The Diary

THE DIARY

In the midst of early morning fog and extremely cold weather, I board a train to Mumbai. I was lucky enough to find a seat in such wee hours. People stare at me in their half open sleepy eyes. I was dresses in my wedding gown and heavy jewellery; I had just escaped from my own wedding!

“Adventurous” I felt.

“Feeling too tired from the recent elope? “ A guy sitting ahead of me asked.

“No, I’m happy!!!” I answered.

Generally I would avoid talking to a stranger but today I’m too happy to be content.

“And are what made you run away from your own marriage?” he asks

“The Diary! It showed me a path & confidence to follow my dream and search for love.

“Cant I read it?” He was curious.

“Why do you want to read it?” I asked though I was eager to share my story with this cute-smart-handsome looking guy who was wide awake with no idea to sleep a wink in his sparking eyes. He was cute!!!

“Just to see what made such a beautiful and amazing girl run away from her own marriage. What made her do that?” His sparkling eyes were curious to know.

“Okay, you can read it. This diary belongs to my mother who left me long back, but I was lucky enough to find this diary hidden from me since so many years. “

I gave that diary to him without any hesitation. He started reading it with utter curiousness. Leaving all the pages ahead of to-do list and not-to-do list from her, he directly starts with the story of my mother.

THE DIARY-

I stare at the pale building across the window of my college campus and see beautiful morning sun. The winds are chilly as winter shows no mercy at Delhi. The campus is crowded with ever scrambling students hopping here and there. Today is last day of my college. After today, there would be no bunked lectures, no jokes at canteen, no friends calling early mornings to wake you up, no proxies, it will be a different new world. Apart from everything, there would be no Akash.

Akash and I were dating each other since last 5 years of our college. We were so much in love that there was nothing that could tear us apart. We always cherished the time we spent together and decided our future together. The world fell apart when his narrow minded parents disapproved our relationship stating that I don’t belong to their caste and they can get a better girl for their son. My parents in fist of anger promised that they will get me married the day I complete my graduation. Sometimes ego tears apart not only relationships, but your entire world. After months of search, I was forcefully engaged to a guy named Rishi and Akash chose to stay quiet. From inside, we both were broken. We knew our parents will never agree to our relationship. Graduation day was the last day I will be meeting Akash after which he was shifting to a new city with his parents. After graduation function, I move towards college gate to meet Akash. This would be my last meet with him.

“Hello Beautiful! You look even prettier with sore eyes.” He kissed me on my head.

Yes, I look beautiful because you make me look and feel beautiful.” He was the only reason I smiled those days.

“So when is the Big Day?” He asked

“After a month, Rishi’s parents can’t wait anymore to get us married.” I was tensed.

“Nice” he said with a feeble smile.

“And when are you shifting to Bangalore?”

“Tomorrow, dad knows that we are still in touch with each other and wants me to leave this place and study and settle down there.”

“Nice” I said with a feeble smile.

For few minutes, we both spoke nothing; our minds were numb and sore. Our hearts were crying, but we pretended to be stronger. We both loved out families so much that we let love die for each other. The place we met was the same place he took me out on our first date. The coffee shop was throwing moments of us spending most of our times there holding each other. I held his hand in mine and hug him softly. Unaware of the crowd, unaware of their stares!

“Akash, I’m in love with you, I don’t see a future without you. Why is this happening to us? Let’s elope.” I cried.

“Nandini, I love you too and you know there is nothing that can change that, ever. Just tell me one thing; will you be happy by running away from your parents and making them ashamed and embarrassed for our love? Are we that weak that we need a name to be together? Aren’t we already together! So why go against the will of our parents? You know I will not let you do that, ever.” He held my tightly in his arms.

I stay silent. From within, I knew he was thinking for me and my happiness. I knew I will be happy with Rishi as he was a really nice guy. But I knew deep down inside me that I will never be able to fall in love with him.

“That was the last time we met, I got married to your father who gave his world of happiness to me. I never looked back. My life was that of any happy married woman could think of.

But today when I’m on my death bed, and if given a chance to see someone for the last time, I wish to see Akash who never became mine but was always there in my heart. One regret that I have today, is what life would be had it been Akash and not your father. Akash and I were friends even after marriage, we never met after that but he made sure I am happy. If I had something to share with someone, it was him. I knew what I did to your father was wrong and made sure I keep him happy. But I could not give him the love that he would expect from me. My first love was and will always be Akash. In few days I will be dead soon, and if there is anything that I was my daughter to do is, “Follow your dreams!” Take your stand. Do not thing what will happen later, think what you want now. I don’t want my daughter to regret like I did. Your father understood my love for Akash and also gave me a chance to divorce him. But I did not. Akash was already married with someone else and we had our separate world till then. Things changed. We made them change! I don’t want you to change things according to the world, I want you to make your own world of dreams and love.

Love you Rhea, please forgive me if you can and I hope this diary tells you to take your stand and to fall in love. See that spark if his eyes when he sees you, feel that warmth when he is close to you. Do what your heart says, live your life and regret nothing. I will always be there for you.”

Lots of Love.

Mother.

**The diary ends**

“Wow, that was really brave of your mother” the guy said.

I had tears in my eyes; I missed my mother so much.

“Hey, why are you crying Rhea? It’s okay to run away from the wedding.” he looked worried.

“How do you know my name?” I asked

“Well the diary says your name so I guess I should know your name Miss.” he chuckles.

“Oh okay, yes how can I miss that. And I’m crying because I miss my mother and can feel her pain of not being with a person she wanted to, not because I ran away, that was pretty awesome.” I winked.

He laughed.

“Well couldn’t you call the wedding off before the BIG DAY?” I mean isn’t it pretty late to understand that you don’t love the guy?” he smiled.

“Who said I dint love the guy?” I again winked. He was clueless.

“You have this mischief within you don’t you think. So you mean you loved the guy and you ran away! Now that’s amazing.” He chuckled.

“Hahah.. Naah… well it was arranged marriage and I liked the guy, we met quite a few times. I knew I will fall in love with this guy post marriage. So I said a yes! Arrangements started and all were pretty excited. So was I. I never dated a guy before, responsibilities kept no time and space for me to be with someone. The only person I loved was my dad. My mother passed away when I was in school. I always was a good child.”

“So what went wrong?” he interrupted.

“This diary! When I was ready to leave for the marriage ceremony, I find this in dad’s cupboard. I was hurt to see that he never showed this to me till now. I was angry. After reading the diary, I got the reason why he never did. He never wanted me to think wrong about my mother, unaware of the fact that she wrote it for me to read it and learn from her mistakes.

I sat down and asked myself, “Do I love the guy I’m marrying?”

“And the answer was NO!” he continued.

“YES, that was the answer, I did not. I did not wish to regret like mom did and I knew she wrote this diary when she was in utter pain. Just for a cause. For me to follow my dreams and do what my heart says.

“Sweet, does your dad knows that you ran away?” he asked

“Yes he saw me running with this diary in hand and he smiled. I guess he supports my decision.”

“So will you go back?” He asked

“Yes, I will but after a small vacation, it is such a stress eloping from you own marriage.”

We both shared a healthy laugh.

“You’re cute and stupid.” He said.

“Cute goes fine with me but not the stupid tag! Hey what’s your name?” I forget to ask him his name.

“Isn’t that STUPID enough to share your story with a guy whose name or identity you are unaware of?” he questioned with a wink.

“No I think its okay to share it with someone who looks cute to me.” I blushed.

So did him, our eyes met for the first time. The spark mother spoke of when she met Akash for the first and the last time, I could see that spark right here in this train with this guy whose name I still dint know!

“This is Arush here. Pleased to meet you Rhea.” Cute stupid Rhea, he thought.

Epilogue-

After 2 years I get married to my boyfriend Arush whom I met early morning at 5’ clock with my wedding gown on and whose name I knew only after I share my story with him.

Moral –

Follow your dreams before it is too late to even think of it. People do matters in life, think for them but don’t forget about yourself. J