CARE

Cusswords are flying like missiles. Moments of silence are being punctuated by strange sounds of utensils hitting hard surfaces. The apartment looks dark from outside. It’s not very far, but smartly guarded by the trees of its small garden. She cannot be sure if the lights are intentionally switched off or if they have fallen victim to the slug fight between the two young dwellers. The midnight moon is shining, streetlamps dripping raindrops, slowly…in no great hurry. The incessant showers have just stopped after four hours. She stares at the apartment one last time. A deep breath leaves her as she steps inside their bedroom from the balcony. Neatly closing the door, she stands for a while; the thuds and bangs seem to die down. She wonders if the combatants are tired now. She is already tired, standing here for quite some time. Old age has taken its toll on Nyra, especially on her knees.

She flops down on the sofa set. The inside seems darker than it was when she had stepped out to the balcony. Slowly the darkness gave way to silhouettes – of the objects around their drawing and dining space. Anik is snoring, quite loudly. A little unusual; he is generally silent in his sleep. Probably he is too tired. Nyra wonders, why? Was it a busy day in his studio? Maybe…

Anik has retired after working for thirty-five years in India Government’s telecommunication ministry. Quite successful in his career, he now has healthy bank accounts and a handsome monthly pension. But he hasn’t stopped there. He has immersed himself into photography. He was always good as an amateur. But now he is gaining reputation. Money is flowing in. Nyra doesn’t have details, but she has seen a message alert in Anik’s phone which indicated credit in US Dollars. When they started dating during college days, Anik had had a Yashica FX-3 and a telephoto lens, probably of a different brand. Nyra closes her eyes and tries to reconstruct their last day of college. The first thing that appears is a whiff of a then popular perfume called ‘Diana’. It was all over the sling bag gifted to her by Anik. There were some silly knickknacks inside. Some seashells they collected together from a beach, the wrapper of the first bar of chocolate they shared, a fountain pen with a broken nib which she had thrown at him during a tiff, and a big white envelope. On the envelope was written in nice calligraphy, ‘Mirrors cannot tell Nyra, how beautiful she is’. Inside she discovered four of her photos, in eight-by-six prints. They were neatly wrapped by layers of translucent paper. Candid snaps of her trademark toothy smile, of her tongue sticking out while licking an ice cream, of her agitated participation in a political parade, of a theatre act in which she played a killer…she was surprised as she never had noticed Anik taking her snaps. She thought he was only interested in shooting birds.

They never fought; from friends to partners for life - the transition was smooth, unlike most Indian middle-class marriages. No fight over caste, no discussions on whether Nyra should work after marriage, no questions on why they would shift to a different home. They both had supportive parents, who believed in the independence of their children. Anik and Nyra in their turn took care of their parents and in-laws when they needed support. However, all four died with a common regret – they never got to see grandchildren. From Medical science to Ayurveda, religious rituals to witchcraft, nothing could get them a child. In their forties, they had also thought of adoption, but backed out later having heard odd stories.

Nyra takes a deep breath. Anik’s snoring has subsided, but the street dogs have started shouting. Most of these fellows get their dinner every day from Nyra’s kitchen. Every day around nine pm, separate bowls are laid out by the side of the main door of their house - ‘Care’. This is a practice that dates back almost thirty years. They have lost count of the generations they saw taking birth, growing up and dying. The love affair with these buddies started four months after they completed the construction of ground floor and moved in. This place was not so thickly populated then. There were more ponds and coconut trees than people. One night, some crooks were trying to break into their house breaching the low boundary walls. Nyra and Anik were fast asleep that night, courtesy their arduous daily commute to the city center for work. The dogs started barking and chased away the thieves. What started as a sign of gratitude soon blossomed into love and care.

The barking is gaining momentum every minute. Nyra thought of checking out, but then decided to retire to bed. She cannot do much at this time, with her failing health. She picked up an Alprax 0.5 from the bedside table. These days, sleep comes at a cost.

****

Autumn is on its way. Today is Bijaya Dashami - the last day of Durga Puja. On this day, Goddess Durga goes back to her abode – mountain Kailash, along with her family. She had to come down to save the Gods from Mahishasura, a shapeshifting demon. The demon after terrorizing the world gets killed by the guile of Goddess Durga. The battle lasted for nine days and on the tenth day or Dashami she slew him. She is thus regarded as ‘Ma’ or mother Durga, the protector of her children on earth. Ma Durga has a complete family, with husband, two daughters and two sons.

Dusk is setting in. From the balcony, Nyra sees married women in red and white sarees lining up in the pandal, a temporary structure. The pandal this time looks like a famous temple of southern India. Here, idols of Durga and her four children were being worshipped in earnest for the last four days. The faces of the idols are getting smeared with vermillion. Once a lady finishes, the fellow revelers are putting vermillion on her face. Nyra loves this ritual; she has not missed this once, since they got married. Anik also used to get crazy with his camera. Some of his best shots have come on this day. He is preparing his camera now. But Nyra is not going today. She has to prepare herself for a battle. Next year won’t be like the past. She has made up her mind. Anik must die.

He again pleaded her to come along. Nyra smiled and gave the same reason, arthritis. Lately, she has been complaining about it more often. He asked whether he should rub Ayurvedic pain relieving oil on her knees. Nyra said that she would rather do it herself. In the past couple of weeks, everything has changed. She has discovered a different Anik, someone she didn’t even see in her worst nightmares. He leaves with his camera; from the pandal he will go to his studio – about a kilometer from here before returning home for dinner. Now Nyra has about four hours to herself.

Anik rarely goes for outdoor shoots. He is mostly into indoor fashion photography. So, it’s natural that he shoots beautiful girls in skimpy outfits at times. He also has two young girls as part time make-up-artists. In the initial stages, he had discussed all these with Nyra, and she didn’t object. In fact, he has shown her some of his risqué portfolios. Since his studio is a small one-room apartment, he does his editing at home. There is a basement room beside the ground floor garage which has a desktop, a laptop and two big monitors. Two months back Nyra took the delivery of a night vision camera, which he had ordered online. She was surprised and asked him the reason. He fumbled and said that he needed it for low light shoots. Nyra is not a camera expert, but from the model mentioned on the package she could make out that it cannot be true. Then he ordered a new high-end desktop which cost almost a fortune. While he was discussing the configuration with a vendor, she heard him mentioning video editing as a critical requirement. Nyra suspected something is going on that she didn’t know of. He was never into videos. Probably for the first time in their relationship, Nyra felt there is a secret she needs to unearth, alone.

At opportune moments, she started peering into his mobile. Within a few days, she discovered a lot. Two messages from the bank showed credits in US Dollars. The mailbox revealed more. He has registered in websites dealing with amateur and voyeur porn. There were picture and video uploads done by him. She noted down the sites and Anik’s usernames in those.

Over the past couple of weeks, she has managed to procure six packs of Alprax through different portals and shops. It’s a prescribed medicine for her. Four months after Anik’s retirement, she also retired as a senior clerk of a private school. Soon, inactivity and loneliness started affecting her mind. She started getting anxious over small and silly things. It turned serious during a leisure trip to a nearby seaside spot. They had chosen weekdays to avoid crowds and it was an off-peak season. In the evening they were taking a stroll in the desolate beach. Suddenly Anik sat down on the ground, complaining of chest pain. He could barely speak. Nyra started crying and felt helpless. Anik gestured her to call the hotel. She tried but there was no signal in either of their mobiles. He then asked her to go towards the hotel and get someone. She thought Anik is going to die and could not move. When he lost consciousness, she held him tightly and sobbed uncontrollably. Some fishermen were returning from the sea and seeing them came to rescue. The hotel arranged an ambulance and Anik was shifted to a nearby nursing home. It was a mild heart attack and he soon recovered. The episode turned Nyra shaky and nervous.

But today she is determined. She has checked out the uploads done by Anik in those creepy sites. They were photos and videos from the change room of his studio. All of them were lewd and repugnant; clearly shot without the knowledge of the girls. Nyra felt sick. The next few days were extremely difficult. She had several self-talks to decide her actions. If she informs the police, there would be a big scandal. Nyra doesn’t have the courage to face that crisis at this age.

Sixty Alprax tablets would be lethal enough for them. She strips them off their packs. As they don’t dissolve properly in water, she puts them in a grinder along with oil and water to prepare a paste. The cream colour of ‘Shahi Paneer’ would disguise this well. The dish is almost ready, and ready to be garnished with the paste and coriander leaves. Her mobile rings. Anik called and asked whether they can celebrate ‘Dashami’ with a few pegs of whiskey post dinner. Nyra affirmed and told him that they would have ‘Roti’ and ‘Shahi Paneer’ for dinner. She is giving away the chicken cooked during the day to the dogs. Anik agreed that they deserve a special festive treat.

Music has started playing in the Pandal. Ma Durga, her family and Mahishasura are being taken away for immersion in the nearby river. While laying out the dinner for the dogs, she checked on google; alcohol after an overdose of Alprax would be more than lethal. She felt sorry for the dogs. Who will care for them from tomorrow?

****