Lehari - The Wave

Nineteen year old Raina stood at the window,numb with shock. One might imagine nineteen was a happy, carefree age, but at the moment, she was devastated. Distraught, heart-broken, traumatized and in shock. Her beloved, larger-than-life father, her personal hero was no more. The rational part of her brain was somewhat relieved, assuaged by the fact that his suffering had finally ceased. The rest of her being however was enveloped in the most profound numbness.

On that particular day, a lunch was to be arranged for relatives and well-wishers who had come to offer condolences. Raina functioned on auto pilot, greeted guests, accepted condolences, thanked her friends who rallied around with their support, made sure her mom was okay;all the things she was supposed to do. Feelings, however, had been shut off for the time being. It was like there was a smokescreen between her thoughts and the churning emotions at the back of her mind.

When the lunch drew to a close and the house emptied out, practicalities surfaced. New ones for a nineteen year old. What was to be done with all the food that was left over? After some discussion, it was decided that they would make a trip over to Udavum Karangal, an orphanage in the vicinity that always appreciated help in the form of provisions and food as they catered to several dozens of rescued infants and children.

Once the food had been accepted with a great deal of gratitude, a lady came over to ask Raina if she wanted to go in and see the children. Still semi-disoriented, she agreed and followed the lady into a small room. The room was awash with cries of tiny infants and gurgles of little toddlers. A sharp pang of sorrow pierced her heart as she thought "Oh God, they have no one." Instantly, intuitively, she sank down to the floor. A whole brood of toddlers rushed to her, clamouring for her attention. Within moments she was juggling two on her lap, a third in the crook of one arm and a few more encompassed in the other with some behind playing with her hair. In that overwhelming moment, she felt a mixture of sadness and guilt that she couldn't quite describe. These children seemed to want so little, a few moments of love, a touch, the warmth of another human being. Things she probably took for granted at that age.

Moments merged into minutes and minutes into hours. As daylight ebbed and a purple sunset painted the horizon, the helpers started putting the little ones to sleep. A few that still clung to her, Raina laid gently on the mats until they fell asleep and let go. As she was about to leave, one little girl caught her attention; sitting alone in the far corner of the room. This little girl hadn’t come running at the sight of visitors or seem interested in all the commotion. Gazing at her curiously Raina noticed that she had the largest, most beseechingly soulful eyes Raina had ever seen. A sob caught in Raina's throat as she watched her from across the room.

Raina crossed the room and sat by her. Other little ones happily came over, but Miss Pretty Eyes was unperturbed. Noticing Raina's efforts to befriend her, one of the caretakers flippantly remarked that she was a stubborn child. Raina didn’t buy that. There was something so enticing in her eyes, something that clutched at Raina's aching heart. After a while, the little one ventured closer, looking long and hard at Raina, almost as if she were sizing up her trustworthiness. Raina put her arm around her tentatively. "Can I hold you?", she asked with her eyes. Miss Pretty Eyes seemed to understand the wordless question, for she moved fluidly into Raina's arms.

Raina sensed the same longing in her that she had sensed with the others. While she cooed baby talk and tried to communicate some semblance of reassurance in that embrace, Raina's eyes brimmed over. Her mind was thinking a million things. How flawed personalities were despite being ensconced in security ever since we entered this world. What would these little ones grow up to be? Would they ever feel whole and complete and come to terms with their early misfortunes? Would this initial trauma and deprivation scar them in some imperceptible way? Her own recent personal grief was eclipsed by the debilitating helplessness she felt for these little humans who had never known real parental love.

"What’s her name?", Raina asked the caretakers, gesturing to Miss Lovely Eyes. Lehari!!! The name seemed to echo in Raina's ears as she called her by it and watched her relax and play. After what seemed like an eternity, little Lehari actually smiled. Heavens!!! What a brilliant smile it was. It was the most important moment of Raina's day as she smiled back into her eyes and their bond was magically sealed.

Raina was told it was time to go, but she begged for a few more minutes. Little Lehari just wouldn’t let go. Wanting with all her heart to take her home, but knowing how utterly impossible that was, Raina whispered heartfelt promises that she would be back to see her again. As Raina attempted to un-clutch her fingers one at a time, Lehari shot her an accusatory glance and broke into deep racking sobs. Raina couldn’t bear it a moment longer and enveloped her in a tight embrace until her tears subsided. Slowly, she inched to a quiet room with a cradle and laid Lehari down, attempting to rock her to sleep. Lehari seemed calm for the time being. She lay down, relaxed and popped her thumb in her mouth, but those bewitching eyes stayed open and fixed on Raina. For almost another hour, they sat there in a locked gaze, oblivious to all around them. Two hurting children, in an otherwordly moment, reconciling their misfortunes.

Finally as little baby eyelids drooped, Raina tiptoed out of the room, determined to come back. Once outside the building, Raina couldn’t resist one last peek through the window. To her surprise and delight and as she left, regret, she met those beautiful eyes again. Raina waved shakily at little Lehari and the little cherubic face burst into one last, especially brilliant smile. An indescribable sense of joy filled Raina's heart in that fleeting moment.

Raina returned in silence to her desolate house, but she held something within her now that resembled a soft light, a glimmer of faith in the goodness of life, even amidst tragedy. Faith, that the ‘Leharis’ of this world would survive, thrive, find happiness and ways to smile. Gone was the smokescreen, the numbness. She could feel again, but strangely, it didn’t seem so bad anymore. She had been reminded, sharply, by the universe that someone was always experiencing worse misfortunes elsewhere.

Raina was overcome with the realisation that Lehari had touched her and made a difference to her life in a way that she could never explain.

Lehari, she mused. A wave. She had left her imprint on the sand before being swept away once more into the vastness of the ocean.