You are the thaumatin to my eediot!!

I will never leave you...I'll always be with you and make sure your path is filled only with roses. I'll always have your back.. Dont worry.. Take care!!

I felt numb even though i had a splitting headache. I know he likes me but why isn't he telling me that, instead of sending such messages. I switched off my phone and went to sleep. *shudder* I had a nightmare; with sweat beads running down my cheek. I recall him putting a ring on my finger. Forget it...forget it!! It's just a dream i reminded my self. That was a sleepless night. I was on emotional anesthetic. I couldn't feel anything...nothing at all. I didn't know if i liked him or hated him or did not like him or LOVE him!! Too many thoughts running through my mind. I've never fallen for a guy and never thought i would either. i loved my life the way it was and wouldn't appriciate any change made to it bringing someone else into your life is too much to handle. But i couldn't handle it anymore. The next day i told him i had a crush on him. Well, this guy is too serious, he said he loved me and this is the beginning of OUR story.

We got know each other over the next few months and day by day i fell into the infinitesimally deep ocean of love. No one could get me out of it. Ofcourse we fought, like ten times a month but the love just kept increasing. He never let me go... He's the only reson i strive to live today; lets come back to that later.

My EEDIOT...Yes eediot, as i lovingly call him is an achiever. A kid at heart but no kidding around him. He sets a goal and makes sure he hits the bull's eye. What do you call a person who is exactly opposite?? Answer: ME!! All thanks to him we are here today only because of his determination. It was a struggle to convince everyone and get married but let's skip that part because all that matters is that we are happily married for 7 years now and blessed with two beautiful children.

But here i lay, on the hospital bed with the monitors reminding me about my vegetative state. From the corner of my eye I can see eediot controlling his tears just to make sure the chidren don't breakdown. I want to reach out to him and console him, but I cannot. My heart aches to see the love of my life in such pain. He has stood by me through everything. Everything good... Everything bad... Everything happy... Everything sad. He has stood by me when I was diagonised with bone cancer. He stood by me through all my radiation sessions. He has stood by me through my weakness. He has stood by me when I couldn't walk any more. He has stood by me when I cried all night. He has stood by me through all my sufferings. But right now I wish I could stand by him and tell him that everthing will be fine. I close my eyes as another shot of pain hits my neck. Though its the most painful thing in the world I turn my head to meet my eediot's eyes. They are teary, I can see the pain in his eyes. How I wish I could hug him tight and never leave him. His embrace is all I need to forget this unbearable pain. My eediot who was strong through all times... My eediot who did everything to get a smile on my face... My eediot who I saw the whole world in. I just cannot see my eediot breakdown like this. All the prayers went unanswered. I do not want to go through this not because it hurts me but because it hurts me more when I see my eediot like this. I never understood what love really is and asked him what love is, this was his heart melting reply-

"Love for a physicist is like black matter... he knows it's there but can't get it;

Love for a chemist is like a chemical reaction... he can just see the change;

Love for an economist is like assests... he knows he owns them but he ain't taking them with him when he dies;

Love for a saint is enlightment... he knows it's the toughest to get and he'll be eternally happy if he gets it;

Love for a mathematician is like finding out the value of infinity;

Love for a celebrity is like fame;

Love for a girl is her beauty;

Love for a guy is his youth;

But love for me is YOU!!

I felt like the most loved person in the entire universe. It still amazes me as to how much he loves me. Because I never believed in love, and thought that all love stories were made up by people who just wanted to convince themselves that there is something which makes all man powerless. But let me say from experience that finding true love is like finding peace in this chaotic world. It's difficult but not impossible. True love, true happiness, true LIFE...my eediot showed me all of this and i will regret nothing if my heart stops beating this moment. Wait!! I can feel my heart come to a halt.. I'm running short of breath! I can hear the monitors beeping loudly. I can him scream out my name and run up to me. I just pray that my two angels have the strength to handle this and I leave my body behind as my eediot holds my hand and prays that all this is not true.

I held her hand praying that all this is not true. My thaumatin cannot leave me behind. Thaumatin is the sweetest thing in the world. 2500 times sweeter than sweet. This word just describes my sweetheart so well. She has left behind so many memories that will be treasured in my heart for the years to come. I still distinctly remember the first time I held her hand, the air felt more humid the wind seemed to blow faster, my heart went on a drum display and I kept reminding myself that this was happening for real and not any dream. Thaumatin was my dream come true. She was all i needed to take on this world. Though i was first intimidated by her jubilant nature, I instantly knew she was the one for me the moment she confessed her 'crush' for me. Crush turned to like, like became love and now that love has matured into something words cannot explain.

The moment I held her hand I knew I would never leave it. I held her hand when she needed someone to console her. I held her hand as she learnt the lessons of life. I held her hand as she threw her graduation hat into the air. I held her hand as we nervously stood before our parents. I held her hand as we exchanged rings. I held her hand as I promised to stay by her till death do us apart.I held her hand as she gave life to our angels. I held her hand when she was tired running after the kids. I held her hand through all the nights she toiled. I held her hand as she cried in the hospital. I held her hand through all the painful treatments. I held her hand when she lost all hope. I held her hand when she weeped all night. I held her hand through all of it, just to make sure my darling angel knows that she always has me no matter what happens and that I will not let her face anything alone.

As I hold her hand now I remember pleading me to release her from this pain. I told " Rich man would buy drugs to save his wife's life. A practical man would let her die instead and marry again. A poor man would cry helplessly. But I will cure you from cancer by my love and love alone." But now I realise that I have failed as I see her face which still has a smile on it. I wipe my tears and attend to my grieving children who have lost the most loving and caring mother anyone could have. Her love for children knew no bounds, she did her best to feed the hungry, to care for the lonely, to help the needy and understand everyone around her.

The next few days went by like a dream.. or a nightmare I should say! I was still to come in terms with the fact that my thaumatin, my wife, my best friend, my soulmate, my world was no more. All my energy drained and tears dried up, I have no aim in life now. No one understands why I'm so detached and depressed. I've lost a part of myself and I know that I will never get over it. As i see these two little girl's look at me innocently, I see my wife in them. I promise myself to keep up my word of raising these girls the way my thaumatin always dreamt of.

Days pass by and yet the pain hasn't healed. I'm surrounded by by all the memories she left behind in this little nest she built for us. I weep all day and relive each moment i spent with her at night. Now as I sit out in the balcony on a cold winter night, I look up at the stars and hope that she is happy wherever she is. I open the last letter she wrote to me. The tear jerking one, which is etched in my heart.

"The flowers may wilt...

the stars may stop twinlking...

the oceans may dry up...

the birds may stop singing...

the rainbow may lose it's colour...

the earth may stop rotating...

the fishes may forget to swim...

the sun may stop shining...

the neem leaves may become sweet...

my heart may stop beating...

my body may decay...

but I'll never stop loving you..."

-Your wife

Your Thaumatin.

A tear stains the letter as I fold it and look forward to another empty day!