I am Rup Narayan, the eldest son among five brothers. We were brought up in a big family with meagre income, in Bihar. Beside I have four elder sisters. My father was a moving equipment operator- a class 5 drop out due to fear of being beaten by English teacher. Mother was illiterate housewife. Our primary level schooling was done at our native place in Rohtas district of Bihar and Graduation was done with our personal efforts by giving tuition. The struggle that my brothers and I passed through boost the confidence in us. All gossips and useless negative talks from the neighbors and equally illiterate or semi-literate relatives fall one after another when I dedicated my efforts to complete my graduation despite all odds. The more the gossips grew and negative talks began that getting the Government job is just like meeting the God in today’s time. I being totally determined to put in my whole-hearted efforts, I continued to study and giving tuitions almost 4-5 hours every day to make some sorts of money that can help me buy books, newspapers and magazines. Every day, almost 6 years after my 12th, I devoted the same time for tuition. After tuition I have a well-balanced plan for study. I used to read, make notes etc. after 10 PM till my eyes starts burning and closing automatically for sleep. This way I finally got selected for Government job to a modest post. The real journey began in our family when the matter of marriage was raised time and again. Here also I was well determined since I have tasted the value of education. I was adamant to get married with a bride who should be minimum Graduate in any discipline. In our community finding one such bride, particularly in the district area from which I belong to was a day dream. Almost all known persona and relatives turned their face away. They even started to forbade the people to visit our home for marriage purpose. My father and mother became desperate. I being the eldest and now in Government Job, the first graduate in family. Here I broke the unbreakable rule so far for education. Almost my all relatives are in petty private jobs or in very small-scale business to earn enough to keep the body and soul together.
Another turning point was in life to break the unbreakable in my family pedigree. So far no one was married far away from our own district or neighboring district. Since, all the relatives became hostile, villagers too were against and finding a suitable graduate bride for me became almost impossible. I was still devoting myself for a better post in Government Job and in fact cleared 4 exams for 4 different post in next 5-6 years. I joined one during this period since I have cleared two post at the same time. and abandoned the another one. In last one year of this 5 year again I cleared two more post, joined and abandoned another one. Finally, I settled for this job. My dedication boosted my confidence so I was trying to crack IAS exam. But as I have already narrated that I am the eldest among my brother and all my sisters are elder to me. They were married in their tender age. They too got a bare minimum education up to matriculation. Story is long. So, I will stop sharing their story here.
We were talking about my marriage and the unbreakable rule of getting married far away from our native district. After finally getting settled for a post of law enforcing officer. My hunt for marriage began. This challenge was also waiting for me. You see, and now you already know, that almost there was no one to look after the arranging a marriage. You may be thinking that when I got settled I could have easily got one bride to marry. Up to some extent you are correct. At 2-3 office colleagues tried and persuaded me to get married to a bride known to them. In fact, one colleague brought one person who belonged to my native state Bihar, and you know I got settled in New Delhi. Here caste barriers are almost non-existent and getting married at such place is easy. But it is equally easy to get carried away, and lose your identity. Life is not only about making money and getting married and have children. Life, though is simple and looks like the same, but it is a journey that everyone has to pass through. But at the same time life is complex phenomena to keep and save your identity, as to who you are? What is your potential and how much strong determination you have to stand and prove yourself.
So, the quest for the search and hunt of a suitable bride was a question before me and my family members, particularly my father and mother who were losing their hopes and becoming fragile day by day, in desperation as if my marriage will be solemnized or not! This has furthered their desperation for my younger brothers’ marriage as well. All the four younger brothers were putting in their whole-hearted efforts to get through and settle in their life on their own. Two of them were living with me and I was supporting them to come out in their life with triumphant colors. I was clueless. But by this time internet has already come into play in our country. I had to follow our traditional norms of getting the marriage arranged through my family. I used one matrimonial site to find my soulmate. This will sound and you may be feeling to life to find a soulmate through internet. What a rubbish talk I am talking too. Ha ha ha…. I am feeling like the same to laugh with you. But wait, finding a soulmate does not means looking after infatuation and fancy ideas. It is about finding the one who can walk with you the whole life shouldering with all the responsibilities through your odds and even time.
I had started to search the one at least 5 years beforehand I had finally got settled. By the time I got one final match from our community and from our native state I turned out to be 34 years. To your surprise I was looking for only a graduate bride but I got the bestowing of the almighty and she turned out be a double post graduate, teacher in Bihar. But the family was far away from our native district almost 450 km away. No, one has ever dared to get married at such a far distance. My thinking and belief systems has got transformed with the time and due to education. You see, I forget to tell you that when my age for further government competition was over and due to my habits of late-night reading and study I got enrolled in evening college in Delhi Law faculty which I completed after my marriage.
Yes, where we were. Oh! We were talking about the search of a bride for my marriage, right. Ok, alright. Through the internet matrimonial sites our family come across. I chose and shown my interest on the internet and the matter grew further and in short span of time after completing all the normal formality of meeting both families with each other and after meeting with us from both sides, both the family, after having satisfied from all the angles, our marriage was finalized and we got to tied in the unbreakable knot forever on the fateful day. Now we have two little angels.
But wait, the real twist of the story. What happened when I broke the norms of unbreakable rule of getting married in nearby neighboring district or in our own native district. Our all hostile relatives and other family member further become more hostile. Within a year my ailing mother who was suffering from diabetes, blood pressure and being illiterate, despite all guidance could not manage of herself and she became weaker with the passing of time. Her diabetes became uncontrolled and I heard this news from my native village from one of my younger brother. I asked to bring her to Delhi. I got checked from the Ram Manohar Lohiya Hospital. She was admitted and treatment began. She was passing through ups and downs. Doctors raised their hand saying that her condition has worsen due to negligence. I consulted the HoD. He explained me everything. One day she went in coma due to extremely high sugar level. The Doctors released my mother. We brought her to our home where she took her last breath in next 6 months. Immediately after having completed all the last rights for her I returned back to Delhi and within next 20 days I had another shocking news from my village. One of my nephews was still there after all the last rights ritual of my mother, he told me that my father had a fatal accident. He without a pause and straight forward told me to catch the train or any means and reach home since father was not more and he lost the life on the spot. It was so, shocking and blew my mind off. For a moment I was blank. I informed my seniors and without any official formality in writing on verbal submission for leave I left with my 3 younger brothers immediately for my native village. Again, all the same rituals were performed. A lot of new customary habits were brought before me. Now, I became the head of the family from being eldest son. All the family responsibility started to move around me. My marriage was almost only a year old we ourselves were struggling to settle in our life, since my spouse was working as a teacher in Bihar Government we were living separately and with planned leave we were making our live rejoice able.
As I told the real story, after breaking the unbreakable rule started unfold before me and my family. No one was again coming forward to help us for the marriage of my younger brothers. I followed the same methods of internet, but in vain. Finding a suitable match in our community was rare at that time during years of 2000 to 2010. Education in our community in our age group of brides were very poor. But by that time around 2012 WhatsApp has come on the social platform along with smartphone. From 2012 onwards when my parents passed away till 2016 I was using my mind all the means to reach to the right family to find a suitable match for my MBA brother. But it was not working. I used to attend our community-based programs to come across the educated people but here also it was fruitless. In fact, I find that they themselves were struggling and were clueless. I heard about a community contact directory published from Patna. When I went to Patna I searched for the person who had got that published. I bought one from him. Thereafter, I used to call almost everyday to a person after selecting and screening supposing to be a right one. But it was also not working. I myself started community meetings in Delhi. Here one person namely Mr Mahendra Sahni came to me. We with time become friends. He suggested one bride who was in his relation. In the beginning we were not much interested but after one more year of struggle my younger brother decided to marry her. His marriage was solemnized in 2014 in Ranchi almost 300 km from my native place and now in Jharkhand, a cross state marriage. But the nightmare was not over. Two more younger brothers were left to be married. I forget to tell you that since my mother was ailing and I being the eldest and posted at Delhi and also, I was preparing I had refused to marry a bride lesser than graduate in education. My third younger brother who was living with my parents were eager to marry since he was not much interested in education and after his graduation he stopped further study and also did not tried to find a job. Parents were also adamant for keeping him with themselves to look after them. Since, there was need of one person to add help in the household core and marriage was also a need. His marriage was solemnized first.
During the quest for search for marriage of my remaining two brothers it became even more tougher for me to find a suitable match. The more successful I became by breaking the norms more the people, relatives and near family members became hostile to us. Though shows their empathy but for only show off. They have not heart. I was understanding everything. But I could not ask anyone as a right to come forward. So, I never asked anyone. I continued my fight, my self-pride and respect for my worth always came in my way to kneel down before anyone. This way in year 2016 I suddenly realised that WhatsApp has a facility to make groups for chat. By that time, I was also using with my colleagues but had never realized that it can be used for search of bride and groom. So, I made one such group dedicated for marriage purpose. At that time WhatsApp was not in use for search of bride and groom. I faced a lot of condemnation and resistance. It continued. But by the end of 2017 I got one suitable match with the help of one such matrimonial group that I had created. My fourth younger brother’s, an MBA, marriage was solemnized in Muzaffarpur almost 400 km away from my native village in 2017. My last and youngest brother who completed engineering by giving tuitions along with his engineering course and after that he completed MBA was left to be married. It was the most difficult time for me. By this time, I became desperate by searching, not finding suitable match and if found anyone, rejection due to financial hardship during those days.
Our combined efforts began, all means and tools available were placed on menu for search. New relatives were also asked to help. But all failed. I was left again to fight this quest. Internet matrimonial sites, WhatsApp group. After two years of working on WhatsApp matrimonial chat group has given idea to people that it is a good means to find a suitable match without running here and there. As a result, more people shown their interest and started to come out forward. But the quest was tough this time I and my brothers have to work and look for someone more suitable than what we had searched for so far. Again 2 more years, and with lot of drama we got one suitable match a PhD bride in Chhattisgarh, at Bhilai. Again, we broke the unbreakable rule and this time around 800-900 km away from our native district. His marriage was solemnized in years 2019. Since, then we all are living happily with our family.
The story that I began has got the popularity. And now in year 2025 there are a number of matrimonial WhatsApp group and marriages are arranged using this tool. Who cares, who started the and what. Once the tool is available in market people run after it as it makes the life easy.
I don’t know what is waiting in future. But my inner conscience says my toughest life challenge after breaking the unbreakable rules is still waiting to prove. The time is far away till my children grow. But let’s see by the time they will grow; the time will change tremendously.
Hoping for the best with my sincere advice to listen to your soul, find the path and right information. There is always a way in life. There is always a hope, if you think it right and put in whole-hearted effort. Once you align your inner conscience with your goals sooner or later your finds the path. There is more story to tell but I think this is good enough for today.
Enjoy the life. Enjoy the journey of life and the struggle. Because a life without struggle is no life at all.
Sanjay Kumar Choudhary
07.06.2025
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