The letter lay in front of me on the table. It bore the official seal of the Ministry of Cultural Affairs. The intimation came directly from the Cabinet Minister of Cultural Affairs, Dr. Apeksha Oberoi. I felt an instant connect with the name. She wanted me to perform a maiden piece of my favourite dance form- Kathak- on the prestigious occasion of the closing ceremony of the International Culture and Tradition Exchange Festival that was being hosted in Lucknow. I was to be the sole performer that day and had to portray the sentiments of the host nation. There was a feeling of utter relief and satisfaction after reading the letter. This was it. I had proved it after all. Wait, but there’s another piece of paper inside the envelope. I opened it and read it.
The moment I had gone through it, I was sure that this would be a memento that I would treasure all my life. I had reached the limit of redemption. Ecstatic redemption. I put on some classical music, tied my dupatta up my shoulder and around the waist and started dancing as I had never done before. With each ‘mudra’ I lost my sense of time and space. I travelled back in time when I was still in class 5 and had been in the greenrooms of my school’s annual function awaiting the announcement of my name for my very first solo Kathak performance on stage. I was confident yet nervous. Nevertheless I was all ears to the announcer’s voice. A bubbly and chivalric girl voice of about my age. I was rather impressed at her eloquence. A while later, I heard my name and found myself walking up the stage. For the next ten minutes or so, I completely lost myself in my performance. After the huge success of the performance I had delivered, I went backstage to change. When I was done, a girl of my age but slightly taller than me came to me and said, “Hi. I am Apeksha.” I knew she was the announcer from her voice. “Hi,” I said. She continued, ”You were stupendous today. Congrats!” I thanked her and asked, “Which class are you in? I am in 5B.”
“Oh, I am in class 5- section A. Okay, see you around then.”
We said goodbye and I was about to turn when she said, “Wait, I want to tell you that I really liked your performance, and had I been you, I would never ever stop dancing.”
“Oh, that’s really nice of you, and I must tell you that I am never going to give up dancing, not in this life at least.”
Both of us chuckled and left. To some (maybe most) this may seem to be an image of the childish dreams all of us dream. But to me, that little acquaintance proved to be an eye-opener. That night, sitting in the backseat of the car, as my parents talked and dad drove, I thought about Kathak, my performance, the huge applause and Apeksha. That was a girl I appreciated. That I thought would be the start of a warm amity. Anyway, that night, while leaving behind City Montessori School, Rajendra Nagar, Lucknow, I decided that I would be a Kathak dancer one day.
After that, I worked hard day and night to pursue my passion. By the time I was in class 8, I had many solo performances in my kitty and had won many awards, some at the national level too. I went to Delhi for an international-level competition organised by the Centre for Indian Art Resources and Training. Having won the Best Child Artist Award in the classical dance category there, I went back to Lucknow and told my parents that this was it - that I had been toiling hard for the last three years and was ready to toil as many more years as required, but I would become a professional classical dancer. They were a little apprehensive but eventually gave in. They had to, after all, I was exceptionally dismal on the academic front, or so they thought. 88% in class 8 was not that bad for me. Meanwhile, Apeksha (who always remained in section A of above 90% scorers) was topping the whole batch with a few decimals less than 99%. Besides, she had secured a respectable place in debating, declamations and group discussions nationwide. No wonder she became the youngest Secretary of the CMS Public Speaking Club. My acquaintance with her had been limited. She was the muse of all teachers and students. And I was just another girl with some artistic aspirations. The whole school was sure she would top Lucknow, if not India, in the ICSE exams two years later. As I entered class 9, my parents also pressed me to concentrate more on my studies. I told them that I would not let them down but my career priority would still be classical dance.
Two years later, when the ICSE exam result was declared, Apeksha brought laurels to the school with 98.6% and an all-India third position. I also managed to get a respectable 90% score. My parents were really happy. Then came the occasion of subject selection and counselling for class 11. I had previously made it very clear that I would be opting Humanities wherein I chose Music, Dance (classical), Geography (I liked it) and English. I had to make one more choice. Some of my friends and the counsellor suggested Political Science. Reluctantly I took the subject, although I almost hated it. But the worst part it held for me was yet to come.
The whole school, if not the whole Lucknow (or maybe India), was shocked when Apeksha decided to pursue Humanities. Everyone including me had anticipated that she would choose Science or Commerce. And what I had least anticipated was the fact that she had taken Political Science as a subject of prime priority. And unfortunate or not, we got the same section for English as well as Political Science.
The first lecture in Political Science was rather bad for me. The teacher came into the class and expressed profound wonder at finding me in his class. He remarked, “I’ve heard that you dance quite well but I’m afraid to say those ‘mudras’ won’t help you much in this class.” I knew that this would be the class I would surely love to miss in the coming months. He then moved on to Apeksha and said, “Ah! Here we have the topper of the school. I’m really happy that toppers like her are also keen to join arts subjects and not on becoming a part of the rat-race. But I would like to ask Apeksha why exactly she chose to opt for Humanities.” Yeah, I thought, as though she had not been interviewed enough times on the same topic. She repeated her then-popular answer that she wanted to become an IAS officer and she thought Humanities was the right way for it.
In the next two years, both of us were cordial. She often complimented me on my achievements and I tried to do the same for her. I don’t know why but I was somewhat jealous of her. But still, she was someone you couldn’t help but admire. Not only because of her achievements, but also because of her down-to-earth nature.
One day, in English class, she put up a really brilliant and loquacious debate. I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “I won’t be surprised if Apeksha joins politics in the near future.” Everyone laughed but she retorted back, “Sorry Dia, but I would like to know what’s wrong with joining politics anyways?” And I was at a loss of words. Later that day, she told me that she was actually going to join politics and being an IAS officer was but a part of that dream. I was thoroughly surprised. Whatever, I drowned my insecurities and fears in the waves of classical music and dance steps. Each twirl of my waist, each spiral that my hands traced and each expression that my eyes mastered brought me closer to my God- Kathak.
On the farewell evening also, Apeksha was the favourite among all. She had decided to join Delhi University and continue her dreams. That evening, we just exchanged formalities and I vowed to myself that one day I would thwart her, that one day CMS would be more proud of me than her. That I realised was the commencement of a silent, yet warm enmity.
After class 12, I joined the National Institute of Classical Dance. I worshipped Kathak day and night for three years. In that devotion lay the motive of becoming the greatest Kathak dancer. And therein lay an oblivious motive to beat Apeksha. I had faith in Kathak- my God. I knew it would never let me down. After three years of practice and karma, I was ready to face the world. I made many great performances at various venues for the next two years and had almost forgotten Apeksha. But then I came across her. Almost obliviously. I was to perform at the honour party for the appointment of Lucknow’s new District Commissioner and a reputed IAS officer. And who would it be but Apeksha! My God had ultimately let me down. I was to perform in honour of Apeksha. That evening, after my performance, she spoke at length about her plans for Lucknow and also thanked me. I don’t know why but she was still admirable. Later she personally came to me and congratulated me saying. “Well done Dia, you have done what you had thought. You are the best Kathak dancer today.” Still, I was really not happy.
After the event, the media hovered around. One of the interviewers had asked, “You have been into Kathak for years now and it is often quoted that it is your God. Tell me what exactly is your relationship with your God?” I thought momentarily about the last evening and said, “I don’t want to comment on anything that has been quoted but as of now, I know no God. If God exists, then let Him do His work and let me do mine. No amity, no enmity- my relation with God is as simple as that.”
And years passed on and on. I heard about Apeksha’s escalations on the political front. I assumed a neutral attitude toward her. It’s been two years now that I have stopped performing. I started a dance school to teach Kathak to keep this art form alive among young children. And today, this intimation came from the Culture Minister. I am a little confused now. Redemption is seeping down somewhere in me. No matter now whether I had not been able to win all those people to whom Apeksha was the only one who mattered and no matter I wasn’t the muse of a single person at CMS. All that didn’t matter anymore as I had won Apeksha. Yes, I had won the heart of the muse of all.
I opened the piece of paper and read it again…
Dear Dia,
I am writing this from the bottom of my heart. You are one of the best human beings I ever met. The realization struck not just moments ago but I had been waiting for the right moment. I may sound a bit helpless and hopeless but the fact is that I am thoroughly helpless and hopeless. I know that it’s been two years since you gave your last performance but I still want to request you to accept this invitation and once again grace this nation which you and I have served with full conviction. I would say no more words to elaborate my request but I want to thank you for always bearing the brunt of being the other girl in school. I understand that you have served this nation in no way less than me, and probably, way beyond me. I truly acknowledge your sentiments regarding me and they leave a sense of redemption in me. This is all I think I can say.
Hoping cordiality in our long-lost relation
Your batchmate and friend
Apeksha
I don’t know why but tears are streaming down my cheeks. After some time, I watch the memento disappear in flames. Then I start planning my forthcoming performance.
Are you wondering about our ‘long-lost relation’? Well… no amity, no enmity… my relation with Apeksha is as simple as that…
