Dedication

i deicate the novel to the characetrs that made me to write about them and to the Notion Press that made it possible to publish it.

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgements

Prologue

Front Matter

Gender change

1. Chapter - 1

Lost like Narcissus

Part 3

Back Matter

Foreword

Foreword

Modernity has ushered in new world of identity, multiplicity and freedom. Some may term it as strange time. But if one takes bird eye view it would be apparent that every age seems to be strange to a person living in earlier generation. Every time and space finds succeeding and preceding one as strange. Men want to become woman, copying women in their fashion, hairstyle, and other social habits. Women are trying to be more like men.

The anachronistic view may bracket it as degeneration but it indicates underlying unity of gender divides. From hindsight the Ardhnariashawar (half women and men) is mankind future goal and future earthly god. It might be also seen as free choice and urge to empower oneself with multiplicity of beings and sexuality. The LGBTQI is its de facto tender even if it has not become de jure or legal tender. Notwithstanding the fact LGBTIQI is meant to empower the sexually deprived , not as cultural option.

If one asks a woman, what she wishes to be re-born. If option is given, as woman or men, she would say man, exception notwithstanding. In the most cases if one asks a man about his choice about next birth, he would say he wants to be reborn as man again. This gap between most of women preferring to be men and men wanting to be men, given the chance of next birth, has something to do with gender gap and disparity between two sexes. Men having more freedom and option and choices than woman may have factored this. This might explain the skewed ratio between these two sexes as to preference for other sex.

But it is one’s life irrespective of gender divide and has freedom to be what one wants to be. Society should not judge men and woman on their sexual preference and past life. If one is free to choose his/her sexual preferences, she/he is free to face consequences.

And it is premature to judge a person or phenomenon as existence and existent are is infinite.

Preface

The novel opens with Sidhartha nick named Sid wanting to be woman. He is in 50s yet wants to change his sex. He discusses this with Anu, his long time friend and love interest. Both have been in love with each other but denying it and their relations stagnate in the friendship and bad faith. Anu encourages him to change his gender but makes it clear to him that he wants to enjoy other gender after enjoying his own.

Sid’s urge to change his gender has multiple narratives. His failed sexuality, his over possessive and over jealous wife, her minimalist approach towards sex, her rationing of conjugal right and above all Sid passionate personality make him to go for it.

Anu after counseling Sid to go ahead with sex change, also wants to change her gender. Her husband is effete and does not care for her sexuality which adds to her sexual woes. She has been unable to get over the castration complex. These lead to her decision to change her sex.

Before the story of these two characters goes ahead, there comes break in the storyline. The writer falls in love with the character of Sid and wants to change his gender without changing his sex. He wants to be woman and he falls in love with his character. He is unable to develop the character and story as he himself becomes a character and story.

As the writer has taken advance and commissioned to write this novel, he contacts his rival turned friend to do the writing. His friend agrees to be ghostwriter of this novel for money.

The ghostwriter before developing the characters and story of Sid and Anu, narrates the gender change mania of writer without going for it. He tells how writer has lost his being, his profession, his social relations and all. He has fallen in love with his characters and wants to imitate them. He keeps on falling, and his perversion ultimately leads him devising a social unity and equilibrium between man and animal world. The Pandemic and its unraveling of social fabric add to the woes of writer.

In between the ghost writer inserts his failed love stories. These love stories undercut the choice vs. design realm of human activities.

After telling his love stories, the ghostwriter turns his attention to main plot of novel. Sid checks in a sex change surgery clinic. He is turned down due to his advanced age. He is referred to one doctor after another. Finally, he lands into a clinic specializing in sex change therapy, not sex change surgery. They make him gay with proclivity and sexual preference of a woman.

Anu sex change surgery does not prove to be successful. Male to female sex change surgery is not as much challenging as female to male. The male genital creates problem in the most cases of the female to male surgery. This happens in case of Anu and she becomes eunuch or transgender instead of becoming male due to post surgery complications.

This botched up surgery creates a lot of problem for Anu. Apart from being stuck up in no gender realm, her husband abandons her. She loses her job of receptionist as the post is meant for women. She finds it difficult to find new job. She is unable to even hire a room or flat for herself. Perforce she has to join a group of eunuch who eke their living by dancing, singing and begging.

On the other hand, Sid feels himself cheated and exploited in the name of sex change therapy. His family life is in disarray. His wife openly takes lover. Sid leaves home and spends life of vagabond wandering purposelessly.

One day Anu’s luck shines when the owner of a dance company hires her as lead dancer. In her first stage show which she has been performing in semi urban area she becomes hit. But she is kidnapped by local gang. They take her to their hideout. She escapes from their clutch after taking advantage of the melee and chaos created due to the fire breaking out in their hideouts.

She is rescued by a local farmer of the area from the jungle she is found unconscious. While escaping from the gangster hideouts, she becomes unconscious due to exertion, hunger and thrust. The village headman gives her shelter. He makes her partner as he is widower and gay. But Anu gets bored of village life and goes to the town and finally is reunited with her husband.

Sid returns to home after wandering life. He finds home life suffocating as his wife is openly courting her lover. They decide to take divorce but later abandon it out of concern for their children. Sid seeks his solace in multiple partners and one night stands. His wife remains devoted to her lover. They stick to their married life because of children.