OOPS!

It was a Sunday Afternoon. I was lying on my bed after a heavy lunch. I was scrolling through Instagram. This Instagram is a nosy little application. I don’t understand how my life is going, but this thing suggests reels that match the ongoing events in my life and the thoughts in my mind.
My feed is filled with crush quotes. Some reels would have beautiful quotes to express, while some other reels explain the feeling of having a crush on someone. You guessed it right; I have a huge crush on my classmate Reva. His full name is Revanth, but you know, we don’t always call people by their full name.
In a husky voice: Especially if we have a crush on them.

It’s been a while, I am planning to propose, but I am a bit scared about “what if he rejects me?”
It’s been 2 years today that I got this feeling for him.
Hmm? Maybe I should propose? No, let him propose. What if he judges me?  What if he tells our class and everyone makes fun of me?
Come on, I am a bold girl. Sorry, BOLD WOMAN. I am a bold woman. This shouldn’t be a big deal. I can do this. Yes, I can do this. All I need to do is express my feelings.
As I am an expressive person, it is natural for me. I don’t have to be afraid.
Yes, I will do this today. First, let me send this message to my bestie Reva (Not her full name, obviously. Her full name is Revanshi). This is the person who gets life updates from me, and yeah, vice versa.

Okay, let me type the message.
Message: Hey, I am going to propose to Reva today. I am going to tell him that I love him.
And the message is sent.
Oh, is it an ice-cream van??
Ice cream uncle, wait! Wait!
Ah! This flavour is so good. The Ice cream made my mood lighter. Okay, let me see what she replied. I am sure she would suggest better ideas.

What? I sent the message to Reva and not Revan?
What a stupid I am?  I directly sent this message to him, and oh, he is typing.
How could I be so careless? I should have checked the DP at least.
Reva’s Reply: Hey, what are you saying?

Okay, I think I can say this is just a dare or a prank.
No, I think it’s a sign that I should tell him. Okay, so here we go.

Message: OOPS! I sent that by mistake, but the message knows its recipient after all, I guess, Haha! I wanted to say this to you for so long. I love you. I have a crush on you.
Reva’s Reply: Oh, I am sorry. I didn’t see you like that. I don’t have such feelings for you, but yeah, we can be good friends.

What? He rejected me? What should I do now? What should I do?
Ah, I hate this. I mean, I like one person, and I am not getting him. What’s wrong with me? Maybe he judged me?
No, how will I face him?
I cried, I cried until my nose became red and it got blocked. My entire cheeks were covered with my tears. My throat got stuck, and it was stuffed with the cold.
I couldn’t sleep at night. I was thinking whether he judged me. I was worrying if there was anything wrong with me, and that made him dislike me.

Monday:
I ignored him the entire day. He tried to talk to me, but I made a grumpy face and avoided him.
I mean, how can he? He can’t accept the proposal?
He was a nice guy, and I was nice to him. I thought this would work.
Revanshi is on leave, but I told her everything, and she consoled me on that day over our phone call. She went on a family trip. This week is going to be a boring and lonely week without her.

Tuesday:
I isolated myself. I feared that people might judge me. I felt so lonely without my bestie.
While returning home, on the bus, I saw my favourite senior, Avantika. 
Her long hair, the way she styled her hair, her accessories like the cute butterfly clips, the tear drop earrings, and the sandals, which complemented her outfit. Even if it was a simple Salwar kameez, she looked like an angel.
She is a cool person. She is a teachers’ pet. She is a perfect example of beauty with a brain.
She is so friendly with everyone. She is my role model.

I observed that the seat next to her was empty. Without any second thought, I rushed to the seat and sat next to her.

Hey Sis, how are you?

Avantika: I am doing well. How are you?

(Me thinking)Oh my god, her voice is so sweet.
Yeah, doing okay.

Avantika: What happened? Anything wrong?

(Me Thinking)I tried to hide, but she is my role model, I couldn’t help myself

I…. I proposed to a guy, and he rejected me. I had a crush on him for 2 years.

Avantika: Oh, sorry to hear that, dear.

That’s fine. I am just worried that I am not a better person. I am ugly.

Avantika: Oh, don’t think like that, dear. We have to accept the rejection and move on.

You will say that because no one will reject you.

Avantika: Haha!! You know what? I proposed to a guy, and he rejected me. So, yeah, I have been rejected as well.

Really??? I mean, how can someone reject you? You are so pretty. You are smart.

Avantika: Well, people will have preferences of their own. Beauty is very subjective. It differs from person to person.

Don’t you feel angry with him that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings?

Avantika: Angry?? Not at all. It was his choice. Remember, if we are proposing someone, they have the right to reject as much as the right to accept it.

Didn’t it hurt you?

Avantika: It did, but see, we can just express our feelings. Accepting/rejecting, it’s up to them. It doesn’t define us; it doesn’t define them. It’s just a communication. Letting each other know about their feelings. Some stupid people keep their feelings hidden without expressing them.

You mean to say that getting rejected is far better than hiding our feelings that we have a crush on them.

Amit: Yes, if you love someone or have a crush on someone, just go and tell them and get rejected (in the worst scenario). But if you keep on hiding that, you will regret not expressing it earlier.
Is it okay to get rejected?

Avantika: Of course, it is. You are expressing your emotions and respecting their emotions. We have to just accept and move on. You are not harming them or creating any awkward situation. I mean, some people would create a public proposal to their crush without even talking to them. That would be awkward. I am glad you didn’t do it.

Yeah, but I feel awkward seeing him. What if he makes fun of me?

Avantika: I get it. You can maintain a distance if you want, but you don’t have to be rude just because he rejected your proposal. If he makes fun of you, take a stand for yourself and set the boundaries.

Can I do that? I mean, am I able to do it?

Avantika: Yes, you can. You are a strong woman. You didn’t fear expressing your feelings, and you respected them by not forcing them / manipulating them to accept your feelings.

Thanks.

Avantika: But you need to love and respect yourself more. You have to understand that people have preferences, and as long as you are true to your conscience, you shouldn’t be questioning your self-worth. You have to take it like they have different preferences and you don’t fit theirs.

Thank you, Sis.

Avantika: Okay, my stop came. Remember what I said. All the best, dear.

I moved to the window seat. I was watching the road, the trees where the leaves and small branches were flying due to the wind.
Even though I was sad about my rejection, I was glad that I could have a deep conversation with my favourite senior.

Come to think of it, yes, she was right. I mean, I shouldn’t be so entitled to think that he should accept my proposal. It’s his choice, and I have to respect that. I shouldn’t let this shatter my confidence.
At the end of the day, it’s okay. Everything happened for the best.  
Once Reva came, I had to talk with her about my conversation with Avantika Sis.