Understanding Love

I shall not be able to cook up a story; basically, I am an honest guy and trust me I am someone, who likes to speak right from the heart. So, let me rather narrate an incident from my life. I enjoy narrating them and hope others enjoy it too. The incident took place recently, but not very recently. Definitely, it was before COVID-19 and but after Modiji’s Notebandi. I have forgotten the exact date.

It was a busy day for me; I was in the hospital since 8 am in the morning. So naturally, in the evening, I was tired and looking for an escape. But my receptionist informed me, that there was someone waiting to meet me. I did not want to see any more patients that day. I was having a terrible migraine. My forehead was throbbing with pain, but did anyone care? I could not tell anyone that I had a bad fight with my wife last night, for no reason. Oh yes, there was a reason. I had forgotten to close the toilet door! But could I tell that? So you see it was me who started and how could I make the excuse that I did not sleep well the previous night. Not only I was sleep-deprived, but I was also feeling terribly hungry. But could I tell anyone that I had skipped lunch, because the hospital superintendent gave me a surprise visit? I was constantly watching my watch for the last 30 minutes and checking my pant pocket to ensure the car key was there. There were no patients since 4 pm, but when finally the clock was at 5 pm and I was preparing to leave, all of sudden someone wanted to meet me! It was so frustrating. Damn it! I decided if it was some medical representative trying to sell his product, I will just throw him out of the window.

I closed my laptop, left my chair, grabbed my bag, turned the door handle, and as I opened it, there I found a tall man obstructing the passage. It occurred, I knew him and I was trying to recall, then I saw a lady behind him and immediately everything was vividly clear. Though she was calm and composed at that time, she was shouting, crying, and being violent just a few days back. This man arguing with me that day was an advocate, someone had informed me later. Obviously, I could not ignore them. So there was no escape, I had to invite them back to my chamber.

You see, a man like me builds up futile plans and God takes delight in disposing of them.

The lady perhaps read my mind and started very politely, “we’re really sorry doc to come at this hour, you must have had a very busy day….the receptionist was telling actually….” trying to apologize on behalf of the receptionist, paused perhaps to observe my reaction. I was quite an actor at hiding my true feelings, so reassured she continued, “It’s all because of my husband, he is always late” blaming her husband. I tried to smile even with my pains and chuckled inside ‘ladies love to blame their husbands for everything.

It was now my turn to be courteous, “no problem at all ma’am, please be comfortable” I showed them the chairs. Inside my smiling face, multiple thoughts were raging making me uncomfortable. Why did they come after all? Did they come to investigate the death of their child? Did they want to drag me to the court?? Did they come to threaten me once again??? But I had no reason to be fearful, because there was not even 1% negligence from our side, and I had documented everything. Still, sometimes thoughts turn negative without any reason. However, they seemed friendlier that day and I sensed no bad vibes.

The man spoke now looking towards his wife, “but Namrta, we wanted to say sorry to the doc for something else; isn’t it?”

She nodded and took a deep breath trying to be composed, “yes Joseph, yes doctor, actually we have come to apologize, I am really sorry for my behavior that day”.

There was nothing suspicious in their body language and gestures. They were trying to make me comfortable. Maybe, I was wrong in judging them as horrible people. I should have understood it was natural, to have that emotional outburst when someone had lost their only child.

“Oh, do not worry, I can understand” I dismissed and this time my smile was genuine.

There was a long silence thereafter. But slowly the atmosphere was getting positive and comfortable.

After few minutes, Namrta spoke, “Thank you so much, Sir, we thought you won’t talk to us in your life again. I feel relaxed now.”

“I feel relaxed too” I replied, “and why did you think like that, in your situation I would have also acted like that.”

Joseph touched my hands “still then, my behavior was very bad, doctor, please forgive me also.”

“Don’t worry anymore. Please tell me if I may help you in anything?”

The man introduced themselves “My name is Joseph and she is my wife Namrta”. Their names were so different that I began to study them to find out if there were even more differences. She, though dusky, was gifted with a cute face with lotus-like eyes and a sharp nose. She had those long hairs, about which poems could be dedicated. In nutshell, she was everything that was beautiful. The man was handsome and muscular like a Greek God. Both were decently dressed, Joseph was in a simple shirt, full pants, and well-polished shoes. Namrta was in an elegant blue saree. Both were calm that day. Oops! I was searching about differences. Yes, there were differences. Joseph was taller, much taller than his wife, fairer, much fairer than his wife, heavy, much heavier than the fragile wife. Their marriage must have been a love marriage. But I was trying to figure out the bases of attraction between the two. It is indeed difficult to understand the chemistry of love. Remember the axiom, opposite attracts!

Joseph was continuing, “I belong to Kerala’s Syrian Catholic community and my wife is a Kulin Bengali Brahmin. You must be wondering how we met.” He smiled looking at me and then to his wife, “Yes sir, we know each other right from our schooldays. Though our parents considered themselves to be progressive, they didn’t find our marriage a good idea. With many hardships and hurdles we won our love but lost all connections from our families”, he paused.

‘Perhaps winning means losing something else.’ I talked to myself.

“We had invested everything in our child, sir” the harsh rough voice changed to a sweet musical one. I watched the beautiful face of Namrta as she spoke, “Nav was born prematurely, I had to leave my job permanently so that there won’t be any shortfall in his care; we did everything that we could, everything doctors suggested since he was born” she sobbed.

“I would say before he was born”, the husband had to take over, “we tried to have the best antenatal care possible, never missed any checkups. Everything was fine up to the 7th month. Then Namrta started having pains and bleeding, and the doctor had to perform an emergency cesarean section.”

The child that died that fateful day suffered from cerebral palsy. Cerebral palsy is a disorder of abnormal brain development leading to various disabilities. That child was about 10 years old, was unable to stand without support, suffering from uncontrolled seizures, did not yet learn to speak, had a defective hearing and his muscles were very rigid making it hard to use them. He used to have multiple admissions to the hospital. The child was known to almost everybody in the pediatric department except me, I had joined this hospital recently. I was promoted and transferred as a professor and head of the department of pediatrics in this new medical college. It was part of the government policy of converting district hospitals into teaching hospitals for the new upcoming medical colleges.

Joseph was continuing, “The baby stayed in the hospital for about 2 months as he was only 28 weeks and around 1kg. When he started gaining weight, we thought everything would be alright now.”

Namrta added thereafter, “but it didn’t happen that way. Nav’s milestones were getting delayed; he didn’t roll over, nor learned to sit even after his first birthday.”

I was listening and imagining how it could feel when your child was not a normal child. Not only that, their child was getting admitted to the hospital multiple times. The whole family suffered physically, emotionally and of course financially. And when they had accepted what happened and probably were getting used to all that, hardly they expected Nav would land up with aspiration pneumonia and status epilepticus, ultimately ending everything!

My pain was nothing in comparison to theirs.

But wasn’t it, what happened, happened for good? Was there any hope for Nav except some miracle? But no one could tell the parents that. Parents are parents after all. They love their children unconditionally. On the other hand, how far we doctors are correct by prolonging the lives of these poor children! Medical science is good in treating acute cases, and best in dealing with emergencies. But does it address the agony of chronic diseases? I wish I could tell my colleagues that.

“I am really sorry about what happened, I can understand fully your sufferings and losses,” I said and was looking at the other side of the room. How could I possibly help them?

“We want to know if our next child will be affected,” Joseph asked.

Joseph continued, “When we married we thought at least our children will not suffer from any genetic diseases as we were from completely different ancestry.”

As we know, India is not a large nation in reality but consists of many islands of endogamous people. There are at least 3000 castes among Hindus, thus 3000 islands of genes. In addition, there are other islands of Muslims, Christians, and Tribal communities. Worse thing, some have such customs of marrying within close blood relations that the term consanguinity is used to describe it. One thing is clear when you marry someone in close genetic relation, your children are at risk of having genetic diseases.

“You are right Joseph, chances of recessive genetic disorders are less when marriage occurs between persons who are genetically distant, but there can be new mutations and these mutations increase as we age.”

The couple looked at each other and sighed, I guessed they realized that they were aging.

“Well, we did not go for a second child earlier, because we were afraid that we would be neglecting Nav.”

“Dear Joseph and Namrta, you did exactly the right thing. You are taking a positive step and wish you all the best. Let me tell you, cerebral palsy is not a genetic disease. Prematurity and low birth weights are the risk factors, though we don’t understand the exact cause, to be honest. But, I am not an expert in genetics. I can refer you to a center where you can undergo some tests and get counseled. We can check for genetic diseases during the early pregnancy also. Still, we can’t be 100% sure, you see, but we should just try in the right direction”

“No, we don’t want to go in the wrong direction”

“Certainly not” I smiled.

They smiled back.

My headache was no more. I was not feeling hungry anymore.