You guys might have read somewhere that...
The elder child is always raised
But the younger one is always loved.
Also..
The daughters are always raised
But the sons always got love
Unfortunately, I'm the daughter and most most unfortunate is I'm the eldest daughter.
Chapter -1
Today was one of the usual days in my life, when i was 6 years old .
I was in the school preparing for my state level dance competition. I was feeling happy and energetic with lots of dreams in my eyes like a normal child feels at that age.
I put in all my hard work and life for that dance competition to make myself and my parents proud
I was very happy that my parents, my mother and father would see me performing on stage like any other child.
She had promised that she would come but unfortunately she couldn't make it.
I was called on the stage all dressed up in a tricolor a-line kurti and a dupatta with alta on my hands and feet , i was wearing alot of bangles in each hand nd anklets in my feet, everyone was looking at me , it was just me on the stage in front of hundreds of people, the song started to play (desh rangeela) that represents the different colors , morals , festivals and cultures of our country.
I did my best and got the first prize. Everyone was clapping and standing after my performance had finished.
When i got home, my mom told me she had came to the event but wasn't allowed by the gaurds to enter because she forgot to bring her identity card , and so dumb of me and my age that i believed her.
But after a while, i realised that everything she said was a lie and that lie broke my heart as it was a very big opportunity for me , for proving myself.
It was just a normal day for everyone but for me it was the special and the worst day that shattered my hopes.
Chapter-2
Another day, another story.
Let me tell you guyz one thing, i genuinely love my parents i did and still do but by the time i need them the most, they were not there for me.
School days are very memorable and i know that u all can feel the same unless your parents start comparing you with your cousin or sibling in every aingle task .
Here's one of the story,
I was studying in 6th standard and had given an international maths Olympiad.
You guyz might surprise but i got the first position at the district level and then 3rd at the state level.
But but but
I wasn't appreciated,i did everything i could for me , my parents for everyone to make them believe in me .
As u read before i got the first position in dancing competition, like that i also got the first position in art , decor,rangoli, studies and even more things .
But everyone always make me feel like it wasn't my achievements .
Everything i did was just luck , everyone ignored me and always love and expect much from one of the cousin.
I know he's good at studies and is a strong minded person but
WHAT ABOUT ME ?
WHAT ABOUT MY EFFORTS ,MY ACHIEVEMENTS?
You know what ?
When you went from this type of phases , you lose your confidence and so happened with me ..
Chapter-3
Got promted to higher classes and started finding love outside of my home beyond my comfort zone.
But it was the biggest mistake i did.
This process of finding love put me in such a situation that it was very difficult to get out of the toxicity.
Red flags and toxic people and much more, which all made me more desperate for love or to be loved truely.
Then , i got into 9th standard from where my life and my problems became worse.
I loved a guy .
He loved me too but i wasn't ready to get into any relationship but but but MY SO CALLED GOOD FATE
put me in a situation where everyone assumed us to be together but we aren't really.
We we're really good friends,even i wrote his test papers and make them disappear if he didn't have them well.
Somehow I completed my 10th and left for Chandigarh and I joined a coaching institute for NEET preparation.
It was that time from where i our love story started.
He came to chandigarh after me .
We starred to meet and got closer and closer .
I have found my love , true one . But i didn't realise that my hunger for love is so much that I got into troubles because i needed attention that i crave my whole life .
Chapter-4
We started to go shopping, movies and much more .
He loved me like crazy.
But because of my childish behavior, i lost him .
But he didn't give up on me and CAME BACK TO ME .
Chapter-5
After completing my 12th standard, and appearing in the neet exam, i got into the medical college .
But he became toxic or insecure idk what to say.
He don't let me go to attend classes without video calls or even to the mess so I don't talk to anyone .
But all this made me frustrated, i started to stay alone .
But then i started to visit him for around a week once in every month.
But i broke again, when i got to know that he is dating another girl despite me being with him.
But i don't know why i forgive him and decided to start a new life or re-start our relationship.
Everything went well ,but ad you'll all know , happiness doesn't stay for long.
Again i made mistakes and he helped me got out of them.
But after that i decided not to make any mistake not even by mistake but my mistakes made him more toxic day by day.
Chapter-6
New beginnings
His visa came , and we met for one last time before he goes to canada.
We had a really good time .
Time passed and the day of his departure came .
I was extremely sad and overwhelmed that i cried alot that night .
But i somehow managed to stay strong and keep our relationship fresh n new.
After 3 months of his departure, i eas diagnosed with a very severe condition, I didn't even know that i would survive or not but time passes and I recovered.
I miss him every moment till now,
I know I'm not too close to my family because I'm living for 7 years away from my family .
I visit my home once every 2-3 months for 4-5 days.
And it doesn't make any difference for them or me .
Because they don't have time for me .
Me and him celebrate every occasion on video calls and updatw each other. About everything most likely me .
Final chapter
But by the time flies, he becamw more and more toxic which is somehow depressing for me .
His actions made me so underconfident that i dont even hav faith on myself.
First my parents did thus me and now him.
No one really believe me or loves me unconditionally.
I'm the most unwanted person in everyone's life as everyone need me conveniently.
I'm at that stage of life where i dont talk to people, have 0 confidence in me , anxiety issues, depression and what so ever.
I can't go anywhere, can't spend my time according to my mood, have backlogs, irritating nature , hate for everyone but also can't see anyone sad .
I just want myself to be free like i was , confident that no one can beat my Calibre.
I want to be the best and most successful person whit all the freedom . 💖
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