The hidden letter of Love

The hidden letter of Love.

This is the letter by written by Nikita Kadam. It was concealed in an envelop. Her parents read this letter and were shocked. It anguished them. This letter below shows her love for her fiancé. It was hidden in a diary. Nikita was mentally disturbed yet a good by heart. She wrote this letter the day after their Anniversary when her fiancé left her behind after a big misunderstanding. She was in pain. But what made her cause such turbulence? Will he ever come back? I hope he does. But it was too late. She died of cancer a month later. Her parents found this letter after her death.

Date 16.1.13

Dear Aditya,

I always found myself fall into the false mirth of my friends. People would distance themselves from me. No one understands what battle I’m fighting. Thank god at least u know it. Darling, last night I saw tears flow from your eyes. I was helpless. I couldn’t do anything. I knocked three to four times and got no response in return. It was causing me heartache. To cheer you up I had made some French style pancakes you love. With fits of rage you were clashing things in the room. I cried, cried and cried. You didn’t stop. I was shivering to death. I was panicked. I felt the need to punish me severely. Why did I do this? How can I even forgive myself?

I was on the verge of committing suicide. You felt wretched because of my behavior. We both had our faces flushed with anger. It was more than horror to leave you in tears. Since then we both weren’t able to articulate our love towards each other. Even as your crying became more insistent I was helpless. Your hurt mixed with disappointment expression I will never forget. It has been a trauma for me. Your tears and your behavior told me more than words that might have conveyed.

The reason for my ignorant behavior is still unknown. I have those repressed feelings of the past. It’s time to tell everything what happened behind your back dear. I wish if I could have told you then and there. We could never meet this situation. It’s not each other we must hate but the situation. I lost the right vision of my life. Everything was so black and white. Everything seemed bothersome. I wanted to be left alone despite your presence. Your presence makes my life whole. Was it necessary for all this to happen on our anniversary? Everything happens for a reason but I wonder why did this happen? I guess my expectations weighed too much. I had been behaving impertinently with you since a month. It’s because I needed your love. The kind of treatment I’ve been getting from my in-laws was… too humiliating. I was filled with intense anger that ruined our 7 year’s bond. 15th December is the best day of my life. It’s our engagement dear!

I am such a coward to run away from my responsibilities. I got my priorities totally work. I would have dismissed the tears as a fit of petulance. You winced looking at me. It stung more than 1000 needles. I was more tensed when you starved to death that day. Since then you never ate my handmade food. So much of hatred filled you. It’s not your fault baby. Not your fault. You pushed me when I hugged you. I understand your anger Aditya. I do! I’m sorry… please?

The next day after out anniversary you were missing. With sunken eyes I made a salad that turned salty. Even a word I couldn’t utter. I desperately wanted to talk to you & get that morning kishy-wishy (kiss). Last night I heard you yell,” I have no place on earth when I can’t keep my princess happy.” No dear. You always kept me happy. It was I who couldn’t keep you happy. We both cried ourselves to bed. The most shocking thing is you went for a Goa trip without telling me. I was relieved when you left a chit saying ‘I love you Nikita. But I need a break’. I smoked and drank in depression. There’s nothing I could do without you. I was lost.

A thought ran into my mind,” what’s the point in living when my prince isn’t here with me?” A day without greeting you with hugs and kisses was too disturbing. I was hurt and too lonely after that. Baby please forgive me. I waited for you one month Adi. It’s been too long. I love you Aditya. Please come back please Aditya? I hope it’s not a divorce.

Your fiancée,

Nikita.