she thought she is well enough to be working. Sarah never left her side after she saw her walking into the office huddled in an over-sized leather jacket and looking like sickness itself. Alin is always amazed and puzzled too, on how Sarah always there for her. Even she felt tired to befriend herself. Hans, his boyfriend (she despises the term and thought it was a weak attempt in labeling relationship but Hans said that she has to use it because “we should speak in the same wavelength as of the community”), has been worried sick when she refuses to answer the call as answering calls in not in her to-do list today. “I told him something yesterday.” “What?” “Something. He stopped by my house and I don’t feel like doing anything so I just lie on my bed and we talked until I felt asleep. I was mumbling nonstop and he just hears me. OMG! That sound so cheesy.” “Welcome to the club!” *** Sarah was shocked. Deeply astounded. Appalled. Stunned. She is an editor and she is out of words. Deep down there is also a hint jealousy. She quickly kills the jealousy in her heart and focused on how relief she is. If Alin is here she would hugged the life out of the girl. “She never told me anything. I know he wasn’t in the picture anymore and she acted like having no father came naturally but she was not. She had bad dreams and it scares me when she became a little withdrawn at times. It was uncontrolled. I was so afraid that it would one day consume her. She looked down on herself so much that it hurts me. She was such a kind soul but she is punishing herself by shutting others. No one saw this. No one is allowed to be close enough to see it. She thought I didn’t see it but I did.” Hans is now more than convinced to win Alin back. Alin has trusted him. Alin always says that there is no such thing as love at first sight. It was stupid. Love for her is hard work and sacrifices and says that she is a lot of hard work and asked him to just go. It took him months to convince Alin no matter how unworthy she think of herself, she loves her deeply. That she was worth it. It was a selfish desire to yearn for Alin because she is good and he wanted to be so good for her too. “Help me get her back. I can’t do anything if I can’t even get close to her.” “Meet her tonight. At dinner. You have to make a scene. She is too kind to humiliate you in public” “What?” *** Alin is hungry and intent to eat her heart out as she finally completed her latest editing work which took her longer than usual. She can’t focus and the nightmares that recently came haunting her was messing her sleeping schedule. Not to mention, her precious notebook was left in Hans’ jacket. She was too proud and too afraid to ask it back. She just can’t believe in herself. She saw a familiar looking bike in her way in but she didn’t pay much attention to it because Hans will never eats here. Unintentionally, her current life choices are all meant to minimize any remembrance of Hans. “Ladies and gentleman, I’m sorry to disturb you but this guy have been bugging us the whole day asking permission to use the stage. It seems like there is a girl she has to talk to. It is going to take about five minutes and it might be cheesy, his words not mine, but he agreed to treat each table a slice of our new dessert. This new dessert is……” Alin chuckles a little seeing how the restaurant managed to publicize their new menu. “Free cake! Yay!” Alin goes through the menu thinking that she will jut order herself while waiting for Sarah. “Kind to think of it, Sarah never late. I’ll call her later.” She raised her hand for the waiter and the waiter comes to her with a cake. “A whole cake? Wasn’t it supposed to be a slice only?” Later, two other waiter followed and now three waiter is on her table carrying cake, flowers and iced coffee. “He asked you to hear him.” Suddenly all the lights went out and small lights that barely light up the rooms are on. A very spotty, spotlight slowly makes it way to Alin. Alin is ready to run but the waiter kind of blocking her and it is all too late now. She was in the spotlight. “I’ll kill you dead Sarah.” “This one is for Alin, the most amazing girl I have ever met” The crowd blessed them with an awwwwwwwwwwww. “Alin.” She shed a tear, oh my how she misses the voice. “I know you hate public stunts but I have to do this. You need to hear this out.” Hans took a deep trembling breath and Alin knew he is shaking. Hans hates being public more than she does. “I’ll never leave you. We’ll fight and might hurt each other but I’ll never leave you. I didn’t say this because I’m such a good guy that never leave her girl. I say this because I am selfish. You bring out the best in me and I keep wanting more because you make me so. You showed me things I never thought I can do and my selfishness needs you. Alin, I am selfish. I know I’m not the best for you and it is hard to be us but it is worth fighting for. You know why? Because I’ll never leave you. Please get that through your thick stupid skull. I’ll always be here. I want to be in your everything. Everything. I want you because life is better with you. Even with all your stupidity and weird quirkiness. I’ll forever stay. Actually, I never planned this but what the hell.” Hans left the stage and walk to Alin. Alin is crying. It wasn’t tears of joy or touched or moved or anything but it was relief. It was being lift off tonnes of burden. Hans get down to one knees and looked directly in her eyes, hands still trembling. “Marry me” “Asshat” ... Read more
Every day, I set out early in the morning to see Billy before going to school. He was the best part of my life. He lives at the end of the street of my housing area. The moment I see him, I see love and e...Learn MoreEvery day, I set out early in the morning to see Billy before going to school. He was the best part of my life. He lives at the end of the street of my housing area. The moment I see him, I see love and excitement in his eyes. He never fails to wait for me at the same exact place, every day, to meet me. I was pleased with his act but for a reason, it annoyed me very much. I couldn’t find where exactly he was living because of this. No matter in what state of mind, I am, he never fails to cheer me up. He was tall and muscular with a short but pointy nose. His eyes were the colour of honey and it could tempt you to keep them with you, lifelong. But above all, his lovely, adorable innocent face is the best feature of Billy. Unfortunately, my mum hates Billy and my relationship with him. I lie to her every day to leave home early to meet him. The very sight of him forces her heart to beat fast and cause an adrenaline rush in her! Once, my family and I went to the village for a few days to spend some time with my grandparents. Though the thought of Billy bothered me now and then, I still enjoyed my time with my dear grandparents. Just as everyone else, I was much fatter when I was back home. When we arrived back home, I was extremely shocked to see Billy, thin and tired in from of my house! My mum got furious the moment she saw him! I knew, my mum would definitely hurt him. I screamed as loud as I could, “Run! Billy run!” But all my efforts were in vain. My mum just snapped and started beating up Billy. I couldn’t stop my mum. Billy silently stood still and ran away only after my mum stopped beating him! I was upset. Crying, I ran up to my room and locked the door. My mum came up to my room and started knock on my door. I was irritated and refused to talk to her. She started speaking with a voice choked with emotion, “I shouldn't have hurt him. I realized his pure love towards when he was stagnant even when I was hurting him. I am sorry.” Her words puzzled me. I opened the door to see her standing there with tears in her eyes. Even today, when I think of that incident, I shed a pail of tears. Nonetheless, I thought, what kind of species could he be! Regardless of the abuser, who would be this mad to just stay still when someone is whacking you? That was when I realize what true love was. Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen. The next day, I took some ailments with me and started my journey to meet Billy. I felt guilty to approach him. Thoughts rushed into my mind, “What if he doesn’t love me anymore? What if he hates me? What if he starts avoiding me? What if…What if…What if?” The moment my eyes fall on him, I saw the same old love in his eyes with not even the slightest difference in it! I hugged him as tight as I could and I didn’t want to let him go for the rest of my life. Days became week, weeks became months, and time flew unnoticed. My final exam was approaching. I got too busy. At times, I was not able to meet Billy for one whole week, at a stretch. Sometimes, he visits me at my house. My mum treats him lovingly, full of care. He spends a few minutes with me, eat the food prepared by my mum and leave, happily. As days passed, I was growing. Nothing was the same anymore, except one, his love for me. Finally, the result of my examination was out. I aced my final exam with flying colours. Perhaps, that’s the thing I regret about most, in my life. My result got me an admission with a scholarship to London. My family was proud of me, my friends were happy for me, but I was extremely distressed. Going to London means leaving Billy behind. Billy, my life, my love… I was in a dilemma. My brain was not functioning, and I felt so lifeless. I was drowning in my own thought. My mum realized I am very much disturbed. She came up to me and while patting my head, advised me, “Honey, I know what bothers you. Don’t worry. Billy will always be here, waiting for you. But your scholarship will not wait for you. It’s your future. Once you finish your studies and secure a job for yourself, you can keep Billy with you, always.” My mum’s word made perfect sense to me, then. With a heavy heart, I left Billy behind and moved to London. My day is incomplete without thinking of Billy. I missed him a lot. The most awaited time arrived. It’s semester break! I was counting my days for this. I was so excited to meet Billy again after a long time! He would’ve missed me too. It would’ve been equally hard for him too, to stay away from me. I reached home and started enquiring about Billy. To my utter surprise, mum told me that it had been quite some time since she last saw Billy. I didn’t want to jump to any conclusion. I went to the place I used to meet Billy. He was not there. I started calling his name and searching around. I heard a very slow bark from a distance. I walked towards the sound. I couldn’t control my tears! It was Billy! Worn out and jaded. I took him in my arms and slowly patted his head. I still saw the same old love in his eyes. He barked twice and closed his eyes. Maybe, he was awaiting me. He was my home. Now that he left, where will I go? I learned, after all, the art of life is letting go…... Read more