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An Autobiography of Jeans

Humour & Comedy
by Hridyapal Bhogal   

Hi to all my wearers (friends) and non-wearers (critics, I would say). Also, a big warm hug to all my non-wearers (as for my wearers, I am always hugged on to their legs).

I am 'Jeans' the ultimate Saviour of a man's (or a woman's) legs (Over 80% of the world's population has sought my help, atleast once in their lifetime). I don't really remember the names of my parents (Read: Inventors) or when I was born, but there is a long persisting belief that I was born several decades back. Well, past is past now, let's talk about the present.

My whole body is really flexible, and I normally compare myself to water. Like water, always takes the shape of the container in which it falls, similarly I take the shape of a man's/woman's lower half. My head takes up the shape and size of a man's/woman's butt and the rest of the body flows in sync with their thighs and legs. Just like humans, we too have undergone evolution since the past several decades. Though, I would like to take it more as a disease (Read: Fashion), which has not only stunted our height (Read: Length) but have also decreased it drastically. Man says, his height is governed by his "genes", but he never said who governs the height of "jeans". I would solely credit everything to the disease which has severely plagued humans and now we are becoming its soft targets. This disease has not only decreased our height but has also made us susceptible to some weathers.

Few decades back, we were pretty healthy and used to protect humans in all weathers - winters and summers, alike. But when this disease struck, our heights decreased (Shorts came into use), we became susceptible to winters and were, hence, abandoned by humans. We, due to our physical weakness, were now able to serve humans only in summers.

These are only a couple of weaknesses, this disease has inflicted upon us, many a blows. A decent part of our population did develop some immunity to this deadly disease. But the disease struck back with a modified strain (Read: A new fashion trend) and affected this population also. In this deadly strain, our height was not decreased but deep cuts were made on our whole body (Read: Ripped-off Jeans), which gave an impression of a "domestically abused" pair of jeans. This part of our population, soon became a "butt of jokes" (even this area was affected) as the population who had lost their heights but still retained a healthier look, made a good fun of them. They even said that they (ripped-off jeans) looked, as if they had been severely raped and tortured by an assailant. Thus, seeds of conflict were sown by this disease in our, once united, world.

But there were some friendlier & healthier strains of this disease as well. In one such strain, our heights (length) were deliberately increased by humans which made us taller (longer) than their legs. This taught us a valuable lesson as it not only showed, but also made us experience the tough terrains traveled by humans and our sympathy grew (not so surprisingly) towards a man/woman's slippers/shoes, as what he suffered, right since his birth, we too shared his burden for that very period (Era of fashion).

Another strain (probably the best of all) of this disease made us look like a canvas, complete with different hues of colors thrown on it (Read: Tattooed jeans). Though, this disease struck women's first, but then its strains spread to man as well. Our cheeks (Human's thighs) were beautified with tattoos and paintings. This truly was a golden period for our population as we all felt unique in our own ways (different designs & prints).

Now, I will talk about some of the hardships we have faced over the years and still continue to face. The strain of the disease which decreased our height, made us an unlikely target of unfriendly and unhealthy glares by other humans (especially Males). This strain affected women and hence, they too felt uneasy with unwanted glares by their fellow human beings. We used to feel angry on one side and amazed on the other, to see such things and feel such humiliation on the part of our Masters (owners/wearers).

I am, by nature, very shy and generally do not open my mouth (Read: Zipper) when in public. But in one incident, during a fashion show in India, an erstwhile Indian film actress forcefully, in front of a huge audience, opened my mouth when I was protecting her husband (also an Indian film actor). I felt extremely humiliated. A huge furore was made in the media back then, but nobody cared about me, nobody thought what I went through that moment.

There is one latest strain of the disease which is affecting us nowadays. Though this strain is not affecting us physically, but mentally. Our owners seem to have grown a disliking towards us and our disowning us (Read: Low-waist jeans). They don't even care about themselves and their safety, while doing so. They are exposing one of their most delicate parts (you know which one) to the extremes of this world. This strain has really affected our morales and our feelings of belongingness to humans. It won't be unusual or surprising if another strain (trend) of this disease (fashion) totally wipes out our presence on the planet...that would be "Our Doomsday".

There is one set of human population which are totally against our very presence, forget using us. I am talking about the Muslim population of this world. Also, recently we were included in the banned list of wardrobes to be used which visiting a Hindu temple in India (Tirupati Temple). I fail to understand such injustice. Human say that creativity and innovation are God-gifted, then why banish God's own gifts in his own den. They fail to understand that they themselves are created by God, then why they are not banishing themselves from entering temples, mosques, gurudwaras, etc. Also, if they can carry gifts (which are not God-gifted) like dishonesty, greed, hatred, anger, etc with themselves while entering such places, then why not allow us to enter.....

I wonder and wonder..............

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Copyright Hridyapal Bhogal