This is My Story

After a tiresome day I was relaxing with a cup of coffee and Jagjit ji's song. Suddenly my sister came in, saying, "Mona please tell me this question of Integration. I have been trying since half an hour but I am not getting it." I noticed she had a Maths NCERT book with the name slip that read my name. It took me no time to recognise my Maths book, a fear ran into my spine and my past flashed in front of me. In order to escape this I said, "I forgot all the Maths. You know how much I scored no? So I can't help you. I'm sorry." She was annoyed, and as soon as she went, I shut my eyes and grasped the coffee mug tightly. The things from which I escape haunt me all the time. I don't know why my past lingers in me? I can't forget that day, it was my Maths teacher whose evil eyes and wrong intentions ruined my life.

He was of my Dad's age. Shame on him! He used to teach me Maths in 9th standard. It all started when I was in 11th standard. Once, in his coaching, I reached five minutes earlier. Waiting outside his house seemed awkward for me. So instead of waiting outside, I went in. As there was no batch. He was sitting there. "Good morning Sir", I wished him and took out my books. I was concentrating on the chapter and he was concentrating on me. I ignored it, thinking that he must be checking what I was solving. So it was ok for me. Next day he intentionally sat in the room when I came in. Like usual I wished him and took out my books to ask him about the problem I couldn't solve yesterday. I turn the book to his side and give him the pen. He observed the pen very carefully and said, "The pen seems so expensive. It's wonderful." Being my introvert attitude, I just gave a smile to show that yes I agree. It was common in our family to be fond of pens; after all, we are 'Kayastha'. While I was thinking this all, it was his words which caught my attention. He said, "You are more beautiful than this pen''. I was shocked to hear this. I thought what's this? He continued, "You are a really beautiful and nice girl. You are amazing. You are very unique." He said this by looking into my eyes and suddenly I tried to ignore this all by trying to concentrate on the question. He then grabbed my hands. I grew frightened. My knees started shivering and that five minutes seemed like five hours to me. The next day I didn't attend the tuition. And he called my dad, " Hello! Bhaiya, Why did Mona not attend the tuition today?" I don't know what else he said to my dad. All I knew is that I was scolded very much. And at the school parents teacher meeting, he complained that I am very poor at maths and asked dad to send me every Sunday. As we have Sunday off so he can give me extra tuition. The next day I was compelled to go. I was afraid and that day what happened broke me into pieces. He tried to hold me in his arms and kiss me. I pleaded with him to leave me but…

On my way home I had a swirling mind. I was so uncomfortable and I was pushing his uncomfortable gestures out of my mind. But I couldn't. And this did not end here. He started giving me less marks and that too intentionally. He complained that I am going very poor in Maths. He said, " She is taking more interest in novels and painting and that's why she doesn't give time to Maths. She will fail in the board exams if the same carelessness continues" Dad could not bear this and he bursted upon me saying, "why are you spoiling my reputation." I was helpless. I couldn't muster up the courage to tell the whole thing. This was the first time I was facing a problem to tell the truth. I was afraid that they would point out my faults. But I know it was never my fault. And in the Periodic test, he gave me 5 marks out of 40 and there was a note written in the test paper answer sheet, that read, "You are amazing. Your sensual voice and velvet lips took my heart away. I like you so much." I was shocked to read this. I wanted to show the note to dad but my tiny heart could not gather courage to tell him everything. I feared that people would blame me. Like they always do.

My heart skipped beats. His attitude haunted me all the time. Sleepless nights, restless days and helpless me was all I had. I started hating him and maths. Those chapters and digits, those problems were like monsters to me. I want to hide myself from the outer world. I still avoid people and society and I don't want to see Maths anymore.