I broke certain traditions happening in Indian marriages. Usually, in India, lots of arranged marriages happen where they see how much the boy is earning and how much gold the girl is bringing along with her when getting married. When I broke this tradition, my entire family was heartbroken.
Hi, I am Preethy. I have undertaken a hard path of love marriage. I am so proud of myself that in my marriage, there were no more negotiations of gold, and no one asked about how much the guy was earning. It was love and only love.
When I was young, I heard my mom speak about how the tradition of arranged marriages generally happens where a boy is asked how much he earns, and to the girl’s family, they ask how much they are giving the girl. I find it very wrong. Then why are they educating girls in the first place? They should just get them married. Sometimes I do wonder are we living in the 21st century? I always want to break this tradition.
I remember it was in my final year of college that my parents started talking about marriage. But I am someone who always believed in finding love and getting married. Before that, I badly wanted to work and be financially independent so that I could tell my parents that I have enough money and my parents don’t have to negotiate gold with the boy’s family while I am getting married.
I worked very hard, and I even received employee of the month in the first year of my professional work. I gained a little bit of confidence, and I was finding ways to raise up in my career. I must tell you I was under so much pressure. After all, I wanted to earn money very fast. I also knew the talk of marriage was going to come soon in my family. That’s when I saw this guy who was working in the same company as I was. I assure you, I was not planning to fall in love.
Then love happened; however, I tried suppressing my feelings, but it was not working out. Throughout my life, I always listened to my parents, and I was always a good kid. Good in terms of my parents’ eyes. I was a people pleaser. I became so nice that I even compromised my own happiness for so many things in life just to stay in the good graces of my parents. This one time, which is my life’s biggest decision, I took it into my hands to decide who I wanted to be as my partner. This is the first unbreakable rule I broke in my family.
My family was shattered. They treated me as if I had committed a crime. I thought my family was so nice that they would let me decide who I wanted to be my partner, and I was so wrong about them. That’s when I understood that until I was doing everything that they found good, I was a good kid, but the moment I did something for myself, I became the most unwanted child.
The reality hit me very hard, and it hit me left, right, and center. The only thing that kept me going was my relationship with my partner. My parents made every attempt to stop my relationship, but I became headstrong and decided to be selfish for once in my life. I told them one thing very clearly: I will wait as long as possible for them to accept my relationship, but I am in no way going to end my relationship.
I even resigned from the job where I was working just for my parents’ sake. My parents thought that once I resigned and came back home, I would forget everything. The best thing was my partner, now my husband, has never even a single time said you should not resign, he also said we should wait for my parents’ acceptance. I found courage in his assurance and waited for my parents’ acceptance.
During the waiting period, I understood many things in life. Not even a single time have I thought about myself, and people around me are so habituated to seeing me sacrifice things for others. The moment I decided something for myself, I became a villain in their life. The minute I broke traditions in my family, they all became so angry and hurt. Actually, it should be the other way, right? I had so high hopes that my family would accept my relationship. Throughout my life, I told them that I don’t want to be sold in marriage; rather, I want to get love and happiness in a marriage. I was very clear about my preferences. It seemed to me that my family had never taken me seriously. They thought I was in a fantasy world, building castles. That kind of broke me very much. I realized I was not valued, and all my voice all those years was subdued. To some extent, I even lost confidence and self-worth.
Then one fine day, I understood even parents could be wrong. In my eyes, I always thought parents could never think wrong of me, and they are always right. I was wrong. So, instead of rebelling against them, I just waited patiently for their approval. I also understand that Love marriages, especially for girls’ families, are difficult to accept. So, I gave them time, and in this process, I also gave myself time to accept the situation happening around me.
Then, slowly, the ice was broken, and my family understood that I was serious about the guy. They spoke with the guy and the guy’s family, and all they wanted was just me. Not the gold or any dowry. It all felt so magical to me to even think that I have broken so many unbreakable rules of a marriage. The first thing is, I was the first girl child in my family history to do a love marriage. Mine was the first marriage that happened without any negotiations of how much the boy was earning and how much gold I was bringing. The most important factor is that I discovered a version of myself that I was able to do things in life that no one has done before.
Today, I am even thankful to my parents as well, because if they had accepted my relationship earlier, I wouldn’t have stood up for myself, and I wouldn’t have prioritized myself. This journey of learning has made me understand the importance of self-worth and setting boundaries with people. There is a saying, “Everything that happens is for good,” and I am totally with this.
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