In the hues of the setting sun with a cup of tea sitting in the canopies of bougainvilleas
The mind took a flight to the time that would never show up again.
14th March 2002/ Mumbai ,Juhu beach
The clock's one hand was about to reach 4 in the evening, A text message arrived ....
The world between us , probably mine changed forever.....
He wrote, ....
If I could ask you to forgive me if we broke up forever after that midnight !
My mind fumbled ,I said to myself
"This couldn't be him and I couldn't be that which he wants me to be ?"
Corners of the room build an instant darkness.... brought forth the mistakes I made,
Petrified heart and vulnerable sometimes sealed million of emotions faking a monster inside me for the everything between us changed from friendship to love,
"Ofcourse dear I love you ".
I'll always do till my soul exist but sometimes we start picking up little screwed things which wouldn't have last much longer but it turned up to our arguments and end up as mine annoyance .
I knew what i did left me heart broken everytime and I guess it wasn't easy for you too though you never said ,
I never meant to took hold of things personally but those moment's of solitude imitate traumatic experiences of my past life and haunt me at intervals and you might have noticed it on my face And ever had tried to calm down but I failed to endure that you always had care for me,
l never confessed that your often late coming brainwashed me and the living cells pained me like hell, And to heal it I feed upon alcohols ,
Bloated with sorrows and anger I tore and trashed down all the emotions built
And certainly you never abandoned me and judged me,
I found the coquette gazes towards blue walled sky more lonelier, when I missed your company on special occasions, Athough the way you treated me like a kid on our meetings convinced me to sleep peacefully
Light emitting stars hidden in your cardigan were in love with the threads of my warm clothes because the trails of it remained on my sleeves,
You asked me once to stay till the next morning but I kept in nagging because I feared more closeness will ripened the seeds of betrayal and perhaps this wasn't the reason we left eachother ,
Overcoming the challenges and winning almost all of them our relationship achieved the tagline of well personified relationship status made you proud of being us but someday the busy schedules of you ushers voiceless fights on prom nights and dates that broke me and scarred you to extent,
Pardon me love I wanted to say when you called me to embrace from distance but my ego came before and whispered in my year , Don't listen to him more,
As the bonds weakened the threads loosened it's survival ability,
My mistakes stabbed both of us but I never realized it until we broke forever,
I never should have listened to the heart who may be confused and a bit terrified and a dumb,
The romanticism I craved from the beginning , I did believe I ruined it for pointless reasons,
I am unhappy today and would be forever because my eyesa couldnt unraveled the truth of your heart,
I am supposed to be guilty and crying but still I shamelessly ask for your forgiveness !
"Pardon me , love ?"
I lay on my bed closed my eyes tried concentrating but in vein,
Thought of dropping the plan but just at the moment i was about to open my eyes by some unusual forces I found standing in that bliss,
Symphonies of fireflies entrapped the
extraordinary gaze of night at the shores of my untouched heart,
Beauty of darkness make us bloom like a petrichor dew,
Clearer the night may seem but heartless time read and decay the lovelier lavender sky,
Whispers and then silence the lullabies luring nightmares,
Emanating lustre lantern through the peak of luminiesence freed the complexities that caused heart to pain and eyes to cry,
Peeled part of the sky hung down beaming astral realm ebbed the broken auras delineating the saddest songs of my camouflaged life.
Shorelines pouring my lost and found dreams in decanter wipe away my midnight tears wetting pillows of younghood, Falling dusk picturing the monopoly of universe descends to the waltzing cobalt seas, A blink of ochre and grey on the fog swirled the hollow abyss drenching dawns.
Mildy inebriated sometimes but never a drunkard seeping smell of local wines.
Leafless petals awaits birthing unless seeds of present blossoming wishing dandelions ignoring the floating perfumed soul curating pernicious hours once more,
Blocked memories deprive of a warmly touch turned into a gossamer wings fading the umblical connection to mandarin sunsets.
As heart in dream repairs the wounds of present. Leafy branches awaits birthing
unless yesterday's seeds blossom
into tender blooms. Scars of yesterday,
Blend in today's tears,Under chandelier of bitterness .
Holding the broken pieces of heart reposting the poems you wrote once in those empowerment days remind you weren't weak and tired but need some care and peace that has been sold to him at no prices,
Perfectly groomed you laughing on silly jokes try to hide the terrified heart till eyes asked the road, how many miles to go.Yet Selfish heart,
Disguised as perfectly fine, only to see you,
being destroyed forever after.
Intricately woven, with a sheath of lace. Adorning pearls, Illuminating elegance of a new soul Still this alkaline streams reappears,
Each night regurgitating regrets,Hollow halls are mourners.
At the cremation of my lonely longings,
Quiet moonrise tolerant of my giggles
Couldn't sacrifice it's glow,And I still rise from the dark pace,Breathe and behold the burnt fragments covered grave of my dreams,
Therapeutic muse metamorphosing heart,
Reborn a warrioress bleeding anger and pain,
Colorless flower wreathe mine immeasurable power.
Mortality almost could savagely trapped burning hope,I pretend to be fine anchored to my fate,Hiding this intangible feeling bound to nothingness,With curve and scars armour pride and glory.Not anymore a slave of you but a woman made in heaven.
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