Forever Only Yours

Its been twenty years now , and still it feels like the heart is bleeding remembering RK had just been a part of life for Suzzane, for last twenty years. Life was moving business expanded, children growing, all was in motion, Except Suzzane's thoughts she was still there 20 years back on the roads of Bangalore, numb, cold, with tears rolling down her cheeks, and the temperature made it worse. She had called RK after a week of Silence. Something went wrong but she dint know what. He had picked up the call as it was an unknown number, Suzzane’s heart skipped a beat hearing his voice after 7 days, and these days were not easy for her, Patience was never her forte but today holding on for a week she had become a patient, crazy, with fears and phobia. She asked “Can i speak to RK, and a known voice replied yes speaking. The same voice which always melted her heart , and she used to forget everything in this world with this voice. She just asked why are you not picking up my call Jaan , and RK replied please hold on.

And today after twenty years Suzzane is still waiting for RK to reply to her question. 20years were not easy for Suzzane. A broken marriage , with three kids was all her asset , For her what mattered in these years of separation from Charles was facing that Charles had moved on , forever with her own best friend Riya, when they eloped angel was just two years and Jacob and Joseph were 6years old . Angel never knew why her mom always collapsed; But Jacob among the three would always be there for his mom.

Everything had shattered into pieces which she thought she could never gather. More often she was hospitalized all by herself , With her thoughts she would get headaches which were uncontrollable . She just knew that she had to bounce back for her children of course life would not be the same as before , enjoying the beauty of God’s gift , A true believer in god , Suzanne would question every day to almighty that why she was chosen for this out of all in the world .

Days passed and Suzanne was back to work and its pressures, deadlines of projects, Clients in India and overseas. All took much of her time . In these years Suzanne had shelled herself . Only to her work, kids, parents , few friends and above all GOD .

It was an early Monday morning and Suzanne had to report to her new manager in America RK , she dint have much time for this meeting. There was a formal introduction of RK by her director on the conference call, the call ended on a good note and Suzanne was back to work with her team, Next morning 9am when Suzanne checked her unread mails, She was furious and shocked , and it was RKs mail which fumed the lady . He wanted the whole world at the tip of his fingers, All reports, updates , clients feedback , Pending projects, closing projects and upcoming projects, Suzanne went mad , She as usual immediately wanted to reply in the most sarcastic way but she held back her breath and fingers running to the keyboard .

Suzanne with RK became a daily affair now, mails up and down, phone calls and conference calls made it all . Things became easy after RK had come and work was streamlined . Suzanne could define RK now , And she started falling in the valley of his deep voice , She would be thinking about RK quite often , When ever RK would be busy and would not respond she would become restless, impatient.

She was a self-made women and thought of bringing up her children all by herself .Suzanne was Beauty with brains and many would fall for her, she would always outstand among hundreds due to her personality. Men had their own ways of approaching her , Tall fair with a Diana cut and western formals Suzanne made every man feel for her.

Suzanne could never feel for a man after Charles had left , it took her years to come off her emotional trauma , and she often felt RK was the reason . In these years she never felt the touch of any man and for her it was difficult to hold up her urge. But she had found so many options to divert her focus reading books, dancing classes, picnic and shopping with friends ,kids and being with GOD would help her in times of crises.

Rk was the reason for all the happiness in her life, she bounced back in life she started living for her own self, RK had never seen her but every day when she opened her cupboard she would guess what would be his taste and dress up for him, She made food and felt if ever RK could taste it , For her RK was her world , Her eyes were longing to see her love .

Suzanne had just finished packing her bags, with the best of her clothes , the check list had basic necessities of her travel, She was very exited after a span of two years she would be seeing her love for the first time ,she was already in heaven and was dying to fly high. She was getting cramps in her belly as meeting RK meant expressing her feelings and she went to her shell as she knew her face would say it all. Her emotions were mixed with excitement and fear.

Dubai would sketch her destiny, she checked in her hotel room it was one of the best hotels , the view from her window was breathtaking . She ordered for a cup of coffee , changed into her comfort and rolled onto to the bed , She was in RKs arms , on his chest hearing his heartbeat , His hair were naughty on her cheeks, but all she could here in the silence was thumping of her heartbeat . What next and the phone rang in the room. It was from her boss to welcome her. And Suzanne had to come out of her thoughts. She always felt was it her physical need that she felt for RK or was it love , that happened twice she was not sure .

Suzanne was heading for the meeting , and she felt she was numb for the first time in life she trembled for a business meet, her heart was thumping , she was frozen and her heart melted , there was a formal round of introduction and it was RKs name announced , with his academics, , accolades. in this five minitues , Suzanne could not take off her eyes from RK , Tall and Handsome. a little plastic smile were all that he could display.

The meeting went on, they all dispersed at 6pm just to refresh and from there on meet for the Gala Dinner. Suzanne went up to RK and wished him, for the first time she was holding Rks hand her crush for two years was just so close to her, She said before dinner may I have the pleasure of having coffee with you? he grabbed the offer and soon they both were in Paradise , an amazing coffee shop on the terrace.

Suzanne was blushing in a Red Evening wear, she was going to steal the show at dinner, with little make-up and an Yardley perfume she was about to meet her love. The place turned out to be more than her expectations with a pool, the winds were making the atmosphere chill, but Suzanne was on fire. Soon they both got into a conversation . Suzanne would always be cautious with men. As no one in office knew about Charles. She always tend to keep it secret to avoid complications. Time flew and they were shocked to see the watch clicking 10pm, Both were embarrassed to move on to the dinner venue, But it was a must as they walked in together the eyes were glued on both of them, and like any other mob there were whispers which Suzanne could mark . She just remembered an old saying " Liya diya kuch nahi, glass toda bara ana"

It was difficult to handle her emotions, she was melting within , She could feel RK all over her in her mind , body and soul. Today she had met RK and loved him more for being a gentleman, she met a man who made no move to woo her, It was just a warm talk . She felt proud of him. She picked up her diary and wrote .

I felt more satisfied and at peace with myself than I had in a long time…..I needed to learn to open my heart and give love without requiring anything in return. I say this so many times but still I expect so many things and I know I may never get them but I am happy and content with what I have , For what you have given me would not be mine till you respected my feelings . These little smiles , little teasing and then feeling , and that silence and the laughter are all my delight that is what I long for,

For Suzanne Coffee with Rk was an heavenly experience , It was special close to her heart , was like one of the vow moments in her life. Like first love, first rain, holding her twin babies in hand , all was special and so was RK.

She was back in Bangalore , and once again with her routines . Now a day’s every moment was a war whether she should express her feelings to RK or love him this way all her life. For her to hold back was like pausing life. She dint know what to do she feared of losing him. One day all of a sudden she called jojo to meet her , Jojo her friend for 22 years now was worried. Is it one of those weak moments when Suzanne would collapse and she confirmed to meet that evening. As both had to push back home for kids is was a short and sweet meeting. When Suzanne expressed her thoughts, jojo just told Suzanne that life has given her a second chance to live , do what your heart says. Next three days RK was travelling and she knew this was the time she could vent out her feelings. She spoke to RK when are you free I need to speak and he said speak ,she said not now may be when you finish your work, And he jokingly asked why you want to speak something romantic . Suzanne was shocked and frozen she dint know what to say next .

It was almost 8pm and Suzanne was all alone at home, she was enjoying being with herself. She dialed RKs no’s , and his charming voice answered the call . She spoke things here and there and came to the point . She told RK that things were not normal with her and that she liked him a lot she dint know how he would take it , but she clarified that RK had brought a lot of changes in her life and was a reason for her happiness. RK was shocked and said are you fine , and do you know what you are speaking? Suzanne confirmed to him that it was not in her hands and she loved him for two long years but never had the guts to say it , RK respected her feelings and they went on speaking to each other , When Suzanne was on the verge of keeping the phone as she was lying on the bed . RK smilingly said ok say now what you want to say, and she said I like you , and he said only like that’s it , and she said I love you RK and you won’t understand how difficult it is . And RK said had he been there very close to her , He would tell her how he felt. He would hold her close to her heart and kiss her. They kept the phone down on a very beautiful note, Suzanne was happy and thanked GOD for this precious moment. And in her dreams she was with RK once again in his arms. These three days were beautiful Rk gave Suzanne the best of his time. She Felt in heaven and enjoyed with him . RK was about to leave back home . As the meeting was important his directors accompanied him. Suzanne was dying to talk to him and RK dint have time, Rk called Suzanne and spoke to her , he told her that this is not going to work and they need to stop here only , her heart sank and she went numb tears were flowing, her face was red , Her voice choked and she text him , Please don’t do this to me , I expect nothing from you , Please…… And he replied I am sorry , god bless you and take care , We have different paths to move on……,

The monitor in the hospital where Suzanne lied on the bed almost dead , she was sinking very close to death , her kids and their families all were there , she was breathing her last but she was waiting for someone , Yes it was RK , she could not die without seeing him , talking to him. All these years when every person knew how strong Suzanne was , deep down in her heart she knew how she felt when RK dint even bother to call her and let her know why they had to separate like this , She was in pain as what had gone wrong . And she prayed everyday for him and his dear ones . Rk would not let anything go wrong and his family, they were his heartbeats.

Jojo entered in the room and wanted to speak to Suzanne alone . Suzanne was happy glowing like a newlywed bride she knew Jojo knew her last wish before dying for all these years , It was to meet RK , hold his hand , feel his warmth . A consoling hand touching her , She wanted to embrace him for the last time . And ask him once, may be for the last time , Jana Why did you do this to me ??? Her eyes were longing , open and wide waiting for the door to Open .