The Uncertainty

Why am I here? Sitting in this damn lonely place and waiting for someone. Ah! I feel myself dripping wet. I see water everywhere. The chill breeze is making me feel lonelier. Yes, I am sitting here in this beach alone, without you, waiting for you, hoping you would come back to me. My life started four years back when I met you here, in this place.

Doctors say I have to undergo a treatment for something that I have not understood till now. My friends say I have to erase my past memories and move on. The world says she got married to another guy and is leading a happy life with him. But I say she is dead, my girl was dead long back. I was the reason for it. I left her in this damn lonely place, which took my girl away from me. Why did I leave her alone that day?

“Mr. Ricky,” I heard a voice.

“Yes, how can I help you?” I got up as I questioned the lady standing in front of me.

She had brown eyes that were glowing in the dark. Her hair was left loose that drifted to the rhythm of the breeze. She wore a black jacket that covered her t-shirt from being visible and a blue jean that tightly fitted her.

“I am Deepti. I was sent here by Dr. Siddhanth. You must be well aware of my visit.” She said.

“Ha-Ha! You say you can get deep into my subconscious and cure me. I can only laugh at this, Ms. Deepti. You don’t understand the truth. She is no more. First listen to me and then start with your treatment. I am ready for it.”

“Sure.” She sounded dull, but I was least bothered about it.

I pulled her towards the shore and started explaining to her about things that had happened six months ago.

“Harini and I last met here in this beach. She was standing in the same place where you are now but I was right beside her, holding her closer to me. We were crazily in love. I miss her eyes that used to mutely converse with me. Hah! I loved the way she smiled at me that day and said how much she loved me and needed me in her life.” I stopped abruptly since there was no response from Deepti. I turned around and found none standing beside. The whole place was empty and serene.

“Deepti … DEEPTI …” I ran around the whole place and found nobody.

What is happening to me? With whom was I talking till now?

“Deepti…” I ran further hoping to find her somewhere. It was the same way I had lost my Harini long back. Was it the wave that had taken Deepti? No, it isn’t. I found her black jacket few steps ahead of me. I slowly bent down on my knees and lifted it. A thought rang somewhere in my mind. It said ‘It is Harini’s jacket and not Deepti’s’. Did I really meet someone called Deepti or is it something that… I was not able to figure it out.

“Oh Damn!” The jacket that I was holding till now is missing. Did I really find a jacket here?

“Harini… Why did you leave me alone in this strange place, I am not able to get myself out of this mess. Love you so much Harini. Take me with you dear.”

I wanted to go to the same place where Harini has gone, she is dead. I am coming to you. What is making me do these things, I am confused. I started running towards the waves.

“AAHH!” I never reached the shore; I was totally exhausted.

Unable to do anything, rather getting out of this place I laid down with my eyes closed.

Memories… Memories still keep you close with me, I feel you Harini ... I feel your love.

“Ricky…” A voice struck my ears.

“RICKY…” The voice is getting louder every second.

Everything around me started to fade engulfing me in mere darkness.

“What happened to you? Don’t scare me like this.” It was David, my roommate.

“Hey! What are you doing here?”

“I am going to kick you. We are together for more than five years.”

“Ah! Where is the beach?”

“Beach? Ricky… Are you kidding me? We are in our room and it is early morning five o’ clock. You were blabbering in your sleep that it woke me.”

“Damn! Dream?”

Though it was just a dream I felt something heavy within. I started to suffocate. I then realized the biggest mistake I have ever committed in my life.

“David, I want to see Harini.” I heaved my bed sheet away.

“What? Are you crazy? It is six months since you broke up with her. You very well know she is getting married next month.”

“I know about my Harini. It was just a misunderstanding, I can fix this.”

“It is too late Ricky. Didn’t she get back to you four months back with the same love? What the hell was running in your mind then?”

“I know I know I know. I was crazy! My anger ruled me. I cannot live without her, David. Please don’t drain my confidence, I need her. I don’t have the heart to see her live with someone else.”

“Huh! You have my support always. Good luck. Convince her man.”

I felt a relief within, I was certain that I would get my Harini back. She was staying in a P.G. I started to her room without more ado. I reached her place and called her number.

“Hello.” The voice tested my patience, the same sweet voice with which I had spent years together. I missed her more with every passing second.

I had countless thoughts flooding my mind. Not knowing how to start, “Harini…” I said.

As expected there was pure stillness for few seconds and she spoke “Ricky? What a surprise.”

Her casual reply dented my confidence a bit. Will someone ever ask such a question to a person whom they were missing for long? I felt she had lost all her feeling for me.

“I am standing in front of your P.G, can you come out?”

“What? Don’t you know what will happen if my warden finds?”

“Yes, I do. I will wait near the street corner.”

“Ok, I will be there in sometime.”

“Thanks a lot!” I was gaining on my confidence just to be broken with her immediate reply, “And Ricky, I just want to remind you once again, I am engaged.”

It was a hard shot on me. I just ignored it as I knew it was my mistake. I felt restless every second that I kept peeking to check if she is coming. After fifteen minutes, I saw her walking out of her P.G. Of all the years I had spent with her she had never looked more beautiful to my eyes than this minute.

“Hey Ricky! What’s the reason behind your sudden visit?”

Ah Man! I felt a complete change in her, she was curious in sending me away.

“The street is getting crowded. Can we just ride to the beach and then talk? I promise I will not take much of your time.” I didn’t find a better way to take her to the beach.

“Sure.” She responded without hesitating.

I got onto my bike and was waiting to have her sit behind me. It reminded me of the days when I journeyed the whole city with her hugging me tight. Hah! As expected she managed to sit on one side.

I took her to the shore, where I first met her. When I looked at her eyes, it was impeccably normal and never carried a pinch of pain. I very well knew her eyes would never fib me. Breaking the silence I chose to speak first, “How are you Harini?” I purposely inserted her name to every line. I am not sure why I did that.

“Ha-Ha! All of a sudden after six months you want to know how I am. I am fine.” She sounded sarcastic.

I seriously didn’t know how to leap from these formal talks to the next level. Like a magic, a dog came running towards us. She hated dogs, more than hate she was scared of them. The dog came near and slightly sniffed her feet.

“Ahhhh, she screamed and hid behind me like a kid. She held my hand tight.” Than shooing away the dog I stood there speechless for having her hand tightened on me after so many months.

I chased the dog away.

“Sorry.” Saying thus she moved away.

“That’s fine with me Harini.” I couldn’t stop my smile.

I saw her eyes again expecting a change and yes it smiled at me this time.

“Harini, Do you remember how we used to sit here and talk for hours?”

Instantly another blow was waiting for me, “Let’s not talk about the past. I think you were clear with your decision when we last met. I consider it final.”

She wouldn’t know how every word from her was tearing me apart. I felt there was no point in dragging this anymore.

“Harini, I cannot imagine a life without you.” She interrupted me, “Ricky, stop it. You don’t know the mental trauma that I have gone through in these months. I am engaged to another guy. You left me alone every time I came back to you.”

“I love you Harini.” My mind was not listening to any of the words she spoke. All I wanted now was her.

“I have made up my mind. This is never going to work out.”

I never got a positive response from her from the time we met. Her eyes were the only consolation to me; I chose to look through them. This time I saw the real pain in it. Yeah! This is it! I got back my confidence. It clearly conveyed how much she needed me.

“Harini… look at me.” Pulling her close to me I continued, “I am sorry for whatever happened. Good or bad, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

She clearly avoided from looking at me. Yes, I felt everything falling in place.

“I am leaving Ricky.” She moved pushing me aside. She started walking away from me.

“Harini… you held me tight with you for so many years just to see it end this way?”

She halted in the same place unable to take a step further. What is running in her mind? I know she loves me the same even now. I am not ready to miss her in my life anymore.

“Look at me Harini. Talk to me.”

Ah! I had the real hard shot now. She gave me a tight slap and hugged me the next moment.

“I hate you Ricky. I hate you the most.” She had tears rolling down her cheeks.

Ha-Ha! Though she said she hated me the most I never expected a better reply to feel her love again.

“No problem dear! Marry me and let me wait till you love me again.” The first sentence I spoke out of contentment after a long time.

“Idiot!” She slapped me again.

For a moment when I recollect my day, Ah! Miracles do happen. A dream has changed my life. Now I realize what is important - Anger or Ego or Love? I chose Love.

Now, it’s your time, your call. Change your life!