That Silent Voice Of The Heart

Arvind’s long impatient steps across his parent’s room reeked of importance as well as nervousness, which dutifully complemented his short, jerky breaths. The thought of discussing the most important aspect of his life with his parents resulted in large beads of perspiration clouding up his forehead. Would his parents understand his passion? Would they support the path he wished to tread in life? All these thoughts became dormant as Ravinder Awasthi, his 50 year-old ‘strict’ father entered the room, the ever-pervading wave of importance following him. He gave Arvind questioning glances.

“D…Dad, I need to talk to you about something important.” Arvind began.

His father stopped for a while, took a good look at his son, and signalled him with his eyes to speak up. Just then his mother, Meenu Awasthi, a housewife; entered the room.

“Ac…Actually I wanted to tell you both about the choice of career I wish to take up.” He stuttered.

“Oh, I know, I know. I already bought the latest engineering entrance exam guides. They were so costly! But we don’t have to worry about that anymore. After all, our son is going to be an engineer in a few years.” His father said, a wide smile covering his ageing face.

Arvind could feel a lump in his throat and his lips dry up, as either of them refused to coordinate. But his instincts knew that it was now or never.

“Mom and Dad….I don’t want to be an engineer. I want to be a musician.” Arvind blurted out in a single breath. His eyes closed by reflex as he felt the temperature of the room rise up by several notches and the atmosphere being engulfed by an eerie silence, which seemed never-ending.

“What? Have you gone totally mad? Do you even realize what you are speaking?” His dad stormed, breaking the deadly silence.

“Yes Dad, I do realize what I am speaking. I know you must be shocked by this choice, but I want you to know that this is all I can do in life with my heart and soul.”

“Just stop it Arvind. You know how hard we are working so that we can make you a successful person in life. We are not rich people but still we make sure that you can avail the best of facilities in every sphere. And this is what you are giving us in return? You want to be a mere musician? How much will you earn? How will you make both ends meet? In one week, you will be on the streets.” His mother’s words were honest and in-your-face.

“Mom, I know there is very little scope for a musician in this country. But I also know that if one is passionate and dedicated enough, he can overcome any hurdle in life.” Arvind replied honestly.

“Enough is enough. This boy has lost his mind and is now eating ours. Now listen. I give you two clear options. Either you become an engineer and remain in this house, or you leave the house and do whatever nonsense you want to. Do you get it?” His father’s words were firm and final.

“Dad please….” Arvind started, but both his Mom and Dad stormed out of the room.

He could feel his eyes turning red and tears slowly making a way down his cheeks. He had least expected this response. Sure, his parents were a bit strict; but he felt they would understand him. How couldn’t they? After all, they were his parents. Their reaction had left Arvind completely devastated.

He took out his guitar and went out of the house. The summer breeze followed him as he sat down on a deserted pavement. He started strumming the guitar, and soon, the guitar’s strings reverberated magically, complemented by his husky voice. He closed his eyes and let the cool breeze soothe him. The unexplainable ecstasy he felt everytime he did this, returned again.

When Arvind finished the song, he heard the sound of clapping. He opened his eyes and saw a young boy clapping with a wide smile. The boy sat down beside Arvind.

Arvind could hardly take his eyes off the boy. The boy was holding a walking stick and walked with a limp.

“My name is Kamal. I live down the lane.” The boy forwarded his hand.

“I’m Arvind. Are you….?” Arvind couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Yes, I’m physically handicapped. Met with an accident three years ago. Still suffering the aftermaths.”

“Oh I….I’m really sorry.”

“Oh no, don’t be sorry. By the way, I must tell you I was quite moved by your song. I couldn’t understand the English words for sure, but I could really connect with the passion and honesty with which you sang.” Kamal said with a genuine smile flashing across his face.

“Thank you very much. I am really flattered. But I must get over with this….” Arvind looked away into the deafening darkness of the night.

“What? But why?” Kamal asked, wide-eyed.

“My parents won’t let me do this.” Arvind still couldn’t make eye-contact with Kamal.

“Oh….I see. The same old parents-children conflict, I guess. But do you really think you should give up your dreams just because your parents are against you? Do you think that’s fair?” Kamal asked, shooting straight into Arvind’s eyes.

“You won’t understand. Music is my life, my love. I wake up everyday to the sound of music, I breathe music in each and every moment of life, I go to bed with the sound of music ringing in each and every corner of my heart. You get the drift, I can’t live without music. But no one understands or supports my passion. I often question myself, if my ambition makes so many people unhappy, is it the right thing to do? And deep down, I also know that if I decide to become a musician, I would be on the streets very soon. There’s no use treading this path in life.” Arvind bared out his heart.

Kamal did not utter a single word for a few minutes. Unreadable shades of emotions covered each and every square inch of his face. He stood up with a sigh. He then began speaking in a very low voice. “You know, my father and I shared a very similar goal; we were devotees of football. Since my father could not avail proper facilities, he wanted to see me become a good footballer. It was not as if he was dumping his dreams on me……I myself wanted to be a good sportsman. My father passed away when I was thirteen years old. Ever since that day, I have lived my life with only one objective in mind. I wanted to fulfil my father’s dream. I wanted to live for him. I wanted to be a footballer for him…..Then three years ago, I met with an accident when I was returning from school. I injured one of my legs really badly. But still I did not give up.” He paused for a moment, then began again,

“I started practicing even more. I started becoming much more determined and focused. And just a few days ago, I got selected in the state football team as the youngest player……………From whatever experience I have culminated in life, one thing I have become very sure of is that to never give up on dreams or passion. Because that is the sole thing that lifts you up from your dark times, makes you feel good however many times you may fail, pumps you to life.”

It took me a few moments to digest Kamal’s heavy words. “I…..I understand your point. Even I want to live my dream and prove to everyone that it doesn’t matter what you do in life, unless you do it with full honesty and dedication. They still think that becoming an engineer is the only valid option of a bright future. They look at musicians, artistes, sportspersons as aimless entities, as if their way of life is worthless. They won’t ever understand. And if they don’t understand, to whom will I prove my worth?”

“To yourself. First do it for yourself, then for others. Tell me, do you buy your clothes, shoes according to your parents’ choice? Do you set your hairstyle according to your parents’ will? If you don’t listen to your parents while performing these trivial things, then why would you choose the most important thing in your life according to your parents’ wishes? I am not telling you to disrespect your parents, or not listen to them. Of course listen to them. They know much more about the world than us. But people from their generation smirk at people who decide to do something a little different in life. Musicians, sportspersons, painters, writers; these people are the bravest people on Earth. They go ahead in life, not caring about other people’s opinions and criticisms. They face a thousand times more struggle than a normal individual does. But they do not give up. Do you know why?"

"Because they are the only people who listen to that silent voice of the heart. And deep inside they know that dedicating their lives to that one moment when they can connect with their audience is worth a thousand lifetimes.”

Arvind was left speechless.