When I woke up

In the month of December, the streets of Le Havre were filled with snow. Usually Le Havre has heavy winds blowing during day time, but this winter night had strong winds sounding creepy at times. With very less traffic in such a brumous weather, the roads were almost empty. A man wearing a black suit, tall with elegant chest and broad shoulders called a taxi. His voice was deep and seemed to be disappointed. “Hey taxi”. A cab stopped. “prenez moi 4 rue caligny” (take me to 4 rue caligny), the man said. “vous monsieur”(sure sir), said the cab driver.

The man stepped out of the cab and walked towards a bar lounge. On entering the lounge he found lights, blue and dim, bar tables lavish and walnut in colour. The whole ambience was rejoiced with the French song Hymne à l'amour by Édith Piaf. He grabs a corner seat, which is tranquil. “Que voulez-vous d'avoir monsieur?” (What would you like to have sir?), asked a bar-tender. “Coteaux du layon, avec de la glace” (coteaux du layon, with some ice), the man replied. “profiter de votre boisson monsieur” (Enjoy your drink sir), said the bar-tender after serving the drink.“Merci!” (Thank you!). The lounge music was soothing and so was the white wine. Another man approached towards the corner seat. He was old with a rugged face, his hair grey and trimmed to zero and had a grown beard. He was wearing a black tuxedo and seemed to be a British national. “Bonjour Raphael” said the old man “I hope that my presence won‟t affect your tranquillity?” “Bonjour Mr. Cortese” said Raphael, “please have a sit.” Raphael and Mr. Cortese are friends. Despite of huge difference in their age they are comfortable with each other as friends. Raphael is a foreign-language teacher in University of Le Havre. Raphael had met Mr. Cortese in Birmingham while he was studying his Bachelor of Arts (Hons.) in Geography. Mr. Cortese and his wife Esther have been married for a long time. Mr. Cortese is a patron at Bradley's café in Le Havre and often provides the younger generation with advice on love. Mr. Cortese has also been struggling with the decision of going back to work as a Professor at a university. “Que voulez-vous d'avoir monsieur?” (What would you like to have sir?), asked a bar-tender. “Je voudrais avoir le même poison que monsieur Raphael” (I would like to have the same poison as Mr. Raphael), replied Mr. Cortese. “Inès, she's getting married and irony of the situation is I am not her groom”, said Raphael in a very disappointed voice. Raphael and Inès have been dating each other for over a year. Few days ago, on the last one night stand before her marriage Inès told Raphael about her marriage and she wanted to breakup with Raphael. Raphael was astonished with her sudden decision and asked her several questions about it. But in the end he let her go. He was ditched, and he starts feeling that sex complicates matters between men and women, since he seems to lose all his rational perspective as soon as he is aroused. He decides to look for a relationship based on the intellectual rather than the physical. Listening to Raphael, Mr. Cortese gives a determined smile and winks! “My dear, Raphael, I understand from what you are going. I and my wife Esther had been together for 40 years, and in our recent trip to India, we discovered what Indians believes about marriage. Lord Shiva‟s idol is half man and half woman, meaning, by marriage a man meets his other half and vice versa. You go anywhere around the world and you will find that physical intimacy is not bad in itself.” “Yeah, then why did she leave me?” asked Raphael. “May be someone better is waiting for you” replied Mr. Cortese.

Mr Cortese is having a morning tea with his wife Esther. Esther is a matured woman who chooses to be a housewife. She is soft spoken and kind hearted. She loves to cook and often blogs about it. “When are you rejoining the university? You know what, you should join it soon”, said Esther. “May be I would do it in couple of weeks”, replied Mr. Cortese. “I met Raphael yesterday, I‟m worried about this guy”, he added. “You are worried whenever someone young, probably of your child‟s age is going through lows of life.” asked Esther. “Raphael!” said Mr. Cortese and gave a big sigh. “He is inculcating wrong thoughts about love, sex and life after his breakup with a girl named Inès”, he added. “I understand. Dear, men tend to fall in love faster than their women counterpart. A woman takes time. By intuition or instinct she knows her perfect match. And with his deeds the man proves her that she wasn‟t wrong. But for a man, the best woman is the one who makes him feel good about himself”, said Esther. Mr. Cortese smiles and holds Esther‟s hand with love and affection. Esther smiles and takes a sip of tea.

Raphael is currently teaching foreign-language especially Asian languages to his students. He has interest in geography. It is said that for a man if there‟s no love, then give him hope; if there‟s no hope, give him work. While working on ancient Hindu texts Raphael encounters Kāmasūtra, a Sanskrit literature written by Vātsyāyana. He founds that Hinduism has four goals namely, Dharma (righteousness, ethics), Artha (livelihood, wealth), Kāma (sensual pleasure), Mokṣa (liberation, freedom from samsara). He is perplexed with the ideas of Hinduism and especially reading Kāmasūtra makes his sceptical mind envy Inès groom. Raphael decides to find escapism to ignore unpleasant realities and he decides to go on a tour to India. He never knew that this tour will outgrow him.

Raphael and Mr. Cortese meet at Bradley's café for a coffee. “Mr. Cortese, I think I need to take a break. What do you think?” said Raphael. “Go on my boy. –Smiles- Why don‟t you go on a trip?” asked Mr. Cortese. “Exactly, I mean I‟ve planned to go on a trip to India, how‟s it?” asked Raphael with excitement. “If you think its right, it‟s right. If you think it‟s wrong, it‟s wrong” said Mr. Cortese.

Raphael plans his itinerary to India. He does all necessary cartographic noting, prepares a leave note for his trip, and gathers information about few places on route. Mr. Cortese and Esther visits Raphael's home. Mr. Cortese brings information about few places in India and urges Raphael to visit them. Raphael is too excited about this trip. He is moving towards a place where sun rises before it does in France, a place which is signified by its cultural diversity.

***

Raphael reaches India and the first city he encounters is Bombay (Mumbai). He is among people who are different in every sense than his own countrymen. He sees a man holding a name plate displaying “Raphael Pétain”. “Welcome to India Sir, uhh, my name is Arun. Your friend Mr. Cortese had visited recently. He is a nice man” said the man holding Raphael‟s name plate. Arun is a guide in India. In Mr. Cortese recent trip to India, Arun guided him to different tourist places. Both liked each other as a person. Arun is short in height, with wheat like complexion. He is talkative, jolly and honest. “Thank You Arun!” said Raphael with a smile. Mumbai, the economic capital of India, also famous by the name of Bollywood City is a place known for many reasons. While on the way to hotel, Raphael gets a glimpse of this city. He sees people rushing towards public transports in bulk. Beaches full with different and colourful street food stalls. He sees banners displaying the poster of an Indian movie, almost the same movie poster being displayed at short distances. On reaching hotel, Arun hands Raphael the plan for next day. Raphael checks-in and enters his room. He is curious and excited to explore India.

With the rise of new day Raphael leaves for his next destination, Khandala, a hill station. He loves the geographical diversity India has. The day ended with Raphael spending some quality time at a place named Bushi Lake in Khandala. “Sir, this is the best place I find to visit. It's like sleeping in Mother Nature's lap. It's so quiet, calm and soothing”, said Arun. “I just loved the place. It's a relief”, said Raphael.

While returning to Mumbai Arun encounters a problem with the vehicle. While Arun is busy finding problem a girl in her 20s walks towards the car. Before she says anything Arun shouts, “भाग यहााँ से (Run away).” “What did you say to her?” asked Raphael. “Sir I asked her to go. She‟s a prostitute; we call them „Tawaif‟. They are basically singers and dancers but are compelled to sexual activities for entertainment of their customers”, replied Arun. “How much time will it take to Mumbai?” asked Raphael. “Once it starts I would take you to Mumbai in an hour sir”, replied Arun.

On reaching hotel, Raphael checks-on the places Mr. Cortese has urged him to visit. It included a place named "Vrindavan‟- the city of Widows. Raphael picks up his phone and calls Arun asking him to make Vrindavan their next destination.

Next morning they head towards Vrindavan. On reaching Vrindavan, Raphael finds lots of temples as heritage site. Along with that he finds thousands of India's widows flocked to the holy city of Vrindavan. They are found on side streets, hunched over with walking canes, their heads shaved and their pain etched by hundreds of deep wrinkles in their faces. These Hindu widows, the poorest of the poor, are shunned from society when their husbands die, not for religious reasons, but because of tradition -- and because they're seen as a financial drain on their families. They cannot remarry. They must not wear jewellery. They are forced to shave their heads and typically wear white. Even their shadows are considered bad luck. Raphael visits Amar Bari or "My Home," a refuge for about 120 of India's widows. At Amar Bari, most widows reject traditional white outfits and grow out their hair. Along the open air corridors that link the house's courtyard are green wooden doors, leading to dark tiny rooms, home for each widow. Bent over by osteoporosis, an old woman probably in her 80s, meticulously and slowly sweeps the floor just outside her door and then carefully cleans her dishes. Another widow wearing a bright red-patterned sari shows off her room at the home and wants to sing for her guests. The lyrics of her song are about a lost traveller.

"When did you come here after losing your way?" she sings. "When I remember the days gone by I feel sad."

Raphael was disturbed to see the plight of these destitute women. “Take me to New Delhi”, said Raphael. “Delhi, why sir?” asked Arun. “The woman back there at Amar Bari said I should pay a visit to other such organisations in the capital city which helps women”, replied Raphael. “Sure Sir” said Arun. “Arun, I want you to go back to Mumbai and continue your work as a guide there” urged Raphael. “Have I done anything wrong Sir?” asked Arun. “No you haven‟t done anything wrong, but now my trip is no more about visiting tourists‟ places in India”, replied Raphael with a smile. “No worries Sir, I would take you to places of your choice”, said Arun. “Oh thank you Arun, but I would do it on my own. I loved your company”, replies Raphael.

In the month of January, Delhi has severe winters. Raphael wasn't interested in visiting tourists' places in New Delhi. He was more interested in knowing the hidden secrets about women and their life in India. Hinduism wasn‟t leaving him aside. First Kāmasūtra astonished him and then widows' condition in Vrindavan blocked his mind. He wasn't anti-religious about Hindu religion. But he had a curiosity to go into depths of the darker side of society.

Raphael starts to visit all the organisations which work for upliftment of women. He starts visiting different areas and location where these organisation works. Soon he started working with an organisation named Apne Aap, a non-profit advocacy organization that works with communities where sex work is common, trying to provide the children of prostitutes alternative skills. While working for Apne Aap, Raphael visits Dharampura, an area in outskirts of Delhi. A community named Perna lives here. The Perna practice a form of inter-generational sex work, which is a strangely polite way of saying that women here expect to be prostituted by their husbands. Raphael is good in Asian languages. He educates children of Perna society, especially girls. He makes them aware of their rights and tries to remove all the false belief from their minds. Raphael finds his life interesting, but he wasn‟t supposed to stay in India forever. He had to leave for Le Havre in few days.

On a foggy winter night, Raphael is returning back to Delhi. His car fails. He sees a car approaching towards him. He calls for a lift. The car stops. A beautiful woman wearing scarlet colour dress opens the door. Raphael gets in the car. “Hi, my name is Raphael.” “Hi, I am Kalyani.” “Where you going?” asked Raphael. “I would stay in a nearby hotel for the night. Early in the morning I would leave for Delhi”, replied Kalyani. “Even I am going to Delhi, but my car failed. It would be better if I check-in to some nearby hotel” said Raphael. “Of Course you can”, said Kalyani. Soon their conversation gets healthy. “You are an interesting guy monsieur Raphael”, said Kalyani. “My pleasure dear lady!” replied Raphael with a smile. “Do you have a girlfriend?” asks Kalyani. “No” Raphael replies. Kalyani finds Raphael an interesting guy. She is a true believer of Love at first sight. She asks her fate, is this right; is this love at first sight? They check-in to a hotel.

Around midnight, Raphael hears a knock at his door. “Yes, who‟s it?” asks Raphael. “It‟s me Kalyani.” Raphael opens the door. “Would you like to have a drink? I hope I am not disturbing you?” asked Kalyani. “Sure. Please come in” replied Raphael. Raphael prepares a drink for both of them. “So what makes you stay up at night?” asked Kalyani. “My dreams” replied Raphael. “Raphael, whatever I am going to say, please don‟t make it wrong. All I wanna do is make love to you. Just stay for the night. Say you will; say you want me too. I‟ve got loving arms to hold on to” Raphael takes a sip of his drink. They kiss each other. All night long they make love; love like strangers.

In the morning Raphael wakes up to find that Kalyani is not there, but she left a note for him. The note read: “I believe in love at first sight. We made magic last night. You did everything right. You brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily. I am the flower you are the seed. Don’t try to find me, please don’t you dare. Just live in my memory, you’ll always be there. All I wanted to do was to make love to you; one night of love as we knew. I got loving arms to hold on to. You are remembered. Bye”

It was an unpredictable instance for Raphael. If Kalyani loved him then why didn‟t she give him a chance of redamancy? There were no vorfreude, no euneirophrenia. The moment he thought that he found someone good without searching for it, he lost her. For him love, sex and life were really getting complicated. Within weeks Raphael left for Le Havre.

***

At Bradley's café:

“There you are my boy. How are you?” asked Mr. Cortese. “I am fine and happy to see you after long time” replied Raphael. They both sit at a coffee table. “How was your trip?” asked Mr. Cortese. “It was good. I did some work in India. I liked that life. You mentioned to visit Vrindavan. I did. And this is what changed my visit from a tourist to a social worker. I worked there for upliftment of women. I loved it” replied Raphael. “I've heard that you have joined the University, is it true?” asked Raphael. “Yes my boy! I'm their History Professor” replied Mr. Cortese. “At present I have started with French Revolution” said Mr. Cortese, “Do you know that the colour of flags during French Revolution wasn‟t Red but Scarlet?” he added. “Dictionary defines the colour scarlet as a bright red with a slightly orange tinge. Scarlet has been a colour of power, wealth and luxury since ancient times. In the 20th century, scarlet also became associated with Revolution. But when scarlet comes to my mind I see a girl; whose beauty is a mystique, an oeuvre of a maestro; voice croon and sonorous; svelte body which is feisty and fully clothed with smooth skin. Curves, deep enough to get slipped off and equally raised which will force you to make a compliment. Of a hope, pious to have her would make one feel pipsqueak, but she being adept in savoir faire would mesmerize the wisest of wise and make people feel good about themselves. Gosh! It's beautiful to imagine…” said Raphael with his eyes closed and a smile on his face. Raphael tells Mr. Cortese about Kalyani. Raphael also shows him the note she had left. Mr. Cortese is happy to see that Raphael is curious enough to meet this girl again. He knows that Raphael is in love with Kalyani.

Raphael continued with his daily routine here in Le Havre. He was so busy with his work that he found no time for love and courtship. At least for sometime he had forgotten the infatuation he had for Kalyani. Meanwhile Mr. Cortese had gained momentum for his teaching. Esther started working for a local TV show which featured her new recipes.

Six Months Passed…..

Raphael starts finding himself lonely. To overcome this he tries to make himself busier, but eventually fails. He often pays visit to Mr. Cortese and Esther. Now he has work for the day, one-night stands for night and hangovers for mornings. Raphael, the man who used to think that sex complicates matters between men and women had ONE-NIGHT STANDS… Still somewhere inside he hopes for a happy-couple type relation. Trip to India has outgrown Raphael. Kalyani and her letter were there with him, but he made no move to reach her.

With death of Mr. Cortese, Raphael and Esther became lonely and support for each other at the same time.

One final day he decides to visit India and find where Kalyani is. His effort doesn't go in vain. He finds her. She looks the same. You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes. “Please, please understand, I‟m in love with another man. And what he couldn't give me was the one little thing you gave”, said Kalyani. Raphael gives a smile. “I know what you are and what you do. I want you to live with me. I love you” said Raphael. Kalyani was a prostitute. Sex was like her shadow, it never left her in daylight as well as at night. But with Raphael she made love; a night full of love. She was in love with Raphael but was aware of her life. Somewhere inside her she knew that if Raphael did love her, he would find her. Today was the day. She hugged him so tight!

Trrrring………… Trrrrrrrrrrrrrring………….Trrrrrrrrrrring…..

Raphael wakes up with a smile to see that he had a beautiful dream last night. He had never met anyone named Inès, Mr. Cortese, Esther, Arun, and Kalyani. Surely he would rush to Sigmund Freud‟s Interpretation of Dreams!!!

“The world is not made of tiny atoms. It is made of different short stories”