Notion Press Malaysia Short Story Contest 2017

The Story of My Unsual Life

By aidil harith in Humour & Comedy

Prologue

Ok I admit, I am a movie God. How do I conclude that? From my earlier interview which I am about to share with you. At first glance, you’d wonder if I actually did go mental but after a while you’d see the logic behind it and admittedly it worked if the pieces were put in the right places at the right time.

Get a cup of hot coffee to ease the pain, picture your self at the beach, laying down in that cozy slump of a couch as the breezing air and the sunlight shining upon you like a mother's love as I share with you my enticing interview which is seemingly odd but it worked. Word by word.

Interviewer - hi aidil how are u doing?

aidil - hello sir. I am feeling rather nervous actually. Sometimes when I get nervous, I might stick my hands under my armpit.

Interviewer – is that so? (With widen eyes)

Aidil – I was just pulling your leg sir. That quote came from that 1999 movie called Superstar. You should see that look on your face sir. (Giggles)

interviewer – oh ok (Raising eyebrows) let’s not waste time so tell me about yourself

aidil - what do u want to know about me?

interviewer - just tell me about yourself?

aidil - well you need to tell me where to start.

interviewer - i just need you to tell me about yourself

aidil - I wish I could. but I couldn't unless you specifically tell me which part of myself do you wish to know.

interviewer - are you hesitant to let me know about yourself aidil?

aidil - would you want to hear what I did for 29 years of my life? No you do not but you keep on insisting me about telling things which I don’t know how to begin with. So you need to tell me where to start.

Interviewer - Okay. lets start with you telling me about your strength.

aidil - What about it?

Interviewer - well, what is your strength? What are you good at?

Aidil - I'm a people person, very personable. I absolutely insist on enjoying life. Not so task-oriented. Not a work horse. If you're looking for a Clydesdale I'm probably not your man. Like I don't live to work, it's more the other way around. I work to live.

Interviewer – hmmm sounds familiar.

Aidil – It is sir. It was taken from the hit movie “You, Me and Dupree”. Pretty intelligent quote if you ask me. I don’t know sir, it seems that intelligent quotes from great movies always seem to stick into my head.

Interviewer – I could see your passion is great in movies. Why not in the movie industry? You might have a great shot over there.

Aidil - well listen, a person of my status deserve to be in a company as large as yours. I wouldn't want to work in some run-down, low level, miniscule organization. I don't see these imbeciles becoming my future employer and I don't see myself working with them. Ever. I live up to this principle - if you are the best and you want to compete with the best, you got to work with the best.

Interviewer – That’s a statement. Did that come off from a movie source?

Aidil – No. this one was straight from the heart sir.

interviewer - Okay. Besides your undying passion in films, what else can you impress me?

aidil - If you look me up on facebook, you would see I have quite a number of fans. I am saying this not because I did something but because I never did anything, and I am not really a somebody just yet. So I see this as a privilege that by not doing anything at all, you could get fans all over you. Now that is something to brag about.

interviewer - Ok. hmm where do you see urself in 10 years time?

aidil - That is all up to your jurisdiction sir. If you were to put me as CEO of this new company, then yeah that I see in 10 years. But considering that your company is very large, I was thinking of shrinking it a little – you know more smaller scope than a big one.

Interviewer – Okay. Enlighten me on your insights.

Aidil -There is a widespread feeling that just because a man has a large office
he must be an idiot, classic quote taken from Double Indemnity, Edward Norton. Each time I see a big office that quote springs to mind.

Interviewer – So you are implying that I am an idiot?

Aidil – No sir, I am just trying to protect your reputation as a potential employee of this company, I wouldn’t want to see people implying you’re an idiot just because you have a very large office as the quote makes out.

Interviewer – That’s very thoughtful of you Aidil. I am beginning to see the hidden meanings of all your movie quotes. Okay, If we were to put you in, how much are you looking at?

aidil – Well you are the one with the figures, how much can you afford?

interviewer - how about 5000.

aidil - Do i look like a 5000 dollar person? I dont come cheap sir. I respect you but

you want quality work, make it 10.

interviewer - how would I know you'd give me a 10 thousand quality work?

aidil - why don't you hire me to find out?

interviewer - I love your confidence level aidil. so what is your expectation working in my company?

aidil - I'd like to drive a red porsche in 5 years time. If I don't see that coming to fruition, I am leaving.

interviewer - when can u begin work?

aidil - how about right now?

interviewer – Don’t u need a month notice or an official consent from your employer?

aidil - I dont waste time. time is precious. You want to get things done, let’s do this.

Please excuse my impudence, I am writing this to express my strong interest to join the great writers’ position in your esteemed company.

My 4 year journey in the working world has only been surrounded with IT machineries and

technological know hows but the world of creative writing is yet to be seen, until days ago when a pull-out ad slipped right across me and there I stood realizing that this would be the chance I need. As I do not carry enough experience of writing in the working world, the above fictional interview is just one of the many crazy ideas which I’ve personally done to at least show my strong passion in writing and creative thinking.

I also append below my CV for your further action.

I anticipate your response with gusto.

Kindest Regards,

Mohd Aidil Harith

CHAPTER ONE

First Assigment - Sales

Sigh *

My first day on the job and I feel like as if the entire world was under me. I am lost of words tonight. I am still buzzing my brain off on what exactly got transpired here. Worst, I can’t tell what went wrong. I did what I had to do, I was being straight to the point, no hidden agendas in the back, it was a straight road and I didn’t expect anything of what was lying ahead.

Right now, I’m just thinking what is to become of me, if my manager finds out. I screwed my Quota, I screwed the client and definitely I screwed myself big time. Just in case to whoever is reading this gets in a daze, I’ve pulled out from the system how it all ended…and how I lied just to cover my ass.

Have a Good Read People!

biddle@xxx.xxx.com
——————--------

4-01-08

Hi Aidil.
There’s a new account in the Sales roster and I would like you to handle this yourself. I believe with your exposure to the Management trainee program, you could nail this one down easily. Prove yourself that you have the skills and knowledge to be a good seller.

Below are his details I’ve pulled out from the CRM.

Client : Hooters’Rooster
Key Decision : John Pazuzu - CEO
E-Mail : pazuzu@hooters-rooster.com
CRA : Replacing an obsolete machine.

Be Simple, direct and straight to the point.

I am counting on you on this one, Aidil. =)

Good Luck.

Henry Biddle
Sales Manager
biddle@xxx.xxx.com

Aidil@the_company_i_work.com
—————————

4-02-08

John.
Heard your looking for a windows-based server. We do have one. Its called System X.
Thx.

Pazuzu@hooters-rooster.com
—————————

4-03-08

Hi Aidil,
Could you elaborate me on what does your system X do? what are the machine’s specification? I need to know how it would benefit me in all this.

Regards
John Pazuzu
CEO of Hooters’ Rooster.

Hooters’ Rooster - Your One Stop Hooting for all the Roosters!

Aidil@the_company_i_work.com
——————
4-04-08

John,
THe system X operates. It’s Windows-based. Lots of Benefits. Its all over the Net.
Thx.

Pazuzu@hooters-rooster.com
—————————

4-05-08

Hi Aidil,
Probably you could come by to my office and go through with me in detail on this System X of yours? I’m currently comparing your product against HPP and DELLA’s offer.

Regards
John Pazuzu
CEO of Hooters’ Rooster.

Hooters’ Rooster - Your One Stop Hooting for all the Roosters!

And so I drove a lenghty 25 KM to Hooter’s Rooster, gave Pazuzu all that vile crap about System X in hoping for him to agree on the deal. The Next day I logged onto my machine and found this :

Pazuzu@hooters-rooster.com
—————————

4-10-08

Hi Aidil,
I’ve finally come to my senses that I will NOT purchase your machine. I think DELLA products are far more trustworthy than yours at this moment. Probably a different company maybe interested with your deal. It was great knowing you Aidil.

Regards
John Pazuzu
CEO of Hooters’ Rooster.

Hooters’ Rooster - Your One Stop Hooting for all the Roosters!

Aidil@the_company_i_work.com
——————

4-11-08

John,
Please buy system X. I beg of you.
Thx.

Pazuzu@hooters-rooster.com
—————————

4-12-08

Aidil,
Sorry I’ve made up my mind.
I have signed for DELLA.

Regards
John Pazuzu
CEO of Hooters’ Rooster.

Hooters’ Rooster - Your One Stop Hooting for all the Roosters!

Aidil@the_company_i_work.com
——————

4-13-08

John, DELLA, to the world, is a brutish fossil, symbolic of a decayed era gratefully forgotten. Look, DELLA is just lassoing your ass man!….Listen, I am giving you not one of the best, but THE best. I am trying to make a living here. Don’t be such a pussy-whupped man! Just cough in some god damned money man….Damn! I’ll be god-damned…

Aidil@the_company_i_work.com
——————

4-14-08

John…are you there? John…..

Aidil@the_company_i_work.com
——————

4-15-08

Please John…Say something. Ok John I am sorry. How much do you want? I could give you 20% off the price. What do you say about that?

Aidil@the_company_i_work.com
——————

4-16-08

Oh John. Your acting like a robed-sissy man! Talk to me Goddamit! You want to know something John, your one pea-brained,dick-faced, ball breaking, duck kissing pain in the ass!!!!!

Biddle@the_company_i_work.com
——————

4-17-08

Hi Aidil.
How are you? How’s your relationship with John? I hope it’s getting better and better. I’ve informed my managers that you are doing great with the sales thing. So I am looking to hearing some positive buzz from you with John. Update me will you. =)

Henry Biddle
Sales Manager
biddle@xx.xxx.xxx

Aidil@the_company_i_work.com
——————

4-18-08

Hi Henry.
I am doing A-OK back here. John is great but apparently something happened yesterday. He got caught in a car accident at 14th Street right in the intersection. It was in the news - something about a mega collision with a speeding truck. Body count was high too. I do hope his alright though Henry. My blessings go out to him and his family.


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