I recently turned twenty. And you know, growing older has its own kind of magic. It doesn't just mean age; it means stories, lessons, scars, and memories. When I say I'm twenty, it feels like saying, "I have twenty years of life experience." Some moments are sweet, others salty, a few bitter—but all of them are mine. And today, I want to share one of those memories. One that came rushing back just a month ago.
I remembered him.
The Boy from Fourth Grade____________________
It was twelve years ago when I first met him. We were in the same class, just two kids navigating school life. Slowly, he became more than a classmate. He became someone special. We would walk together after school, tease each other, laugh at silly things, and share everything—snacks, secrets, dreams.
Everything was going perfectly... until that summer break.
When school reopened, he was gone.
His house, once just around the corner from mine, was now home to strangers. No goodbye, no explanation. I told myself he must have moved away to another city, and life went on. But somewhere in my heart, I waited.
As I moved on to the next class, I thought—maybe this session, he’d come back.
But he never did.
Still Looking from the Window_______________
I completed school. He never came back. I entered college, grew older, but my hope lingered—maybe the universe would send him back. I'd find myself looking at his old house from my window, silently wishing.
And then, on my twentieth birthday, the thought of him returned, stronger than ever.
"Was it only me who still felt this connection?"
"Had he already started a new chapter without me?"
"Did I ever even matter to him the way he did to me?"
My mind was full of questions, not out of desperation, but out of a need for closure. So, I sent the question into the universe: Do you feel the connection too?And to my surprise, the answer came quietly:
Ask yourself, darling. Talk to yourself.
1st Question: Why Do I Feel This Connection?_____________________________________________
Because he made me feel seen.
Back then, I wasn’t the kind of girl who believed she was lovable. I have brown skin, and in a world that often praises only certain kinds of beauty, I didn’t think I was part of it. But he saw me. Really saw me.
He made me feel special. He paid attention to the little things—my new hairstyle, the way I laughed, the small ways I expressed myself. It may sound small to others, but it was everything to me. For the first time, I felt like I existed in someone else's eyes.
2nd Question: What Happened to Me After He Left?_________________________________________
At first, I felt lost. Like the light he had lit in me went out. But over time, something surprising happened.
Without even realizing it, I began treating myself the way he once treated me.
I started to see what he saw in me. Confidence slowly replaced doubt. I began to love my skin, my smile, my being. What he gave me wasn’t just a memory—it was a mirror.
3rd Question: What Did I Truly Find Through All of This?___________________________________________
Now I understand.
He didn’t just come into my life to offer affection.
He came to show me who I could become.
Life sent him to teach me something I wasn’t ready to learn on my own.
And today, when I stand in front of the mirror, I smile and say,
"You look beautiful."
Because I no longer wait for others to validate me.
I’ve become the voice I once longed to hear.
I’ve stopped measuring my worth by someone else’s glance.
Now, I measure it by the way my own eyes soften when I see myself.
By the way I hold my head high, even on quiet days.
By the love I pour into me—with no permission, and no apology.
He was the beginning, but I am the becoming.
4th Question: How Does It Feel, Meeting Him Again—This Time, in Thought?__________________
I didn’t meet him face to face.
I met him in a moment of stillness, through thoughts that returned like quiet waves. And suddenly, I understood what he truly meant to me—not just as a boy from my past, but as a symbol of something bigger.
Now I see his role in my life clearly. He didn’t just pass through to give me affection—he came to show me something I hadn’t yet seen in myself.
He was never meant to stay forever. He was meant to awaken me.
I no longer live in the hope of his return. I don’t wait by the window or search for signs.
Instead, I live with a soft gratitude in my heart. For the way he saw me. For the way he helped me begin seeing myself.
I close my eyes sometimes, not with longing, but with peace.
And in the silence, I simply say:
"Thank you."
Because his presence taught me how to love mine.
Final Reflection_________________________
Some people arrive in your life like seasons—never meant to stay,
but destined to change your weather.
He left,
but the rain he brought
watered my roots.
He vanished,
but the sunlight he showed me
never stopped rising.
Because sometimes,
what feels like loss
is life
carving space for who we’re becoming.
And I?
I became.
Not in his presence,
but in his absence.
Not waiting at the window,
but standing in the sun.
Not with sorrow,
but with strength.
Because he left,
and I grew.
React
