The Luxurious Life of a Teenager

“You people have it all so easy in life.”

“You name it and things are available for you.”

“You are lazy, lethargic and sleepy.”

“You people don’t know what struggle is, you’re being brought up in luxury. “

Aman, a class 11 student was sharing his thoughts during the class discussion. His words came out like a volcanic eruption, finding vent after prolonged suppression. The topic of discussion was ‘Overprotective parents.’

‘These pithy remarks from adults around have become like an anthem for me.’ He continued. ‘They shelter and shield us when we are younger, but as we start developing our own views, this protectiveness gets morphed into criticism. Perhaps they are unable to accept the truth that we can have our own distinct individuality. Do they want us to live in their shadows all their lives? Following whatever they command us to do? If not, this sort of an emotional blackmail begins.’

‘At times, I start wondering about the level of truth in their words. It is my momentary self consolation that I have it all so easy in my life. It’s not that I don’t want to live up to the expectations of my adults, it’s just that I’m just not sure about what those expectations are.‘

’They get branded clothes for me; I didn’t ask for them. It is the same with shoes, watches, bags and the other things. I‘m quite okay with just being comfortable in worn out clothes and old shoes. I like to keep my room messy and my bedsheet to be crumpled and untidy. I can wear smelly shoes and stinky socks. That must be called luxury in the adult world, but I’m not sure about it.‘

I was just listening to him speak without wanting to interrupt his thoughts. ’When I dress up in the clothes of my choice, I am reprimanded for being callously unsocial. I really wish that I got some clear cut, well defined parameters. Most of the time, my altercation is not with the people around me, but a struggle between my immaturity and my intellect.‘

“You’re small, but not stupid” is what my mom often used to tell me when I was a child. She used to teach me a lot of values and things like self respect and self esteem. She had so much patience to bear my childish antics. But now, she often refers to me as aggressive, arrogant, self obsessed. Maybe she says all that in her fits of anger because sometime later, she expresses her regret and tells me that she didn’t mean to say all those nasty things. I can’t really make out what wrong I did to distress her.

She feels anguished because the situation gets out of control at times. I don’t mean to argue with her, it just happens. I can face her anger but these outbursts of emotion are difficult for me to handle. Maybe, she still wants to mollycoddle me like a baby but I am growing maturer. Well! I try not to take her words to heart because I know that she loves me and only wants the best for me. I’m not all those odious epithets that she refers to me with, she says, as she sheds a tiny tear. Nor do I ever want to be all that. It’s either that she has become more impatient or she has stopped understanding me. But sometimes, it hits hard, it sure does man I’ll be honest about that.

I‘m much more grown up now and should have hopefully become more mature. I’m not a child for sure but am not an adult too. There is always this everlasting battle between the puerile and the wise going on inside me.'

Generalizations About Us

I was still pondering over the words of Aman when Rajat questioned, ‘Ma’am, is high expectation also a sign of overprotectiveness?‘ He looked at me inquisitively as he started narrating his tale.

’Recently, we had a parent teacher meeting. A lot of parents of teenagers like me attended it. Most of them were concerned about the academic performance of their wards. Some dads were shaking their heads in disdain, mothers mostly looked nervous and exasperated wondering about what their child would do in future.‘

’One ill-tempered father started scolding his son in front of the teacher. All of us were taken aback at the humiliation that my classmate must be experiencing at that time. We can deal with failure and shortcomings, but our self-respect and public image is important to us too. Such a thing can shatter our self-confidence forever.‘

Among the other parents, the conversation was mainly complaints about teenagers. Each parent was only adding items to the list of complaints, but none of them had a solution to offer. They were talking about issues such as messy rooms, late sleeping habits, junk food eating and most importantly, poor results that did not meet their expectations.

This is what they had to say, "The world has become so competitive, you know, but my son/daughter is so blissfully unaware of it."

"Others will move ahead in their rat race, but my child will be left behind."

"He/She doesn’t really read the newspaper, is not aware of the latest political scenario, can’t face an audience confidently, can’t play like an ace sportsperson, can’t dance like a star, can’t write expressively like so and so and so and so."

"Youngsters like them have patented inventions, learnt languages and what not."

Some narrated about how they were a family of doctors and each member was so well settled except for this ’black sheep‘ that was studying in my class.

My goodness, unless I had heard their discussion, I didn’t know that these friends of mine had so many shortcomings. I didn’t know that they were so irresponsible, hard to handle, rebellious, defiant, out-of-control, aggressive. Until now, I had thought that we were a group of bright, chirpy and ambitious youngsters. No one really bothered to ask for our perspective or had the patience to listen to our problems.

Being generalized and referred to as “youngsters today have no value for…” can be soul destroying and it certainly kills our self-esteem. Why are we branded and given a bad name when it is due to a small minority of evil elements performing mala fide activities and frequently getting into trouble. I agree that some teens disrespect adults and also get into altercations, fights and other things. But to generalize and say that all of us are like that is not fair to our generation.

Just like each adult is different, in the same way, teens are too. Some might be misbehaved but many of us are hardworking, pleasant human beings who are struggling with a lot of issues without much experience of dealing with them. We do get a bit sick of being treated as if all of us were culpable criminals. Everyone has his own journey and his own set of problems. Our problems may appear to be trivial to others but are really serious for us.

Ma’am, we want to convey a message -

‘Dear grownups, we face an identity crisis when we get classified and categorised in a very generalized manner. We all might be going through a transition phase, but that’s the only common factor please! I plead to the adults to look at our problems from our point of view so that they deal with us at least a little more compassionately.

Do invest a bit of your time in understanding that our lives can be stressful too. We want to reach out to you and tell you our side of the story. Please observe and take a good look at the teenagers you are raising, spend some time with us without really getting angry. Anger and irritation either draw us further into our shells or makes us defiant and resistant. Be a little more patient, speak to us, participate in our activities for a while and just give us some guidance and understanding. That’s all we want. Perhaps, we are more capable of handling things than you think.

You have given us birth and lived with us since we were born and we idolize you. You influence us and have a deep impact on us. Please look deeper and try to observe the ups and downs of our daily lives. Do try to grasp many of the subtle pressures — biological, social and psychological — that are tiptoeing into our lives. We may not have the same stresses and responsibilities as yours. We may not have to pay school fees, house rent or electricity bills, cook meals or earn our own money, but still, our lives are not that easy.’

This class discussion ended many months back, but the impact was so great that it spurred me on to string all these emotions into words and bring them forth for all to read and understand the other side of the story.