One night stand

We were ready to set fire to the world that night. We would have too, but then we met each other.He had just left from another wasted night at a bar. He had just closed the door on another hopeless romance. At the end of the day, there was nothing left. In our own corners of the world, He and I contemplated an escape from the mundane.I packed up a bag to leave. Anywhere would do, I would just get on the next train and go wherever it took me. He was already packed and ready to be on his way to nowhere. I wanted to start anew. He wanted to get away from the present.

Small surprises of destiny can often topple civilizations. We didn't bring anything down. We did, however, burn our loneliness down to ashes that night.

I took a cab to the station and he drove. We arrived within seconds of each other. I went through the main entrance and he made her way up from the parking lot. As I walked up from the ticket counter, I caught a whiff of something. It was delicious. It smelled like coffee, Burberry Weekend, and a thousand burning desires. It was all too familiar.I started thinking about life.I started thinking about myself.

Bob Dylan sang ...The times, they are a-changin'...

They are indeed for me. I have lost my inspiration to be the girl i used to be. A girl who was not just a machine. I say machine because I believe the life i was living wasa result of the information I was forcefully feeding to my brain. I was making myself feel things that did not exist. My so-called real and intense 'feelings' were a projection of what I wanted to feel, not my genuine reactions, but the ones that I felt appropriate under the circumstances. There was a time when I actually used to care, but that time has long passed and all I was trying to do was to fill a void.

People who are close to me believe they know me. I wish this was true. I wish they really knew what goes on in my mind and how I deal with it. Truth is, at this point of time, there is not a single person in my life who knows me enough to be able to say "yes, i know her completely," because no one ever tried. They are always happy to just pour all their innermost feelings and thoughts into me. Apparently I am a good listener. No one gives a damn as to what I have to say because I am either "too serious," "too boring," or, my favorite, "too random."

So here is the deal. I am indifferent. There is no other word to describe how I feel right now. I have stopped caring for most people. Call me selfish, call me harsh, or call me crazy. My 'friends' never really acted like they ever cared much, and it is time to return the favor. I definitely do not feel like being serious in any relationships at the moment, because this mask I have been wearing has used up all my patience. The emotional and psychological toll of dealing with this weird dichotomy of real and imagined feelings has been immense and I am burnt out.

It is time to take a sabbatical and meet the real me. No more one night stands and faking smile about things that are a product of a feigned existence. What I now wanted was ,true love.

Curious, I looked around. He was a mess. The hair dispersed, the clothes crumpled, the all shirt haywire, tangled with his bag.

As I stared, he noticed. I am surprised that I didn't just run to him and kiss him right there and then because his smile stopped my heart and then rushed it into a drum solo. I forgot to breathe, he knocked the air out of my lungs with just that one smile. Again.I couldn't let him get away from me. Walking up to him I simply said, "Hi!," and proceeded to fix his shirt and untangle it. If he thought that was weird, there was no indication of it on his face.

"Thanks!," he said. His half-lidded eyes were burning me up.

"Would you believe it if I told you that I have been waiting for a while for you to show up?," I asked him.

He smiled. "You kept me waiting too, you know."

"Is it time yet?," I asked, whispering, as I leaned in for a hug.

"It has been. For a long time now."

He was melting in my arms, and I could feel his warmth seep into my cold body. He whispered, "Far away from the maddening crowd, yes?"

"Yeah. I guess I am not burning down the world tonight."

A year and a half, i could even count the days since he saw me the first time.But he could still hear my voice echo in his ears, could feel that soft touch of mine.

He didn't even noticed if i was beautiful or not. Only thing he knew was that he lived for me.And i ,i never took him seriously.

He even had started to cover me down in his memory lane , but as rightly said the more you try to run away from something the more it comes back to you.

Back in the memory lane..

--It was one of the fine sunday noon, he saw somebody that made him go weak down at the knees. I was walking towards him waving my hands with the same adorable smile as ever.

He forgot to blink, even forgot to breathe for a moment. I stopped and stood right in front of him. A moment of silence and awkwardness was surrounding the place. Finally I Spoke "I Knew you won't even say a hello!! , You are always like this , stupid ".

He stood numb. Thinking ,should he walk away from her like the way she did. These weird thoughts made him smile.This was the first time he smiled since i left her , seems the word stupid did some trick. "Hello Angel" was what he spoke and then again he stood dumbstruck and spellbound. Spellbound by my mere existence.

"Hello Manik, stupid can't you speak anything more, you won't be jailed for it and you can smile too" I Shrieked.

He smiled again , as if he was just waiting for me to tell him to do so. "How are you and it's nice to see you" he spoke a bit more.

"Doing okay , but not great" i said with a weak smile.

It seemed selfish but still he felt consoled that he is not the only one who was suffering.

"I missed you" both spoke together and then smiled for the feeling which they shared. He just stared into my eyes , even the sadness in there told that i really missed him.

The perfect noon was really playing a role there.A soft breeze just ruffled through my tied hairs, " you started tying them, you look great when you let them loose " Manik managed to spare a bit more .

"No just don't feel like having them untied" I said.

A minute passed by and he pulled the band from my hairs.

My hairs fall down on my shoulders and now i was the way Manik loved me. The hairs with the breeze in them perfectly complimented the Black soulful and the expressive eyes of mine.

Since the first day since Manik knew me, he knew i could speak through my eyes too and he was the only one who could read those words.

Back into present..

We are standing on the railway station.Manik just held a strand of hairs and put them besides my left ear. " I really missed you, and don't want to miss you more, Please Stay" finally Manik poured his feelings out.

"I am not here to leave stupid, i missed you more, i won't, won't ever leave" i almost cried and hugged him.

"Even if you try i won't let you leave" Manik said and kissed on my forehead.

Yes,i accepted the love that was awaiting for me from two years , the love i was not able to accept beacuse of my weak heart.I realized how washe and and messed up i was and now i wanted to be the girl who used to be happy by having coca-cola and not vodka,coming back home holding manik's hand and not by crawling back to her room.Going off to sleep peacefully and not by feeling like a crap after vommiting out all the liquour she had.And most importantly i want my mom to take care of me right now just like before because at the end of the day i am still a little kid inside who wants somebody to care for her and hold her up when she is down.

I have now learned to stand up for myself and for the love.I am strong now,i know my value.I know everything was just fake,night stands,attitude of not believing in love,everything! I was rude and self absorbed and beacuse of that,I am done.I ruined my life but now I am stronger because of this,I am stronger because of manik.I am stronger beacause of what i did.Actually its hard to believe now that i ditched him someday.But now i know there are some situations where apologies hold no bearings.I know that twists of fate bring people together,And sometimes everything happens for a reason can tear them apart.I know that i will never forget him,for him,will always have a place in my heart.I know am not his dream girl but now i will share all my dreams with him.I know i am not the most beautiful girl in the universe but i will make his life beautiful.I know am not flawless and perfect , I might yell on him at times,i might get jealoused,i have erratic mood swings.I am utterly stubborn.But i know he can handle me at my best and my worst .I love him with all my heart and soul.