Reunion

AMRI hospital. My friend Sanjoy is admitted in the hospital for total hip joint replacement. His left joint is already operated. After one week, other hip joint will be operated. His diseased joint will replaced by artificial implant. I appreciated Sanjoy for his brave decision. He had been suffering from fused hip joint experiencing excruciating pain on both hips and greatly restricted mobility. I had a good rapport with Sanjoy. He enjoyed my company and I did. My regular visit kept his heart up and cheerful. He was admitted in one deluxe cabin at extreme end of the second floor. Normally I meet him about six o clock in the evening on my way back from office whenever I can close my work in time. One day as I walked past other cabins, my attention was drawn to one female patient moaning about something inside a cabin with door flung open adjacent to Sanjoy’s one. Something inside me hinted me that probably I knew the woman. I ignored and went to Sanjoy’s cabin.

Sanjoy even with his post operative discomfort and apprehension regarding another operation, liked to discuss with me many political issues like Singur, 123 agreement, terrorism which were hitting the headlines when I met him.

On my return from Sanjoy’s cabin, I wished to have a closure look at the adjacent cabin to find out if I knew the woman. But door was closed this time. But the label highlighting the patient’s name caught my attention. Name featured as Nilanjana Bhoumick. By that suddenly my life started rolling back to the episode 28 years ago. I felt I loved her at that point of time. But today I feel I rather wanted her more than I loved her, because I tried to exercise my control on her life. Nilanjana? I suppose she used to like me, admire me but never felt quite comfortable in getting along with me. Could be I was one of her endless list of admirers. Nilanjana was beautiful – that’s what the people felt. To some extent, I matched her beauty, but failed to be a promising guy in her social status as perceived by her. Our brief relationship ended in fiasco. I felt it was good for both of us. I came to know she was doing well. Fortune smiled in my life also. I got a good job and living a decent lifestyle. I did not feel much pang in the separation, excepting occasional pensive mood. I am sure she also did not feel much, if not she felt rather happy. Unbelievably even in being in the same city, we never meet again, nor even talked telephonically once, although during our separation we promised to keep in touch. I stood for a while and proceeded. I felt curious to ask attending nurse and enquire about her illness. I asked one nurse on duty.

“Excuse me sister. I am Ayan Chatterjee. I know the patient named Nilajanjana Bhoumick in cabin 2203. Since visiting hours is over I don’t think I can visit her cabin now. I am just curious to know what exactly her ailment is.”

“Hers is ontological case” was her measured reply after observing me keenly.

“Cancer? What kind of cancer?”

“Blood cancer.

She left for patient’s room without waiting for my reaction.

I descended to the exit. I was wondering why I was not so sad as I should be. Life and death are stages of our being. But once I used to love her. I was dying to meet her once. But today when I should meet her in her incurable disease , I am rather less enthusiastic.

I felt it was my ego which is getting satisfaction out of her misery. I felt guilty in my internal dialoque. Whether she would like it not, I decided to meet her .

Next day when I reached her cabin, she was flanked by her relatives in somber mood.

After seeing me she said “Please sit down. Why didn’t you meet me yesterday?” I understood that the Nurse informed her about my query. The way she addressed me, it seemed we met only other day, and as if nothing happened between us even since we parted.

I smiled and said “every desired event has got its own auspicious time to occur”

“You are very much right. I knew that I will definitely meet you once before I breathe my last.”

Her relatives felt sentimental. They retorted “Never always talk about death. Every body do have similar destiny.”

“How are you?” She asked.

I tilted my head and closed my eyes in affirmative with a smile. She introduced me to her relatives as her friend during her college days.

Nilanjana asked me regarding my professional life and my place of stay. She did not ask anything about my wife.

We had some usual talk about her well being. I wanted to leave. She remained silent for a while and said “Please do visit whenever you come to visit your friend in AMRI. My days are numbered. I am sure you will not let me down my wish”

“Of course I will meet you. Think positively. Give positive message to your brain that that you will come round soon.” I tried to enthuse her although I knew doctors had given her no more than few months to live.

“You still preach it seems. However today I liked it.”

I smiled and exited.

Every time I went to AMRI, I visited her although for short duration. Very few words were exchanged during my visit. I just sat by her side in silence. I could feel her eyes of gratitude, although I was not looking at her directly. I noticed the first sign of calmness within herself that probably never existed in her busy life.

One day I reached her cabin to find her extremely agitated and shouting at the private nurse she employed

“You people are callous. You can’t even find where I kept my necklace. Do you know how much does it cost? You better find it out immediately or you will face consequence.”

“Mam I did not come yesterday when you seemed to have lost your necklace. You need to ask my partner this question.”

Nilajanjana asked me “What should I do can you can tell me? It does seem my necklace is stolen. I am sure these people are responsible. Should I call the police or inform the authorities?”

“I can’t tell you what you should do. But tell them to search it out thoroughly. May be you are doubting them wrongly.”

‘That has already been done. Should I still trust them?”

“It is better to trust even with the possibility of somebody is not being trustworthy and get deceived rather than mistrusting somebody who is really trustworthy.’

“You don’t understand the sentimental value of such thing. This was given by my mother”

“May be I don’t. However may I ask you a few questions?”

‘Go ahead?”

‘Are you not sure that at one point of life you have to part with your necklace, may be quite soon? Will your real self become poorer by such loss?”

She remained silent for quite some time. Smile glimmered on her face. You are right – I need not be perturbed by such possession at this point of life. I am discovering a peaceful state within me.

Your real sense of being is dissociated from earthly possession. Sense of loss is associated with your ego, not with your true self.

After a month her body becomes emaciated. Whenever I visited her, a radiant joy in her smiling face deepened. She held my hand in silence. Contrary to her usual nature, she had become extremely generous in her dealing with her attendants and nurses. She used to give away her possessions and money, whenever she felt any one done some favor to her.

Every bit of my pique on her died down completely. I had a wonderful feeling that our true selves those dissolve in consciousness are invariable. It our individual ego that assumes certain role and makes us so different.

I had been to Lucknow on official work. Her husband informed me that she passed away. Surprisingly her necklace was also found in her toiletries box. How was it possible? Did the nurse who probably had taken it returned it out of sense of gratitude? Or was it her mistake? I will never know for sure excepting my understanding that in our existence we are endowed with intelligence that can perceive all pervading consciousness connected across all human souls.

A realization dawned in me . You don’t have a life . You are life. You and life are one. It cannot be otherwise. So how could you lose your life? How can you lose something that you don’t have in the first place? How can you lose something that you are? I am sure ..I will get chance once again to say her that I felt for her.