A Disciplined life. A perfect Record. No complaints, no hassles. Rajit was every parent's dream child, the golden lad in the eyes of all teachers and the perfect employee for all employers. After all, there was practically nothing this guy wasn't good at? His social skills were stellar, marks in class never below the highest grade, on top of that he was active everywhere from extracurriculars to scholastic events.

Now how was anyone to ever be a competition for the Prince of Franite's Law College? If the above-mentioned achievements weren't enough to explain his reputation then maybe the fact that this man had got every internship people could only dream of based on not just his experience but smart networking skills. At this point he was guaranteed to be the gold medalist and also expected to be the first student of our batch to get a placement offer.

And the worst part of it all you ask? His personality was good only for certain pairs of eyes. These included the teachers,p rofessors, employers and the toppers of our batch. Everyone else was a visible eyesore with whom he would get along for the sake of his persona as the perfect guy. It could be considered weird because everything aside personality counts towards making a good impression, but unfortunately for a college of Franite's level results were everything. So what the average students saw or said would never carry any weight much less against the so-called Royalty of the college. The higher-ranked kids were the reputation of the college and Rajit was the highest on that list plus he treated all those kids well enough for them to support him. So again his reputation could never be smeared.

Now here is where I come into the picture. My name is Fatima. Your most average, highly disorganised, distracted and perpetually confused law student who mind you only ended up here because my parents wanted this. Its not like I had many options because I was originally interested in Journalism and was naive enough to believe that the only path towards it involved studying elective English in my high school. So I took the entrance exam, cleared it, and got into the prized elective class only to be politely asked to leave within 2 months (read kicked out) because according to the teachers, I couldn't cope with it. So in that manner all my hopes and dreams came crashing down very fast. Goalless and extremely depressed, I managed to clear high school somehow and sat for Law college following whatever my parents desired. As if it wasn't shocking enough that I managed to finish the paper with 1 month of preparation the fact that I made it into the college with the #1 law faculty was enough to send me into coma.

But as they say don't count your chickens before they're hatched, surviving the first year itself was enough to send me spiralling. BALLB meant I wasn;t just studying Law but other subjects including Economics, Sociology, History etc. With deep-seated trauma thanks to my high school experience packaged with a very bad state of mental health thanks to being goalless, life couldn't get worse. But oh of course it did, because I failed 2 out of my 6 papers and hell was hot.

While other people would have had the top 15 and especially Rajit as their biggest competition mine were a bit worse because technically this lot was competition. You could only be considered worth any metal if you were able to compete with these geniuses but to reach them was a herculean task, especially for Rank 25 aka me. The funny thing about this is, these 24 people before me weren't even my first challenge. My most dreaded competitors were My crippling anxiety, insecurities, procrastination, fear of failure, ADHD which unfortunately translated as EXCUSES to most adults.

"You just don't want to put any effort." (or accept that you cannot see my effort cause most of it goes into taming my mind)
"Just work harder." ( Maybe give me tips to cope instead..)
"If you want to achieve anything in life you would work to the point where you would not be able to think about anything else."... and so forth were the most common reactions to my struggles,

I didn't expect much from people around me, but what I desired was some compassion, some leeway. Yet I guess that was asking for alot cause as my luck would have it when Mr ace of Ace, the one guy who knew what his goal was at 10 years of age and had no setbacks in reaching it, walks past me trying to tell a friend how much of a struggle it is to force myself to sit , get through the course because my brain wouldn't cooperate, stops near me and with the most grating smile possible says," Those are some terrible excuses from someone whose just not meant to be a student . A word of advice, maybe just go back and stay at home cause it would be a fitting place for someone as incapable as you." ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS MAKE HIM EAT DUST.

But more than anything it hurt at how easy it was for this privileged man to look down at my struggles and my effort cause they were not visible to him.

"Whats the point? You know you suck at graphs."
" All you know is rote learning, failure is all you can achieve in a field as practical as law."
"You failed all 3 history papers, you should be ashamed."
"Law is not meant for you."

These lines were the haunting echo chambers in my mind. My anxiety, my fear of failure; things that to my colleagues, to my professors, to my competitors were mere excuses to me were cage that broke every effort I made to become a better student. To the point that I almost accepted that yes, this was my lack of capability.

How was I to ever fight back when to most people my struggles were just my lack of capability was what I had been thinking till Rajit made sure to break me even further down the hole I was in. Yet for once, I would be thankful because despite the gnawing negativity his words made me actually wish for the impossible.

The next 6 months I was a ghost at college, self-absorbed to the point it scared even my close friends. Tests, Debates, Projects nothing was going to be let off the hook. I couldn't become a topper overnight nor the beaming symbol of positivity after being depressed for almost 4 years but i could try, even if it left me in tears. Even if I only had the energy to sleep and study. My college's motto was "To aim for the impossible" something I have never dared to dream of in my life. But those 6 months , I had to , for my survival FOR MY SANITY.

My mind didnt become any more manageable nor did my ADHD help. But I did get creative watching videos while solving mocks, doodling while listening to recorded lectures. Whatever could help me understand and retain more. My parents were definitely scared cause to them there was no way I could study this way but well it was truly the only way for me. To keep my procrastination in check I made sure to not have a spare moment to myself like literally...my only spare day was replaced with a legal aid clinic internship. And when I tell you on the final day of college, I walked in close to burntout thinking that I probably did overestimate myself. Just passing would have been a more sustainable goal for someone who failed at least 1 subject each in the first 3 years only for my teacher to come into class and make a beeline straight towards me (unlike my voices singing of my failure ) and hug me happily because as god would have it for the first time in 5 years someone managed to dethrone the prince! Maybe I couldn't challenge his cumulative gold medal as a result of his overall score but the award for the final year was mine and if that hadn't already brought me to tears my efforts with the legal clinic granted me a full-time job which also subsequently made the first person to get a placement from our batch.

All I can say is that sometimes achieving the impossible can be made quite possible and if you think otherwise my dear just give yourself one chance :)