THE LAST GLANCE

The last glance

When life leaves us blind…

Love keeps us kind…

The messenger,

LINKIN PARK.

But what if love leaves us blind??

Even the greatest and best renowned scholars in this world can never answer this question.

TIME: 12:50 a.m.

JUNE 9TH, 2013.

THE TERRACE OF MY APARTMENT.

An electronic device on my heart’s side, with no hard feelings, could move a ROCK HEART and even melt it down to TEARS.

My laptop, my “electro mate”, which never left me, went on playing the same song for the umpteenth time, igniting an age –old feeling in me,

“PAIN”

The archaeological excavation of that undaunted and unrestrained feeling was accelerated by a glass of whisky in my right hand.

“DRINKING ALCOHOL IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH”, I read those bold, bright, well-scripted words quite loudly, kissing the famous “ROCCO” glass, for one last time.

I sky-rocketed that marvelously sculptured empty whisky bottle into outer space aiming at a celestial body, which cast its unforgettable charming radiance all over me, “THE MOON”. My semi-conscious mind thought that my antique piece made its way through the illuminated skies to the destination but unfortunately due to gravitational reasons it crash-landed in an undesignated location, a family reunion for the bottle.

It was just another normal night for everyone, not for me. Hours before when the city experienced the “first showers” of monsoon I stood flabbergasted, experiencing the catastrophe of a life-time, with eyes wide open.

My girl, moved on.

Move on – 2 simple words to say and 1 tough action to perform.

But do I have an option?

Leaving the billion-dollar question, I rested on my back staring the “flash-lights” of the sky glimmering all over me.

“The stars.”

Now, it was time for the alcohol to play the “PROTAGONIST” role. It slowly engulfed my senses and shipped to a world of “ILLUSION”.

Being a part of the ILLUSIONAL WORLD I have had all rights to be childish and hence started coordinating the stars from the EARTH itself with my index finger.

As I started deciphering the imaginary image of my brain, a twinkling AIR LINER made its way through my MASTER-PIECE ,without my permission.

Furious , I was about to launch another missile into the sky, when I realized that AIR LINER actually brought life to my soul-less junk.

The master-piece was nothing but the most complicated anatomical part of our human body, a heart.

To be more precise, it was

“MY HEART”

The AIR -LINER that made a guest appearance was,

“THE ARROW OF LOVE”

The master-piece brought to life was,

“SYMBOL OF LOVE”

Just like the love of my life, my master-piece faded away in the newly- wedded black clouds flinging –off the bouquet of roses.

More precisely,

Droplets of rain.

It started drizzling.

It didn’t impress or upset me though, as I embraced the dirt on the EARTH drenching my laptop in the fine rain, enjoying the smell of wet soil quite reluctantly and slowly closing my eyes to visualize my WORLD OF MEMORIES more lucidly.

MUSIC had always been my TIME-MACHINE. It carried me in its arms with love to remote places breaching the TIME-LIMITS and rules of NATURE in one stroke.

Today was no exception, as I was successfully launched in a country-side dating back to 13th October,2012.

~~~

A magical start to the most celebrated day of my life began with me and the “love of my life” standing in the balcony of a duplex farmhouse and watching the mighty sun retire from its duty in style.

Sun sets are always scenic and watching the sun diminish lazily in the distant horizon while the birds fly back to their loved ones sets the romantic side of a person ablaze.

The same happened with me when a 21 year old girl held my hand firmly with her fingers entangling mine.

She trusted me more than anything in this world and that can be treated as the finest achievement of my life till date.

A tall, beautiful, slim girl with vibrant facial features is my heroine. Wearing a T-shirt and jeans she was the “MODERN DISGUISE OF AN ANGEL”.

With a pair of eyes that could make even SATAN fall for her is MY GIRL.

Simply put,

My heart,

My love,

My life,

is My girl.

Meanwhile, the warmth of the sun faded away with it and the dark forests around us emerged with the cold winter winds compelling us to move in from the semi-circular balcony.

Don’t know how long we stared at each other but eventually the pre-historic clock on the wooden furnished walls started showing the ill-effects of TIME.

Time was running fast, real-fast.

Actually it hopped few hours for its convenience leaving me discontented and disheartened.

As soon as the cuckoo finished its marathon of yelling, we were enlightened.

IT WAS DINNER TIME.

Planning pays, trust me.

After having a dinner with an ‘idol of love’ in your front , a poet’s inspiration “the moon” in the backdrop, in a dim neon light and with candle exaggerating the charm of the girl you love, one may decide to die.

But I didn’t.

Lying on the bed, holding the hand of your loved ones and staring at the shimmering stars of the country-side through a transparent ceiling can make a person fall in love for eternity.

After some fun with stars , I deliberately released her hand and walked to my “electro-mate” to play,

“MAIN AGAR KAHOON”

As the lyrics came out soothingly I unfurled my hand towards her and invited my “Deepika padukone” for a dance.

The best moments of my life.

Wish I could record them and live them forever.

Weirdly, it started drizzling in the month of October as ‘the girl of my life’ walked elegantly towards me and my right hand involuntarily went around her waist pulling her close enough to me to feel her body odor all around me.

She was so close to me that I couldn’t avoid myself admiring her irresistible eyes. Within seconds things flew out of my control and I was lost in her eyes, like never before.

Slow paced dance,

Dim neon lights,

Transparent ceiling,

Stars staring at us,

Moon hiding from us,

Chill winter breeze,

Rain droplets tickling,

2 excited hearts,

And 1 perfect moment.

Yes, it was the moment.

Our lips introduced each other for the first time in our lives and the world around us ceased to exist for once and forever.

‘A moment of love’

‘A moment of lust’

‘A moment of passion’

‘ In fact , it was a moment of a life-time’.

IT WAS MY FIRST KISS.

After some passionate moments, we embraced each other in the drizzling rain with she resting on my heart and me staring into infinity, holding her hand not intending to leave.

~~~

Falling back to reality, slowly my ‘WORLD OF MEMORIES’ started exploding and expelled me to the unacceptable stark reality, still drizzling.

I was safely delivered into

A REAL WORLD,

WITH FAKE LOVE ALL AROUNDME…

As soon as I restored my control from the clutches of the alcohol I consumed, my right hand went on a quest pursuing the ILLUSIONAL hand of my girl.

But,

It was a mission unaccomplished.

She is no more ‘MY GIRL’.

Tons of frustration and anger started suppressing the pain and I slowly got up on my feet and mounted onto the highest point of my apartment.

Standing there, clenching the pain in my fists,

I screamed to the calm, peaceful asleep world sleeping in tranquility, contrasting my loud and noisy heart,

I yelled,

“I haaaaaaaate u……

U don’t deserve meee…”

Never receiving a response from the same inane world except for the echoes of the deafening silence, everything started blurring.

I stood there helpless.

Tears didn’t make their way out.

I wanted to cry hard but an outburst was a complete alien to me.

The following morning, in 3 hours, she is going to desert me for forever. That thought itself brought chills up my spine.

Whatever happened in our lives, I still didn’t want to break an old-habit and an age-old promise.

A send-off.

I decided firmly.

So, I got down from the precarious position I’ve been standing all this time, picked my laptop and walked to a shelter avoiding the fine rain rust and bruise my ‘electro-mate’.

Trying to get some sleep in such a situation is like finding an enemy you never knew.

Pretty much impossible.

But my alcohol made things easy. Another peg of whisky was all I needed to drown myself into a place where I could relax for few hours – SLEEP.

Hoping for things to rewind or fall in place, I slowly closed my eyes, anticipating a miracle.

Hoping for a wonderful morning after such a disastrous night is heights of optimism, if you ask me.

But then,

Hope is the only positive vibe left in me.

My cell-phone started singing a ‘a beautiful mess’ alarming me that am already 15 minutes late for the epic finale of this tragic episode.

My head ached like as if it was being hammered by a huge hammer.

“HANGOVER”, I smirked.

“COMING TO YOUR PLACE WITHIN 10 MINUTES.

DON’T LEAVE WITHOUT ME, GET READY.

LOVE YOU.”

I quickly sent the message to her with a slight modification.

“Love you” – DELETED.

MESSAGE SENT.

Cleaning the mess up, I quickly climbed down my terrace to place my laptop in my room and rushed out with my bike keys.

As my parents live in another city, I was flooded with tons of freedom to live my life on my terms.

Quickly, I kick-started my bike and drove swiftly forgetting that my bike was provided with an extra-ordinary feature called - ‘Brakes’.

As I soon I reached her place, my eyes blurred once again with an image.

A girl with a travel bag in one hand and hand bag on her shoulders was trying her best to hold back the strands of hair misplaced due to the lively morning breeze.

As usual, it was a picturesque for me, wherever she stood.

Getting a glance of her ex-boyfriend, she marched quickly towards me.

Coming close-by she glared at me in shock.

With sleep ridden blood red eyes,

Awkward uncombed hair

And white T-Shirt contrasting the knee length short, I was a total mess.

A mess one could ever imagine of.

Stunned at my attire, she dropped her luggage on the ground and stared at me in wild astonishment.

After few beautiful yet awkward moments of eye-contact she finally broke the non-essential barrier-

‘SILENCE’

“Are you okay?” she inquired in that beautiful husky voice I’ve been missing for the past 12 hours.

“Yup, good as god”, I replied like an award winning actor.

“I don’t think so”, she shook her head.

“Are you high?” she retorted with her eye brows reaching the skies.

“Yes, high on love”, I thought and smirked but replied instantaneously,

“hmm… yes, an old habit, tough to forget and tougher to ‘move on’ from”.

Hitting the bull’s eye had always been my way and I just did it again with utmost proficiency.

She understood almost immediately that the last phrase was meant for her.

Again a ‘no-noise’ barrier was built.

This time I was the noise.

“Come on, quick, we’re getting late”, I blurted out.

She slowly got the luggage onto my bike and herself later, placing the travel bag in between us and thus preserving the virginity of the decision she took last night.

Nothing bothered me much. I quickly drove to the ‘send – off plaza’ of my city – RAILWAY STATION.

15 minutes to go for an event that could numb me forever.

Riding through foggy mornings on the deserted roads of my city to give a send off to a very special person is not something unusual to me.

Innumerable send-offs with infinite love were now only a memory to cherish.

Reaching the destination, we quickly strode in to find the departure time of her train.

DEPARTURE: 8:00 a.m.

PLATFORM: 6.

“6?” I thought and couldn’t stop myself smiling. That was the same platform I gave her a send-off the last time and it was my favorite number.

A ray of hope began brightening my day with no reason.

Within few minutes, we reached the platform.

She quickly searched for her name in the reservation chart and moved in with me playing the PORTER’S role.

After all necessary arrangements, we stepped onto the platform again for a brief talk, just like the old-times.

“Everything is happening just like the old times”, my heart comforted me.

Expectations and happiness knew no bounds.

But,

Again, my enemy barged in.

Silence between us was stealing the show and time as well. My fingers started trembling and I began sweating, forecasting the worst case scenario.

5 minutes to go,

Still no words!

My rock heart was shaken with an earth quake called pain and it started growing on me exponentially with a side-kick called – ‘FEAR’.

I don’t know what she had been thinking all the time till now but now I desperately need some words from her either to comfort me or kill me.

Eventually, I understood that she is not going to utter a word and I decided to make some things clear before things fell out of hands in those last precious and disgusting minutes.

“I don’t know what’s wrong between us. Please just give me a reason for this so-called final part of our relationship before you leave”, I fired-in the billion-dollar question, without hesitating anymore.

“My parents said a NO and I can’t make things hard on them”, she responded coolly staring everywhere, except me.

“So you decided to end this up this way?” I blurted out knowing that I don’t have much time left.

Again silence.

“God damn it, answer me”, I shouted losing my temper for the first and the last time in my life.

“Look, mister I made up my mind and you don’t have any right to shout on me”, she quickly retorted.

“Mister?” I stood there flabbergasted at my fate.

That one word concluded my love story, with ease. I thought of convincing her that I could handle everything that was happening but that one word murdered my irrational hope and my unconditional love.

I understood that it’s time for a farewell.

“You are free to go, but remember one thing I will wait for you till the end of the time and I will love you the same whether you are 16 or 60, single or married, alive or dead. You are my JULIET and you will be. That’s for sure. Love is not a pain in the loins for me coz I don’t care about your virginity. In the end, I just want to say that you taught me ‘what love is’ and I will teach the entire world ‘how to love’. Bye. Love you loads”, my voice choked uttering the final words.

Before she said anything, the train – siren went off and the train started dragging itself slowly.

She slowly ascended the ‘chariot of my memories’. Departure of the train was accompanied by that departing female.

In many send-offs the train used to halt on the platform itself giving some time for all the loved ones on the train.

“NATURE OF INDIAN RAILWAYS”.

But, not this time.

It started gaining speed gradually. MY GIRL boarding the ‘pain train’ didn’t even care to look back.

She moved in calmly.

But I don’t want to leave her that easily, so I ran to the window to get the last glance of her.

There, I was dumb-struck seeing her break down into tears. Knocking on the window and running simultaneously I grasped her attention.

I could see her 2 eyes in total despair.

I don’t want her to leave at any cost.

I thought of pulling the chain and bringing the train to a halt just to comfort her.

But then,

She did something utterly remarkable which I could never forget.

On the glass window, in the dew of the chilled AC coach, she wrote,

I LOVE YOU,

BUT, AM SORRY…

It took me some fraction of seconds to decipher the inverted message on the screen.

I smiled at the first line and at the second line I was drowned to hell in one stroke. I tried to respond but my impressions on the glass window were invisible. No AC. No dew. No impression.

Just like the way I failed to make an impression on the window, I failed to make an impression in her life strong enough to hold her back.

Understanding the fiasco, my legs stopped cooperating and I eventually accepted the reality.

SHE WENT AWAY.

That was the last time I could get a glance of her.

A drooped down face, crying.

Betraying herself.

Drenched with pain, I collapsed on the platform waiting for things to rewind. But they didn’t.

In that morning fog, the X-symbol of the train faded away, leaving me like a

‘PIECE OUT OF A PUZZLE’

While I was restoring myself, I took out my phone to call her.

‘SWITCHED OFF’.

“Hahahahaha”, I started laughing insanely unable to take in the things that were happening.

I stood there un-camouflaged in the crowd, everyone staring at me bewildered.

Just then, a radio in the near-by book stall was tuned in and a song pushed out a ‘long ago buried in feeling in me with droplets of water’

Tears gushed out.

Outburst is no more an alien to me.

The song tuned in was,

‘kyun ke tum hi ho..

Kyun ke tum hi ho..

Zindagi ab tum hi ho..

Chain bhi mera dard bhi…

Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho…’

While the radio carried on its concert,

The train left.

It rained.

I cried.