“Sonali Dixit, 21, Loyola University of Arts” said Sonali with a tight-lipped smile.
Since she had been 3, she knew she had loved all things fashion and style. Since she had loved fashion and style, she had despised the name Sonali. It sounded too old-fashioned and typical – unlike her, who she liked to believe vibrated pizzazz and glamour.

“So, Sonali what were the obstacles you faced while competing for this contest, from registering to being in the top 10 out of the 2,500 participants?” inquired the kind-looking judge as Sonali feigned confidence on stage, her face radiant, proud even; almost as if she was not silently screaming inside.

A wave of sadness flowed through her. For a moment, she wished she could reveal the real adversity she’d faced.

Instead, she answered not untruthfully, but still shrewdly enough to provide a heart-melting answer the audience looks for

“Believing I could do it. I think battling your own insecurities is harder than the rigorous selection process or the ramp walk. It is easy to practice skills, harder to work on self-worth.” she said, flashing her flawless smile.
“Are you implying you are not worthy of the title “Miss Maharashtra”. In that case we should send you home, Miss Sonali. We want a confident and self-validating candidate to be crowned. The contest is not all beauty, I hope you understand that” a not so kind-looking judge on the panel charged to grill her.

“I am worthy of winning the contest and it is not just due to my beauty. It is because I am perseverant, talented, and confident as well. Let me explain. When I revealed that I had to work on my self-worth, it did not hint insecurity. I am secure but beauty contests are glamorized in the way, it sometimes makes the common man feel that the crown is inaccessible to them. The glamour is the charm, but for a middle-class girl like myself it seemed a bit daunting to believe I can win, but it never discouraged me enough to not try. And I think that is commendable – Being scared but jumping anyway” Sonali finished, this time with a genuine smile. It felt like a sigh of relief – to admit an insecurity that had made her chest feel like a pile of stones the entire contest process.

“Very well Miss Sonali, you can wait in the green room till we are done with the other candidates” This time the only male judge in the panel spoke up. He had been silent all this while, but his eyes seemed digging and unbelievably observant. Sonali had not missed that.

“Thank you judges” Sonali did a little bow which she had rehearsed since weeks and sashayed back to the green room.

The room was empty, as no friends or even family were allowed on the big day – not until the results were declared.

Sonali sat on the chair and admired the reflection in the mirror. She had chosen the make-up herself and it was giving Greek Goddess, in a subtle yet powerful way. But the moment passed quickly, as a tiny tear dropped from her cheek. With a swift movement of the hand, she dabbed it off with a tissue, scared it would ruin her hours of efforts, over the effortless look.
Since a little girl Sonali had detested crying in front of anyone, even herself. She knew it was natural, not weak but she was not the one to admit her deepest feelings easily.
Today, it was overwhelming. To not feel. Just like a bouncing ball which always strikes up after pushed downwards, Sonali’s suppressed emotions were now rising.
Friendship had always mattered to her. Sonali was the first one to learn how to wing an eyeliner and she had patiently applied it to all her friends even if it meant her neck sweating, a sensation she avoided at all costs otherwise.
She remembered how she had selflessly lent out clothes, even her favorite kitten heels to her closest friends.

Friendships, she had believed was like music and dance. The inventor of dance had loved music so passionately, that it had inspired them to create another art form. Is not that what friendship is? Inspiration in its truest form, a friend is someone who will not be jealous of your gifts but rather align their gifts with yours, to birth a synergy higher than before. Or so she had thought naively.
When Sonali told her friends she was thinking of participating in the Miss Maharashtra beauty contest, most of them had turned sour. They had made excuses to not support her, a couple even laughed at the possibility of her winning. Sonali had laughed with them, but a part of her died inside every time the other participants’ friends cheered at the sidelines posted photos proudly, and hugged them as they cleared another round.

“Why cannot I have that?” she had thought to herself, drowning in pity.
Now, as she thought of her journey, she could not help but be proud of her growth. She had decided to do something and had stuck by her word. With mediocre finances and no contacts, but lot of determination, she had successfully cleared every round to the point she was in top 10.
Suddenly, she felt love stirring inside her stomach. This time not for her friends or family, but herself. She realized whether she won or not, this moment would be etched in her memory forever. The moment she decided to love herself, more than she loved others. The moment she took charge of her own story, which she realized has just getting started. She smiled, her foot now stable, no longer tapping as she stood up for the final declarations.

The next morning her face was all over Instagram as the first runner-up, and this time she without waiting for anyone else’s comments or reposts, Sonali was the first one to like her own story.