(Rick Quah Chee Chan)
Trees were swaying, dry leaves left off their host, scattering around the land beneath on the evening breeze. There sat a man in his early twenties on a long bench, savoring the moment as if he was on the ice mountain under the falling of snowflakes.
He had moved out from his hometown, Taiping in Perak state, to Kuala Lumpur, a bustling big city, nearly three years right after his graduation.
Each day he would be in this park, Taman Tasik Danau Kota, no matter during the day or in the night so long as before time for closing gate at 10pm.
“My little brother, Steve, you have brought joy to our family since you have come into the world,” his sister said passionately as her hands already held his so tightly. “You will come to hug me each time I step in the house after school. Sometimes, you will come to sit quietly beside me when I'm busying with my homework. Even you’re small, but you’re sensible enough not to disturb me at all." She undid a chain of a delicately gold-coloured necklace from her neck and placed it on his palm and continued, "This necklace with a pendant, ‘a natural combination’, is very precious to me and I know you're really good at keeping stuff. Judged from this trait, you won't lose it, will you?"
“This pendant’s in a shape of a big leaf tied with a small bird out front, lovely jubbly," Howard said, grinning.
Cupping the pendant in his hand, his mind didn’t stop to visit that scene back again.
Before his sister left him in the playground, she leaned down, kissed his temple and said, “Mom's coming and I have to attend my lectures, you stay here, don't go anywhere."
He just watched his sister turn away, walk out of the park, vanish into the distance.
He did ask his mom once, "Where should we find my sister?" But there was a dumbfounded answer he didn’t expect to receive from her: his sister would know how to take care of herself, we should not interfere.
His tears till now still would flow down his cheeks when he thought back to his sister, May; his sister had been gone for a couple years ago in a car crash. Her friend, the driver at that day, Priya, sustained severe body injuries. She had all these years helped his sister keep mum about her whereabouts from his family. This tragedy made Priya break her unbreakable rule to reveal the truth which was supposedly to be forever sealed: May was actually Steve’s stepsister, which his own mother didn’t even tell him altogether, and she did receive love less and less in the family till she decided in great anguish to live alone, and of course, May’s younger stepbrother deserved to know the news of his stepsister’s tragic demise.
When he thought to this point each time, he would like to tell his sister in person: I will surely love you more than words I can utter, Sister, I would give you a sense of family bond, a sense that you and I are looking for, togetherness. I’m reluctantly aware that you’re somewhere far away from my reach forever and ever as I would love to have you talking to me, joking with me and lending your ears to my happiness and unhappiness.
He rose to his feet, looking around, and dusted those fallen leaves down with his hands.
He knew that it was not proper to remember the past, but it just couldn’t help as his sister’s love was really meant a lot to him that could not be so easily erased. As a saying goes, if you don’t spend time with someone too much, you won’t have a difficulty in letting go. But for him, it was simply the opposite.
He walked back the path he had come as always and promised so many times as well he would not slow down his progress by too absorbed in this fateful childhood. But in fact, for him, it was said easier than done.
When he was about to exit the park, he sighted one female teenager with her younger brother. They both were gleefully walking in with one hand holding each other’s and a vanilla ice cream cone each in another. Joking, listening, talking, all happened at once, straight from their heart.
Suddenly it dawned on him that though he could not get it anymore from his sister but at least other people, like two siblings in the park, would not miss this wonderful bonding.
He turned back to face the road ahead, looking up to the sky for a moment and stood there motionless.
Moment passed, he tucked his hands each into the pockets, walking towards the side of the traffic signal, waiting for the light to turn green for passing.
Eventually, he was on the other side. He was glad that he had taken the first move to use another route to walk back home, to see new things, to breathe some unfamiliar air.
He started to feel so relieved and believed he would continue doing it and embracing it. Sister, you are always in my heart, love you.
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