If only I knew, that love would find me after death.
I was fonded with myself when I reckon no friends and love are as pure as you desire them to be.
I made many friends, they cherished me, cared for me, loved me and hated me too. Since, they cannot remolded my thoughts to be in love just for fun.
I am Riya, someone whose desire was to be a writer but my family was against it as they believe "The girl's who writes is a girl that can't be controlled."
I still reckon my diary, that gets burned due to my thoughts written in it.
An Uncle of mine read it, where I wrote love songs, Stories, sorrow and pain that I went through and it make them think I am in love at the age of 14 when the only love I have ever seen was in movie and books.
I got beaten up by my father not because he thought I am in love, but he never wanted me got caught up by that uncle.
I cried to save my diary while they threw it in fire and a part of me died to with it. The ashes drifting with the air taking my soul and dream with them.
At the age of 14, I stopped writing. My believe in me got shattered and all those writeup that I wrote to keep me alive got deleted after I read it in minutes.
2017
After quiting on writing, I dreamed to work in a MNC so I can be on my own and do things to bring back myself to life till I met the death.
I got a job in 2017, at a place I thought won't be possible for me but I tried to make me believe that I tried and it was just luck and my lack of knowledge for disqualification.
I worked there just for 3 months, as I suffered from a chronic illness which took 3 years for me to recover.
I was pampered by my family as they thought I won't be in family for too long. I remember laying down on my bed, When the visitors and relatives visited my home to give their suggestion about my health and the only things that comes out of their mouth is "She does not seems to be have a long life. Stay strong Riya's Mom and spend your time with her as much as you can."
This broke my heart and all I did was to pretend sleeping as my body was not in a condition to turn towards them and reply back.
I have seen my parents and siblings waking up in the night just to make sure I am alive. They did everything in their power to make sure nothing happened to me.
Financially, physically and mentally they were suffered because of me. And the thought of it, Made me wish for my death.
I waited for the night to never end, I waited to not get followed by the Sun, I kept my eyes shut in a hope that God might listen to me and I will open my eyes in the different sphere.
My parents bought me books to keep me happy, it was the first time ever I read a book after 14 years instead of my academic books.
"Things does happen for some reason in life, though the path you choose decides your destiny." The line I came across in the book.
The line that took me back from death. I deny the illness in me to kill me and stress my parents. I was to enchanted by the thought of others, that I too focused on the amount my parents were spending on my Illness.
What if I die, they will regret not for money but the thought of losing their daughter and sister, and this will not be able to keep them alive.
The more I read, the more I found myself.
"Life is unpredicted, so we are. The strength we hold is hidden in us until it's the time to use it."
I decided to work on me, I decided to wake up early, took my medicine on time, did exercise, made sure I eat even if I am not going to digest it.
I started reading, to keep my mind away from the decease eating me. Those books bring me back alive from my death wish and the illness brings the 14 year old kid back that died with her diary.
I gained my confidence, even if no was reading my work or appreciating it, I admired it.
Even if someone appreciated it, I didn't filled myself up excitement to vanish it. I learned and learning to keep that kid safe this time.
No medicine work on me to cure my Illness but the books did it too well in a year. The support I got from my parents if it was the same at the age of 14, I would have saved that kid.
Though, the end matters and I learned.
"The things we love and our soul craved for are the things we are destined to do."
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