Everyone's Limbo

I was stuck in a limbo. A dilemma. This isn’t right! A voice in my head told me. But then again, does doing the ‘right’ thing even matter? I mean, a lot of other people are! Doing this is what matters. So long as you get it done, nobody cares! Another voice argues. “But this will effect someone and I think we could still do it without -” I asked aloud, but the voice in my head cut me off. It won’t work that way; you know you won’t win.

I knew it was right. There was no other way. “But--” I tried to argue, but the voice was right. I had to do it. I was desperate and, besides, I was sure the guy will still be fine. With a sigh, I picked the lock to the shop. When I entered, it was like the evil inside me had just taken over. I was confident and just couldn’t care anymore.

I walked to the cabinet in the empty store, my head held high as though I was doing something ethical. It’s legal so there’s no harm in this! The voice reminded me. Yeah, well, the people making those rules don’t know nothing. It doesn’t mean it’s right the other voice in my head said. I shook my head, telling myself that this wouldn’t affect the guy and that it would be good for me. After all, I had to do this. Okay, maybe I should fill you in;

I need some money to start a business. I can’t go to a random bank and I need the business to, well, survive. With the laws today, there was no way I would survive; the government made sure of it and they themselves are certain they are helping the people. So, instead of getting a loan, which is basically a scam, my only option is to either organize a scam or steal from this rich guy down the road. The idiot doesn’t even bother getting proper security and keeps all his stuff here, so it should be easy enough.

The reason I’m feeling guilty is because I don’t actually know what the guy’s like, so stealing from him may not be a good idea and -- Stop thinking and just do it! You know there’s no other way. You need the money by tomorrow! What else can you do? Enter that competition you saw the poster of down the street? The voice said mockingly. But it didn’t know it had just given me a brilliant idea. On my way here, I had seen a poster for a competition, but I was so busy debating with myself I hadn’t even read it!

I dashed out of the house, locked it and headed over to the poster. It was for sculpting contest and I’ve been told I’m really good with clay. Creating fake keys has its advantages. I hurriedly entered the competition and got to work.

No matter how much I sculpted or added, it wasn’t good enough for me. There’s so much on the line here. If I lose, I’m going to die; literally. There were 3 prizes, based on different aspects of sculpting. There was one where the winner built the most exact replica of an item or a well-known work of art. It was the one I had entered.

I sculpted throughout the day and under the streetlamp in the park at night, where the few people I could call my friends watched curiously. “It’s beautiful. What’s it for?” one of them asked.

“Thanks, and that’s a secret.” No matter how much my friends thought and said that my sculpture looked amazing, it wasn’t enough. My sharp eyes made out the part that wasn’t perfectly perfect and my fingers rushed to fix it.

On the day of the competition’s deadline, I could still see bits and pieces that were imperfect. My love for perfectionism probably stems from the fact that when you plan a robbery, it needs to be perfect. Everything needs to go according to plan and if it doesn’t, you need to plan to make it go according to plan. If it doesn’t, well, then you’re dead.

I’ve planned one too many robberies and I was done with it. The stress, the need to be quick, the need to be 110% right. I continued smoothing out a few rough edges on my sculpture as I approached the stadium, my hearting beating. I finally managed to convince my nervous, stubborn hands to hand over the sculpture.

It’s done. It’s submitted. I’ve done everything I can, there’s nothing more to do. I have to win. Taking a deep breath, I went backstage, where they would announce the winners. The prize is all I need to survive. I had bet everything on this competition and I needed to win; I needed to win to make up for my past mistakes.

The judges went through the dozens of sculptures submitted and the voice in my head was back. You’ll never win. Even if there are only a few amazing ones, they’re obviously much better than yours. There are reasons you ended up here; you’re a mistake, kid, and that’s why nothing you do is going to work.

I bit my lip. No, no! There’s nothing left to do now. It’s all up to the judges now. The minutes ticked by, each tormenting me with thoughts of the horrible fate I had now decided was inevitable. There’s no way I’ll ever win. Maybe it was a mistake trying to do the right thi – no, no, it wasn’t a mistake. But if I lose –

I didn’t have time to finish the thought, because the judges chose that very second to announce the winners. Everyone held their breath. I could tell just by looking at everyone that none of them needed to win. It won’t affect them if they lost. If they won, well, their relatives would ask for a partying and it’d be done. Hell, most of them hadn’t even tried hard to perfect it. Their life wasn’t on the line, but mine was. Life hasn’t been fair to you until now. Why would that fact change all of a sudden? The voice asked.

While the voice had been mocking, or rather, telling me the truth, the judges had announced the winner. I blinked and someone pushed me forward. “Hey! What’s your problem?!” I yelled protectively. “Dude. You won. Go” he said, chuckling to himself. “O-oh” I said, still in disbelief.

I went up to collect my prize. This is it. This is when they’ll tell me it was a prank, and my one chance at survival will be snatched away. As usual. I braced myself for the emotional blow, but it never came. The jovial judge handed me the prize and slapped me on the shoulder. This was really happening, wasn’t it?

Once I knew for sure, I raised my fist in victory. Ha! I told you it would work! I told my voice. I could just feel it retreating away, for good, never to bother me again. The voice evaporated into the sunlight and I could start my business freely.