Love, Life...Today

Life is such strange one that it makes meet unexpected people at unexpected places; I have to catch the connecting Emirates flight from Dubai to Chennai within another fifteen minutes by running nearly the one kilometer posh corridors and cross the stringent security checks of Dubai Airport. Undoubtedly, it was a cliff hanger situation as my flight from Kuwait arrived fifteen minutes delayed to Dubai. By the time, I reached the Gate 122 I am delayed by 20 minutes, but to my surprise the purser with a smiling face takes my boarding pass and wishes me ‘Happy Journey. The flight is slightly delayed Sir. ’ and lets me in.

When I witness the fairly huge crowd waiting in the next hall for boarding, she comes to my view. We almost are standing face to face with each other.

She is Anupama…..

Fifteen years of ‘flash back’ comes to my mind as in movies...yes; you might have guessed it by now. My lover! How many movies you would have seen such a scenario and read stories with same situation! But, my love story was slightly different. Don’t get worked up with this clichéd dialogue!

It is true. You will understand it as I go with the narration.

When you are in college, young and energetic, with least responsibilities, most of the guys fall in the mystic net of love! I was no exception, you see. Be it hormone influence or the literary or movie influence, most of the men fell in love. They fall in love at the slightest provocation of a look, a word or even without seeing each other through emails and Face book, off late.

My case was not like these.

I and Anupama studied in the same college, in the same branch and in the same class. But, she was class first, I was not. Middle level. ‘Love is after all, blind,’ isn’t it? So marks did not come in our path of love.

At the same time don’t think that we liked the same poetry, prose or movie. We shared certain things in common and also differed in many. However, beyond all these, we were attracted to each other. After education, we both placed in the same software company. Then why our love had not culminated into marriage, is that your question?

We got married. We were happy for some time.

Then you must be wondering why I referred Anupama as my ‘lover’ a few paragraphs before. Am I confusing you? Sorry.

How to refer someone who had moved from the status of ‘wife’? Before she became my wife, she was my lover, right? I don’t want to refer her as ‘former lover’, so I said just ‘lover’!

Wondering how our ‘love marriage’ broke?

When one gets married and starting life as husband and wife, just ‘love’ is not enough. One should be ready for several ‘compromises’.

I mentioned Anupama was a First Rank student. Even in the professional ladder she started climbing faster much to my chagrin. The pride I had when the first rank girl as my lover vanished when it came to positions in the office. When she attained a higher post than me, I felt jealous, not proud. I think it is the genetic problem with Indian men.

IT field is a complex one; there the rise and fall are like playing ‘Snakes and Ladders’. When Anupama was quickly and smartly ascending the success ladder, I was pulled down by the snakes. I was standing on the ground watching her going up. This created a gap not only in professional life, but in personal life too. When it came to the question ‘is it the incompetent husband or enterprising career’, Anupama preferred to chose the second. This manifested in her conversations and activities. The caustic comments, indifference, jeering and open insults hurt me terribly.

So instead of making it public and go for counseling and all that, we decided to part ways in decent manner.

First, I left my job and moved to Bangalore. From there, my journey kept changing tracks. I too did not care to enquire about Anupama, like where she went and what she is. In the fifteen years we have never crossed each other at any place.

World is big after all!

But, on this second, it becomes small and we are facing each other.

The shock and surprise lasted for a few seconds and we compose ourselves.

‘Hello’, I greet.

‘Hi...how are you? What a surprise?’ says Anupama.

‘Same for me’

‘Are you going to Chennai? Where are you coming from?’ questions Anupama.

‘I believe all these passengers are waiting to board the flight to Chennai only. Me too...from Kuwait’ I add.

‘I’m returning from Paris’ says Anupama.

‘Oh!’

‘Are you in Kuwait now?’

‘No. I went for a week to support a client’ I reply.

‘I too… on a business trip only. I was in Paris nearly for a month.’

‘I see...are you with the same company?’

Anupama laughs.

‘You know I am not that simple. No. I am having my own firm. ‘

I expected this. So I say ‘Great. Congratulations.’

‘Thanks’ replies Anupama but she never asks me where I work. That is her character. Not to enter into other’s personal space. But, she throws a question next which I least expected.

‘Are you married?’

Open question, as if hitting on the face. I stare for a minute, quite not her character. But, I manage to reply,’ Yes, of course’

‘Oh...good. Are you in Chennai?’

‘Yes....’ I reply. I want to ask her the same question but somehow I control myself purposely. But, for my unasked question, Anupama herself gives the reply.

‘I too got married. But...pst...it didn’t work out. But, now I have a son’, when she speaks, her mobile chimes.

‘Excuse me..’ she looks at the screen of the mobile and she looks at me and says ‘My son’ and she puts the phone in her ear and speaks. ‘Hi Kiran, I think my flight is delayed. I think it will reach Chennai by nine in the morning only. By the time, I complete immigration and all and come out it would be ten. You don’t need to come. Send the driver. Ok...take care, bye, Kiran’ she finishes her conversation and looks at me who is slightly surprised and then smiles.

‘What Kiran? Are you surprised to see me calling my son with your name? Isn’t it? One should always remember good friends in life. You are Ravi Kiran; he is Uday Kiran. His father used to call him ‘Uday’. But, I call him ‘Kiran.’ He is in eighth standard. Smart boy’ she says with a smile.

I reconcile to the situation by that time and add with a smile; ‘He is your son...no wonder he is smart’

‘Any sarcasm?’ retorts Anupama with a smile.

‘No. I mean it’ I too give my reply with a smile. But, continues and say ‘I have not kept your name for my daughter.’

‘So what ...it is ok.’ Anupama replies and after a few seconds asks ‘I hope you are happy with your wife’ as if something came in her mind as an afterthought.

I calmly reply ‘Yes. I am.’

A few seconds silence prevails. In fact, I am at a loss to proceed with the conversation.

Anupama speaks again. ‘Women who are individualistic like me are unfit for married life Kiran.’

I shakes my shoulders indifferently.

‘Perhaps. No comments.’

‘You talk diplomatically. Good. But, I want an honest answer from you.’ Anupama looks into my face and eyes sharply.

‘Yes. Shoot.’

‘Are you happy?’

‘What question is this? Yes. I am happy. Are you not?’

‘Yes. I am not.’ Replies Anupama. When she said this I feel as if a pall of gloom fall on her face. May be it is my wishful thinking.

‘But, why?’ I ask softly.

‘You come home. Where do you live? I live in Velachery. This is my card. You give your card or phone number. I will call you. I want to talk to you.’ She speaks rapidly. ‘You give your address. I want to come meet your family. Are you scared?’

‘No. No. I have no fears. I am shifting my house to Siruseri. Shortly, I will be moving. This is my mobile number, you call me.’ I say the ten digit number which she stores in her mobile. By that time, the call for Business Class travelers comes. She moves saying ‘ Bye. Will call you.’

Fifteen years have not changed Anupama in her appearance or character. Even in talking she remains the same. Why? I too have not changed. That is the reason why we could identify each other so quickly.

I know it will take some more time for me to board. Because, I am Economy Class passenger. I see Anupama entering the aerobridge to board the flight.

I go into the Gent’s Toilet. Like all other places, toilets also are tidy and shining in Dubai. After going inside, I tear the card Anupama gave into small pieces and dump in the dust bin there.

She cannot reach me because the ten digit phone number I have given to her had two digits wrong which is intentional. Things which I haven’t told her were that ‘I am not married, and I work in a Social Welfare Organization in Pondicherry and I travelled to Kuwait related to their fund raising activity.’

It is, indeed, difficult to renew certain relationships after complete break. It is like sending the toothpaste into the tube after pressing it outside.

I don’t know whether the information on my ‘marriage’ and ‘happy family’ will give Anupama happiness or jealousy. There is no point for me similarly to worry or feel happy about it.

In the present day fast moving society, certain relationships have no meaning. That is the bitter truth.