The top(bottom) issue

Five minutes before the critical moment, I was listening to Chennai FM radio. Between ilayaraja’s music, cheap commercials and pathetic R.J’s , a contest announcement caught my attention. The contest was to list down the top three issues in tamilnadu and the winner would get…, no, I didn’t care for the second half of the announcement about the prize. Heck, forget the prize; here is an opportunity to list down my frustration over the society that engulfs me, to vent my anger over the government and to boldly point out the flaws. I was excited as if mere listing and communicating the issues is sufficient to alleviate them; nevertheless, I was absorbed in deep thoughts. Caste based reservation, corruption, real-estate mafias, piling divorces, quality of education and several other issues popped out from every part of my brain craving for attention.

But, my train of thoughts was stalled at the critical moment when the rear wheels of the bus jumped pass the speed breaker, the one near the turning of dungeon ‘kutchery road’ from Santhome. I sensed a strong impulse of bowel movement when the bus landed me down after its jump over the speed breaker. All the previous thoughts about social issues vanished by that instantaneous shock. The bus stop was a kilometer afar and with mylapore’s evening traffic, reaching there in 15 minutes is a luxury. Five minutes passed and I sat froze like dead enduring the internal inconvenience. Five more minutes passed, the sitting posture in the rear seat of city bus was not helping and I stood up. An old lady hurried to occupy the empty seat I left behind and smiled, thanking me for sacrificing a seat in city bus during peak hours. My jaw muscles were tight and couldn’t acknowledge her friendly smile. She might have thought me rude, yeah, but I didn’t care, for my suffering was inexplicable. After a long wait, I don’t remember how long, it appeared like an eternal waiting then; I managed to get down near Luz corner.

Getting out of the crowded bus was a relief, but my agony was not forgiving. The aroma of savouries, freshly baked coconut sweet cakes and sweet rings from the bakeries dominated albeit it’s unwelcome contamination from the perennial gutter nearby. I skipped my routine schedule of a sweet tea and vegetable sandwich at Iyengar bakery, when the ‘proprietor’ Murugan reels out the local gossips and news. Like a never ending TV serial episode, he punctuates an interesting twist of the gossip, say an extra marital affair, almost at the end of my first sandwich and asks casually “one more sandwich?” an indirect threat that the story will continue only over the second sandwich I bought. But today I was least interested in any of those and hurried. I wanted to fart, a perfect place to do without gaining attention from anyone around. But, no that could have been a fatal mistake given my condition. I controlled, and walked slowly. I could feel my internal faecal pressure mocking me. I tightened my glute muscles and reduced my pace, which gave a minor temporary edge over tackling the issue.

Walking further, I reached the railway station. Ahh a relief, I knew that there is a toilet in the top floor of the railway station. I waited for the green signal, then the red signal and again the green signal, yet no vehicles stopped, though the pedestrians kept crossing, with whom I somehow reached the railway station. I could have noted the traffic discipline as one of the top issues for tamilnadu had I been normal. I hurriedly entered the railway station; the escalator was not working and neither the lift was. My heart skipped a beat staring at the stairs ahead and slowly, very slowly I climbed the steps. Every muscle in my body was held taut with vigil, while I stopped even for a faint doubt of relaxing any of my muscles. I never had imagined that it could take so long to climb these stairs, not did I ever think that climbing the stairs could be so difficult. As I ascended, I was working against gravity and the lump of faecal mass inside was working against me. I somehow won and reached the top floor. The gentle breeze felt so soothing as if trying to pacify my torment. I walked straight focusing the “toilet” sign board and my heart raced as I approached it. Alas ! I was dumbfounded to see an innocent lock, an old tired lock with rusted shackle hanging on the weak latch. I sighed, looked around to see whether someone had the key, though I knew what hoped was stupid.

Sad, tired, yet cautious, I descended the stairs. Did I cry? I was too focused as both of us are attracted by gravity and even a minor carelessness could be catastrophic. By the time i descended i was almost in neutral agreement with my pressure, like the ache our legs don’t care after running a kilometre. I started noticing things around me, the filth unattended, the once beautiful tiled walls now dried after drenching in spewed pan and tobacco juices, the abundant increase in liquor shops around the railway station at the close proximity of schools and many others which hadn’t entered my five minutes thoughts on the top issues of tamilnadu before the critical moment in city bus.

I crossed the slum and entered the main road, when the house broker crossed me “sir, i was just about to call you. You had asked for 2 bed room house for rent isn’t? I’ve got a suitable one for you”. He went non-stop, I couldn’t smile, for it relaxed my muscle. As i stood, my equilibrium with the internal pressure altered and I understood that it’s a grave mistake to stand still under the given conditions. I somehow managed to got rid fo him and walked past the medical stores at the corner of Ranga road. By then my every muscle was held tight and hard and i was possessed by a strange feeling of having full control over the movement of every tissue, but the fact was contrary, a set of muscles have taken control of me since that critical moment in city bus. I walked stiff like a robot, my glute muscles held hard, even my jaw skin felt taut. i hoped for a hospital, a restaurant or a convenient store big enough with a rest room and i knew it was an useless hope. By then several parts in my torso started aching, was it intestine? gall bladder? all the unfamiliar terms I had endured between the afternoon naps of biology class flashed in bits and pieces. If ever there lays an opportunity in future to learn anatomy, am sure, i will understand digestive system with no doubts. The pain traversed diagonally from right top belly and spread to tributaries of nervous system causing an awful gooseflesh experience. My mouth was dry and my tongue was glued to my hard palate. I wondered whether there could be any other physiological circumstance more painful and stressful than that i was enduring. Cancer? Pregnancy? no , nothing at that moment, nothing worse as holding shit threatening to bulge out any moment.

As i neared my home, people became familiar and they smiled, but i couldn’t. Some of them stopped for a petty conversation testing my patience. I cursed them all, why in the world they chose that particular day and that moment to talk to me. I think no other day i had encountered so many known faces in the street. I was sweating profusely with extended stiffness. I was tired and was about to give up, may be a minor relaxation of some muscles, no, i was alert again. Unfortunately i became tired again and the cycle continued. My hopes of reaching home unadulterated searched twilight. My breathing became more controlled and louder. When i turned into my street, i was like a moving stone with contracted eyes. I more or less appeared like stoned, am sure that could feed a potential gossip topic for some filthy mouths around.

I didn’t breath as i crossed the first two apartments of the street. With anguished soul and battered body i entered my apartment. Kids were playing around; I perambulated safely along the periphery to prevent any potential physical impact. Thank god my door was not locked and i stormed in without even removing my shoes, the most irreligious act which my mother would find hard to forgive. Minutes later, i emerged into the drawing room after disposing the devil that haunted me for the past one hour. My whole body and mind felt fresh, relaxed and light. I closed my eyes, felt the peace, felt the muscles relaxing slowly after a long struggle and i smiled.

Before finishing my coffee, i took an envelope and filled hurriedly

“Entry for the contest on top issues in tamil nadu.

1) Public toilet….”