Enough & More

The modest room of Andlib scarcely bared any pomp in its dull walls, dusty floor, distracted papers, a laptop, and a personal journal that was half clenched to the table and the rest hanging like a ropewalker, in the space. Stirring a few steps further beside the upset desk, one could detect two steel tumblers holding grumpy water, with a couple of blemished paintbrushes. While the artwork of this session was, where? Couldn’t catch it. Shybody!?

While Andlib snored her mouth open, the dark curtains breezed the dawn air into her sleepy nostrils. It was spring, so the morning cracked up really early. Some of the sun raided into her chamber, and then to bask her round, fair-brown face, which now revealed its pimples, pink and ripe. While her hair resembled an old wool mesh, loutishly hid a few bumps brooding on the forehead.

The girl budged a bit as if she would just open her myopic eyes and leak out from the blanket. But nah! She did open the eyes but to gawk at the curtains, as if, “how come the light barged in when you are here.” And she lolled her head back on the pillow.

Her siblings were already hopping passim, one helping mom in the kitchen, other two giggling at the phone. No one there dared to wake Andlib up as they feared her screams and chidings she would flung at the offender. She has grown unusually pesky in the last few days. Either, you could see her po-faced, lips pursed or as a grouch, who when spoke, just impatiently squealed.

Anyway, Andlib had roused up and she sat leaning against her bed with the same grim air about her. The cold air of the dawn was almost heating up the ambiance now.

Still rigged in the blanket, sitting with her knees folded up and hands resting on them, she continuously stared at the pale wall across the bed. The look was as blank as it was full, brimming with dejection, and the thought, “It’s morning again, so quick”. She kept the stare for spoonful more minutes as if wanting to decipher some hidden code in the wall for something.

Andlib plucked her black-framed specs from behind the cradle, and finally decided to launch herself into the unlazy domain. With heavy steps, she moseyed to the mirror and stood there gazing at herself for a while. “Gosh! these pimples, and then this oily skin…urghh. Everything sucks. Would ever a day come in my life without these zits and blackheads?”, she murmured.

After the mirror session, she gave her quite-orphan room a once-over with no intention of fixing the mess up. It seemed as if some political leader patrols the flooded area, meets the victims, pays dry consolations, and flees in half an hour.

Then, she straightly dashed to the kitchen to find something to fill the belly after the morning ablutions. Hunger became another reason to fire up her already boiling temper. She rocket-paced with the grub towards her room and cleared off the blanket into a heap for some space. Few morsels and half a coffee mug satiated her tummy and the burbling too finally hushed.

And now, all her ears could collect was the noise of roaring silence in her. While her neurons echoed the deadlines of college assignments, internship projects and the extra tasks lobbied on her by Taalia, who now had become a nightmare for her.

Taalia was a quite-old employee of the company. Coffees and a professional smile melted the cold wall of unfamiliarity between Taalia and Andlib. Being her senior, Taalia soon started farming out additional work in the name of their boss. And bit by bit which kept growing.

This introvert intern girl noticed everything, the hot injustice platter-served to her with a big smile and “ Can you do me a favour? You see, this report is really important, and boss wants it on his desk by tomorrow morning. And I have another project to prepare by the time. So can you please save your friend? And you will be credited for your good work, I promise.”

Andlib, as always just grinned back, “Alright, ma’am, I will”.

Her eyes were beseeching some respite from the continous screen and wanted to droop low, so low that they could caress a beautiful dream. She rejected their plea and kept working on that “really important report”.

Taalia was the only ‘friend’, no, rather ‘acquaintance’ she could make at the office, owing to her introvert nature. Somewhere in her heart, she dribbled sharp drops of fear on her over-sensitive heart that of losing her pal and being alone. This made the word “No” to escape her tongue and fly with hippos.

Andlib pulled an all-nighter, first finished her due college assignment, then wrapped up the office report and finally pulled the blanket heap on her aching eyes, sore head and squashing back. Just as she found herself reposed comfy, she realised the lights were still on.

“Whyy”? she whined as she bunged herself out despite her strained sinews, and somehow managed to make it to the switch board to click it off.

After few yawns and tempering current of thoughts and reflections, Andlib, at last glided into an “undeep” sleep. Awhile, she was busy fixing the blanket and herself, flinging and tossing in the bed.

“Who can sleep peacefully while sleep poachers are lurkin’ around?!” her tongue uttered in half-slumber while her throat seemed intensely parched. So, she had to tow herself out again, and tend to her mistimed, intrusive thirst, which she did and quickly rammed into her sheets again. Just to lay therein aimlessly, not even the stars to count under the hard ceiling.

Her phone too appeared to snooze in peace after the day’s ruckus, which made her envy it affectedly. She picked it up and landed into the texts of Taalia she sent the previous day, which she snubbed in her blues. She went through this with no plan of responding to them at this hour of night.

A notification rang and the device beeped loudly into unwelcomed alertness. Little did she know that the coming moment was to heist the teeny-tiny ounce of sleep she saved in the scoops of her eyelids. It was Taalia, “Hey? You there”?

Andlib scurried to get offline so as not to further the chat and then felt as if she rescued herself from a nasty Windigo, just in those few bits of moments.

She shut the phone and shoved it under the pillow while she raised her unwilling bones into some activity. She, first, turned on the lights, then walked towards her stuffy desk which fairly seemed as battered as her mental health.

After plunging herself on the chair, she kept gazing there, contenmplating her putrid isolation. A simper scattered over his face, which was then followed by a flood of tears and muffled shreik of sense of helplessness. Andlib, was crying.

She wanted to cry, until she could feel it light on her chest. Just, then the pen holder stumbled off and thudded on the floor as if making up for the noise she had saved by weeping hushly.

She promptly launched into action and collected it back to the tabletop, now in a far corner so the both can extend the silence for some more time until she ruminated her agony sitting there.

Lyrics of one of the Taylor Swift’s piece, whuch she had been playing on loop

“Time won’t fly, it’s like am paralyzed by it

I’d like to be my old self again

But am still tryin’ to find it”, too snucked it’s way into the moment. Memory is so capricious, you never know what springs up next.

And this night also seemed to stretch yonder into ages. After few minutes she went back to her phone, and started searching for some inspirational stuff that could bring her mojo back. And she may once again breathe and above all smile bigly.

Just then, she came across a quote from William Gibson (whom she didn’t know actually), which went“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with some assholes.”

And it struck.

Andlib, composed herself a bit, and drilled this further with her over-sensitive mind. Then, abruptly she paced to the kitchen and brewed some coffee- favorite concotion for late-night broke-underpaid-writers cum students. And others.

The first sip seared her lips, even after relatively long moments of patience. So she put it down for some more minutes again to get it cooler and sippable. As the drink touched the lower degrees of temperature, Andlib could also sort her enmeshed, hazy thoughts and feelings, swallowing it.

She glanced out of the window, across the street, even the dogs were napping, but partridges and some other winged insects heaved around the street light. As if it was some celebrity!

Now, mug bore its last drop which too soon was slurped down and she went to her phone, and checked the messages from Taalia. “Andlib, have you finished the report, yet?” it showed.

“Bug”, she spat, then headed on to type, “Yeah, it’s done, ma’am. Will turn in tommorow.”

Then collapsed back into her bed, this time to sleep (after coffee!) until her alarm goes an hour or two from now. “Tommorow would be different. I too deserve peace.” , she uttered to herself while switching off the light once more.

Andlib had it all sorted in her mind what she would do and she sensed the way she’s never felt recently- quite light and empowered. The next morning, in her office, while she was being handed out credits of the “really important report”, like a charity handed out to some abanodoned being, she could feel a lump in her throat. And she stanchly resisted her ever-ready tears, trying to remain in composure.

She darted back to her seat and sent an email to HR stating the instant termination of her internship. No reply to be seen until the coffee-break.

She waited, still engrossed and lost in clacking of the docs like a drudge while she kept her tabs were on for the answer. And it showed up (it had to).

It was what she’d awaited.

Her hard work and conscientiousness came to her, which was nowhere recognised in the busy office as there were many in queue to fill the space.

“The world does not stop, Andlib, it goes on, even when you don’t”. Fill your space now!” She wrapped her belongings and set out with a pledge to keep herself strong and smiling.

On the way, she grabbed a pizza, samosas, a few pastries, and cold drinks. And it was more yum relishing them with her siblings and dad.

Mum, too swallowed a handsome slice of pastry, while she expressed her tongue’s dislike of the tasty junk.

A sigh of relief! Frankly!

This is enough and more !