ROSHNE - A RAY OF LIGHT

This is a story of a girl named Roshne from Dhanbad. She completed her schooling from Mount Carmel School, Dhanbad. She does total justice to her name as she was ray of light and hope for people around her. She could counsel people well with her positivity and so she was always satisfied with the good in her. She always take in life as it comes. As we know that failure is also pleasant when loved one are around and success is also painful in their absence. The same holds good for her.

After her schooling she came to Kolkata for further studies. This was one of the saddest part as her family, school and friends were her life, her strength, her support system. She felt like as she was living in her own dreamland and now a storm came and took everything away from her. All of a sudden she is exposed to learn and experience larger perspective of life and that too without her dear ones around her. She just had to move on in the direction where a new life was waiting for her hardly knowing that this will change her forever.

She wanted to take up psychology honors but she got to know that there isn’t much scope in that field so opted for both CA and CS. She wanted to keep herself too busy so that she does not get time to miss her hometown. Now she was getting accustomed to her new life in different city, unknown environment, with new group of friends. Although she gelled up well with everything but it took a lot of changes on her side to do so. Gradually, she became an extrovert girl with friendly nature and started partying often to match up with the current trends of her surrounding. She was travelling on a wrong track as she got diverted from the main reason for which she came to Kolkata. She was not only spoiling her career but also imitating a person which she was not. She never wanted to be two faced person but unintentionally she was becoming one.

She was successful in clearing her CS foundation and CPT exams in first attempt. So she started taking her studies casually. Although she was happy outside but somewhere inside in her solitude she was lonely, depressed, upset. She mastered the art of smiling and pretending to be happy even when she was crying inside. She got habituated to that pretention and she actually started feeling happy the way her life was taking her. But this could not last long. After her second year, her IPCC and Executive result came out. She just managed to clear 1st group of CS Executive. Her results came like a harsh blow on her. She was even unable to cry and express her grief. The terrible point isn’t when she was crying inside while bearing the pain but its now when she cant even express her agony as it doesn’t suit her present repo in front of her friends.

At times we need a bit of shock to bring us back on track. Her negative result was a blessing in disguise. She started concentrating more on her studies. Although she continued to be the way she was developing but still she became bit more responsible and sincere. She wasn’t totally engrossed in her studies but managed to devote reasonable time for studies too, though her priority remained to keep up with her present life. This effort dint go all in vain. In her next attempt she cleared her CS Executive and 1st group of IPCC.

Her friends wanted to celebrate her success. They arranged for night out which led Roshne to smoke and take fruit champagne for the first time. She was on the track of losing herself forever but her past goodness saved her. She joined a CA Firm for her articleship and then her life again took a positive turn.

Its first week of September 2011. The time when Roshne joined her article ship. It was a big CA and CS firm. She was trying to set herself in the new environment. First day passed quickly grasping all the unknown places, unfamiliar faces and new work. Second day as she reached office she was standing downstairs waiting for the elevator. It was the first time when she saw him. A fair gentlemen wearing a full sleeve white shirt. She hardly noticed him at once. As they went inside the elevator, he was gazing straight at her. Though she dint reacted at all or moved even by an inch, his eyes occupied her mind with so many questions about him. The elevator stopped at second floor. They both stepped out of the elevator and went to their respective offices. But as soon as she got occupied in her work, his thoughts wiped away from her mind.

Few days passed by casually with lot of work pressure. This gave Roshne very less time to be with her friends. Indeed it was really good for her as she got the opportunity to be away from bad company. (Always choose your friends wisely as later on they become your introduction). It was 9th October 2011. Office was over for the day and she was about to leave. As she was waiting for the elevator, just then he passed by her. He gave her a curious look with a big smile and ran through the stairs. It made her bit crazy, the way he stared at her, his smile, the way he hurried to the stairs. Elevator came and she too reached downstairs right after him. He was just few steps ahead of her. Finally both of them reached metro station at the same time.

As soon as they reached near platform, he approached her. She was totally blank not getting even a single word to speak. Initially he was also bit nervous but as soon as they exchanged few words, they became quite comfortable with each other. After that she took leave for studies but they remained in contact. After finishing with her exams, they decided to spend a day together. They shared their journey of life till date. Sameer told her that he is a MBA, working as a finance manager. He dint tell anything about his family. She dint mind that much. After Sameer heard her striving in a wrong direction he slowly started guiding her towards the right path. He became her friend, philosopher and guide. They soon became best of friends. With him in her life, she started being herself once again. The same old Roshne who is happy wid her dear ones and not imitating to get accepted in her surrounding.

She was really happy to be her real self again. She has missed herself so much from long and credit goes to Sameer. They became each others support. Her performance at work improved. She happily gave her CS Executive 2nd group. They were having a great time together. She went to meet her family and friends. She has gone to her hometown so many times before but every time her family and friends got to meet different version of Roshne which was unknown to them. It always remained a matter of concern for them. But this time it was not the same. They finally got to see the same old her. They were really happy to see her back.

The time went by smoothly. She cleared her CS Executive but flunked in her IPCC 2nd group. She was really feeling like hell. She did her best to succeed. But the end result is failure, disappointment and frustration. Of course failure is like experiencing hell on earth. It drives away the life force. It was making her feel useless, miserable and lonely. She started loosing her self confidence. Everyone talking about taking failure in stride were talking nonsense. Failure was hurting her to hell.

She went to meet Sameer. He comforted her and was there for her. After she stabilized a bit, he explained her the reason for her failure. It was because of her wrong choice of career. She was never meant to be a CA. Instead he told her that she was born to be a writer. He showed her the texts, the poems which she wrote to dedicate it to him. He advised her to work on her writing skill instead. She was in a big dilemma. After coming so far, it was really difficult to go back.

With Sameer at her side, she can do wonders so she dint give up. She put her heart and soul in her studies. Life became too hectic. With studies and office, she dint get much time for him. She always did her best to be with him for more time. He never used to mind that and things were at its best. In next attempt, she cleared her IPCC with flying colors. In the meantime they came very close to each other. She cleared her CS Professional exams in first attempt and preparing for her CA Final. Once again she was in her small world, secured and protected. Life once again became bed of roses for her. Little did she know that roses are always accompanied with thorns.

Roshne and Sameer were celebrating her success as finally she became CS. She was on cloud 9. She wrote a lovely poem for Sameer expressing her love for him and wished for positive reply from his side too. But in response she got to know that Sameer was engaged. The time when she was busy preparing for her CS Professional exam that was the time when Sameer was engaged to Akansha. The thing which shocked her most was Sameer and Akansha were in a relationship since 2 years, the time when she dint even knew Sameer. She was in a shock unable to believe the fact which was just revealed to her.

In past one and half year Sameer never told her about Akansha. She was unable to react at the situation. She wanted to cry out loud but tears dint flow from her eyes. She wanted to question Sameer about it but could not do so as Sameer never told her that he loved her. It was just her assumption that he had same feelings for her. She was feeling too heavy inside. She was unable to take it in. It appeared as someone has took away her support system. Her shield has suddenly disappeared. Her dream world shattered to bits and pieces. Once again she is exposed to hard reality of life. She was all lost in her agony which she had to face alone.

She dint cry as there was no one to wipe away her tears. She dint wanted to lose him. He told her that they can be good friends but she knew it will affect his relation with Akansha in future. She parted her ways with Sameer as she dint want to do any injustice to Akansha. But she was unable to forget him. She cant dislike him as he has done a lot for her. If he wouldn’t have been there she would have lost herself long back. It was he who helped her in coming out of her two faced life. But does that give him right to shatter her now. She dint wanted to blame him as he has done much good to her.

In this dilemma she cant sit for her exam in the May, 2013 attempt. So she decided to sit in Nov, 2013 attempt and use this time to make herself independent and learn to live alone. (At times we have to take a step back to take a better step ahead). This was exactly what Roshne’s decision shows. (Finally naïve, immature, dependent and impractical girl is becoming understanding, mature and practical). She started to spend quality time with herself. She got more involved in writing as that was the only way she can express her grief. She was weak inside but she started gathering her own strengths and become strong as Sameer wanted her to see. Though she was going through mental agony but still she stood strong in face of the circumstances.

This time was major turning point of her life as was learning to be happy without depending on anyone around her. This was too difficult for her but she has got enough strengths from her past experiences. She started going for morning walks. Being beside Nature gave her a lot of comfort. The calmness of the nature relaxed her for some time. In morning and evening she often used to go to parks and played with the kids there. The innocence of children helped her to forget negative aspects of the life for the time being. The smile and silly talks of kids were so pleasing that it strengthened her belief in God and in humanity too. She prayed to God to be with her forever. She realized that she was never alone as blessings of God always accompanied her. This was driving her away from her pain.

She started visiting malls alone. She visited Victoria and went for baggi ride. This helped her in keeping her calm and feel relax in the new environment. It wasn’t fun but it was far better than sitting at home and thinking about her past. She went for shopping alone. It wasn’t that bad. Infact it was good time pass. One can even remain happy alone. Happiness is inside us and not around us. With passing of each day, she was getting stronger and better. She tried to make others happy which in turn comforted her even more.

It has been more than a month since Sameer went away. There wasn’t even an hour when she dint missed him. But she learnt to tolerate the pain and pretend to smile again. From her past experience she knew that this pretence will gradually become natural. These outings really helped her a lot to maintain her mental balance. She is starting to prepare for her CA Final again.

Finally Roshne was able to stabilize a bit. Although she missed Sameer a lot but still she was firm on her decision. She engrossed herself fully in studies and kept herself too busy so she doesn’t get time to think. She started doing group studies with her professional friends so that she can concentrate more on her studies. In her solitude she was not happy but at least at peace. She is very dedicated towards her career. Her hard work will not go in vain. She will surely have a bright future ahead and when time will be right she may get her perfect partner.