Enough Reasons to Live!

Nagappa lived in a remote village in Tamil Nadu. He worked in a granite quarry. All that he could earn in spite of heavy toil was a meagre small sum which was hardly sufficient for his own self. He had a wife to support. His wife Rajamma was pregnant for the third time. She previously delivered two beautiful baby girls on different gestation years. Both those infants were not given their right to survive. Nagappa cruelly committed the crime of female infanticide and managed to escape from being charged.

During her first delivery, Nagappa managed to get the job done and have his daughter killed before Rajamma gained her consciousness. When she woke up, he told her a lie that the baby was a still born and he had sent away the still born corpse to be buried.

When she delivered her second baby girl, his wife gained her consciousness before Nagappa made arrangements for the baby to be killed. Rajamma hardly could fight and Nagappa handed over their second baby girl to be killed to the old woman who came for Rajamma’s delivery.

Rajamma took a very long time to forgive Nagappa’s erroneous sin. But like any other man he had managed to woo his wife. He convinced her that they hardly could support a girl’s life while their own life was at stake. He expressed that he wanted a baby boy, who Nagappa assumed would be a stronger survivor and help them in labour and take care of them in their elderly ages.

Rajamma was pregnant again, third time. Nagappa was desperate of a baby boy else wanted to abandon his wife and marry another woman. Rajamma delivered yet another baby girl. The desperate Nagappa went wild and came near Rajamma to carry the baby girl to be administered with the poisoned milk. Rajamma was on her foot and showed her fury over her husband. She appeared to be a kali and fought fiercely with her husband and threatened to kill him, if he even attempted to lay his hands on her beloved blessing.

Rajamma raised her daughter with love. She had won her battle and for the first time she experienced her motherhood in spite of having been pregnant a couple of times earlier. Rajamma named her child Aadhira.

Rajamma began to work in the same quarry as her husband. Her husband had denounced to his wife that he would never spend a penny for the girl to be raised. Rajamma saved all that she could for the food and clothes for her dear daughter. Rajamma refused her husband to approach her. During the nights when Nagappa advanced towards her she either moved aside or woke up and walked out of her hut. Nagappa considered his daughter to be a form of curse in his life, which had kept him away from his wife.

Years strolled by and Aadhira had grown up to be a 14 year old girl. In all her life, she hardly had any memories of any conversation with her father. Nagappa failed to even face her, leave alone speak to the poor child. Aadhira’s mom loved her enough to compensate the love that the poor child didn’t get from her father. Her mom never wanted her to cry and always advised her to face challenges in life without giving up.

In a year’s time Nagappa was approached by someone to get Aadhira married to their son. Nagappa considered that a marriage seemed to be the best way to get rid of Aadhira. Rajamma considered it a good thing. Rajamma was married when she was 12. Had she been educated, she wouldn’t have agreed to see her daughter marry at 15. She agreed to her husband and smiled at him for the first time in several years, considering that her husband wanted to do something good for their daughter.

The marriage was scheduled in less than a month’s time. Aadhira had no idea of how a married life might be. Her mom never taught her anything about it yet. Preparations were swift and processions were carried on. In less than a month, the day of her marriage dawned. She was married to a man who lived a few hundred kilometres away from her own village. Aadhira had never crossed even the border of her own village till now. She was too young to know anything about livelihood.

Her marriage procession was held in a temple. She played the role of a doll in the marriage, except the fact that she could move around herself unlike a doll. Paari, the groom tied the nuptial knots and the two together came around the celestial fire and finished their prayers.

Rajamma hugged Aadhira warmly and began to weep. Poor Aadhira too began to weep on seeing her mom cry. She didn’t know why either of them cried. A van awaited for the bride & the groom to board. Rajamma wept badly and walked till the van and then the van moved soon after they boarded in it. Rajamma stood there crying and it was then Aadhira understood that she’s being taken elsewhere away from her mom, the only person she has ever lived with, spoken to, laughed with and cheered along with. Aadhira began to weep terribly. She wept and was almost clinging on the door of the van and tried to see her mom by peeping out of the window.

It was then she experienced her first torture from her husband. He thrashed her on her spine and pulled her back and made her to sit on the seat. She was horrified and didn’t know how to react. Her husband gestured her to remain silent. She stopped crying, but was scared deeply within. She had no clue to what was happening around her. It took almost the entire day for the travel to end. The van halted in between for an occasional tea break and for the men to smoke their local cigarette. It was pitch dark when the van arrived at the groom’s house.

The bride groom’s extended family welcomed them inside. It was that same night the poor 15 year old girl experienced the tortures of her husband in the name of copulation rituals.

A few days passed. She observed her husband going out somewhere and coming back in semiconscious. His tone of talking and his behaviour got wilder after he came back from where he went to, the toddy shop.

She was made to work during the day times and had to do all the household work and also attend to the calls of her husband and during the nights she underwent the tortures of her husband until he decided to stop it.

In a few months she was pregnant. She realized her belly was protruding and an old lady in the neighbourhood understood and started visiting Aadhira frequently. Aadhira saw her own mom in the old lady from the neighbourhood.

In few months Aadhira got her delivery pain and it was the old woman accompanied by few more who helped her during the delivery. She gave birth to a charming baby boy. The old woman taught Aadhira to take care of the baby.

Her husband never stopped his visits to the toddy shop and came back home and thrashed her for no reasons.

She was astonished to see her child crawl and how he had begun to grow. When her son was two years old, she was pregnant again. During the second delivery she delivered a baby girl. It was difficult to manage both her children. The old lady offered few hours to take care of the elder son who needed lesser attention.

Paari continued to torture Aadhira. But, she lived with grit and determination, all for the sake of her son & daughter. Her kids were the only blessings the wretched married life had given her. One day the old woman suggested that she should leave her husband and go away somewhere and raise her kids peacefully. Aadhira gained confidence to throw Paaari out of her life and live for herself and for her kids.

Aadhira was now 20 years old and both her kids have grown up to an extent. She packed a small bundle with few belongings, carried her daughter in her arm and held her son in the other hand and walked out of the house. She started to walk in the path that was visible ahead. She just didn’t want to turn back.

On her way, in a remote area, she decided to stay near a coconut farm for the night. She unpacked her belongings. The only option for the uneducated girl was to do household chores to earn for a living. Her children were hungry at the early hours of dusk that day.

Aadhira tried to persuade them that there would be no food for the day or until they manage to find a earning. She lit fire out of a few dry coconut branches. She managed to get her children to lie down a little distance away from the fire. She used the darkness to persuade them to sleep; convincing them she'd find food at dawn.

She carried a pot to fetch some water from the nearby lake. She brought the pot of water and was trying to offer water for her children. With the bright light fire, inside the pot of the lake water, she spotted three fishes.

She was delighted to see those fishes in the pot and cooked them in the fire she had lit. She fed her children. She remembered the words of her mother that she should never give up in life and there will always be a way to live until death took her away. She was confident enough of living by herself to raise her kids. Aadhira recalled what her mom used to often say her, “God feeds all the birds, but not in its nest.” She understood the hidden message and got prepared to face the future that lay ahead for her and her children.

Enough reasons to live!