I had made up mind to take that step in life which once looked cowardly and insane to me.
I looked at the fan. It looked steady and strong. Ironically my life wasn't.
It's difficult to tell what's all about ,as I will have to replay the events and scratch my wounds.
Let me gather some courage.
I am an Alcoholic.
And that's not the problem.
Not to me.
It all started after my parents passed away in the road accident three months back.
Father was working with an Insurance company as a field supervisor and mother was a teacher.
I cried for my mother as she always understood me. Stood by her son.
But , father?
He always found mistakes in each and every thing I did. Be it my studies, what I ate and what I wore. Life looked like a pain when he was around. I didn't shed a tear for him.
I went to see him at the hospital where he was counting his last breath while mother had succumbed to the pains after the accident. I cried for her like a child and miss her. She used to give me money hiding it from father.
Father didn't leave a dime for me.
All his life he had been humiliating me and blamed mother for who I had become.
Acually he never planned any thing for my like all father's do.
Such a shame.
After the accident, I had to take loan for my college fees.
The elder sister moved to ganny's house.
Intelligent girl.
Now, nothing was there between me and my alcohol.
I had also taken loan from another App. for the rent.
Oh, did I say rent. Sorry I lied.
It was for alcohol.
The plan was to payback both loans after selling mother's Jewellery which was lying in her Almirah.
I asked the jeweller " how much for this"
He tested it by rubbing something on it
And stared at me.
"What?" I asked.
He almost threw it bank.
"Get lost"
I wanted to ask what happened again but didn't.
I understood it was a fake.
The lender who gave me loan had been calling me for a few days as I had defaulted.
And for last two days, his collections team started threating and abusing me. One of them had come in the morning today and tried to hit me. I pleaded, and asked for time for two days.
He slapped me and gave me two days. It was brutally embarrassing. I was shocked.
How could someone hit me.
I am still stuck in my life. Don't know what to do.
The calls from the lender never stop.
Now I am here, sitting alone, trying to figure out my best options.
Suddenly, the door bell rang.
I knew, it was them.
I looked from the magic hole. It was a stranger.
I opened the door prepared for the consequences as nothing scared me now.
The stranger looked poised.
"Are you Mr Manohar."
"Yes" - I replied.
"I am your father's advocate, he left a will for you. Fixed deposits for 1.23 crore.
Here are the details."
I looked at him unbelievably.
"Sorry, I had some emergency so couldn't come earlier" he said.
" Are you sure, he had this much savings?"
"Yes, a good amount was his inheritance and and another significant amount was from his monthly recurring deposits. He has also given keys of the bank locker which has some jewellery of your mother. You need to claim that from the bank "
I was speechless and looked at my Father's photo inside the room, hung on the wall.
A tear escaped my eyes.
I collapsed on the sofa after he went back.
How should I be feeling ?
Ashamed. Guilty and remorseful.?
You are right
I picked up the phone and dialled a number.
" Can you come here? There is something urgent."
"What happened? All well? Came the response.
"Nothing much, just wanted to meet you" I said.
"Ok will be there in an hour.
I disconnected the phone and looked at the fan and kicked myself
'what was I even thinking '
Ding dong. The door bell sounded more like in sync with my heart beats.
I opened the door.
It was my elder sister, who I had just called.
She stepped trying to read my face.
" Tell me what's so urgent?"
I gave her the documents which advocate handed me and told her everything.
She had tears in eyes.
Vani was father's favourite. And I always hated her.
I kept my hand on her shoulders.
She didn't stop crying.
"I am sorry Vani. I mean it. I called you to for something else as well.
I don't deserve this money which dad left for me. Not a penny. A monster like me? " My voice was filled with guilty.
Vani kept looking at me like my mother used to.
" I am transferring everything to you tomorrow, I will take up a job even if it's small" I said and walked to my room.
When I came back, I had the alcohol bottle with me.
I opened the cap and poured out every thing on the floor.
I looked at her after the bottle was empty, she was smiling.
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